Who in your family has had the greatest postive or negative influence on you?

@bagarad (8951)
Paso Robles, California
August 29, 2011 2:10am CST
Was it a parent? Grandparent? Sibling, Aunt or Uncle? Was it someone who gave you more confidence or someone who destroyed what confidence you had? Was it someone encouraged you or someone who abused you? Who was that family member and what affect did he or she have on you for good or ill?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@inertia4 (27001)
• United States
30 Aug 11
Well, I would have to say the greatest influence is my father. Even though he worked a lot I guess I saw that growing up and I basically modeled myself after him. I then became the worker that he was. My mother was always there and like all italian mothers, over protective. My most negative influence was Catholic school. I felt punished there. Me as well as other kids were demeaned and humiliated. I was told by a few Nuns that I was stupid and dumb and would never amount to nothing. What I learned from the 8 years that I was there is very simple, never trust anyone. I lost all respect for those religious people and look at them as the evil ones. I Also learned to build a wall around me and never let anyone in. It worked for me for a long time. Then I got married, what a mistake. I married the wrong girl. That lasted for 17 years. I figured I would get married once and that was it. I also trusted my ex like you're supposed to. That was a fatal mistake. I should have kept that wall up at all times. She left after 17 years and took the kids. That devastated me, not because of her, but because of the kids. I still have not recovered from that. Although I am now in a great relationship with the girl I should have married way back when. I guess we live and learn. But now, that wall is bigger then ever and will never come down. I will take all the resentment, hatred and regrets with me to the grave. I own that and no one can take that away from me. I just wish someone would have stopped me back then. Well, there it is in a nutshell.
@bagarad (8951)
• Paso Robles, California
30 Aug 11
I am so sorry to read this. What a horrible school experience to have had! I am sorry you never felt you could trust anyone. In some ways, you sound a bit like my adopted daughter. She had already learned not to trust anyone (except her little brother) before we met her. Her life was very unhappy because she would not let anyone in -- even to receive their love. She could neither give or receive love. She only wanted to control her life, and, of course, no one can completely contol his or her life. You are correct that you own your hurts and hatred, etc., but they are are a heavy burden to keep carrying. If you do not let your present girl into your heart and open it up to her, she will never know the real you to love you, and you will always be wondering if she would like you if she really could see into your heart. Please don't marry anyone again while you continue to hang onto these old hurts. It wouldn't be fair to your new wife. I hope, my friend, that you will find peace and genuine love you don't need to fear.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 11
Now I understand why we our answers are so similar. without going to Catholic School I learned the same lesson, never to open up to anyone! But I learned to open up to my friend so when my guy met me my heart was open . My guy is within the wall. He loves the Sarah he knows and she is the best I can be. I believe T sees the real you or she would have been gone Long ago. I agree you shouldn't marry, just enjoy what you have now. Sorry if I was barging in.
@inertia4 (27001)
• United States
30 Aug 11
Sarah, T does see the real me, she knew the real me years ago also. So it was easy for her and for me to reconnect. We both think the same as well, and we both have a wall. It's funny how our walls became a hut together. LOL. A little humor.
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@rose1717 (190)
• United States
5 Oct 11
The family member who has had the most positive influence on me is my Grandmother. She was always there for us growing up. I learned to be kind to everyone from seeing her be kind to everyone she met. Now I get to watch my children learn from her also. The person who has the most negitive influence on me is my mother-in-law. It doesn't matter what I do, she is always judging me. She makes rude comments to me and even has been known to be mean to the kids. My husband finally had to step in and tell her that she cannot treat us that way. Even after all the heartache she has caused us, I will still talk to her because she is family and we love her. I have included her into our lives, taking her on family trips, out to eat, and to our home for Holidays. This is something I have always done and have been nothing but sweet to her because I seen how hard it was for my mom to have my brother move out and start a family of his own. I learned how to not treat my daughter-in-law or son-in-law from her. I accept her for who she is but my husband said that we can no longer allow her negitivity on us and our kids. It's just a sad situation. It is getting a little better though.
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@bagarad (8951)
• Paso Robles, California
6 Oct 11
How wonderful to have had such a grandmother. Let's hope your desire to be kind and include your mil in your lives will help her see that you are reaching ou,t and make her change her ways. She is only hurting herself to continue her behavior when your husband himself will not tolerate it. Your husband is to be commended for sticking up for you.
@rose1717 (190)
• United States
11 Oct 11
I had always hoped so about my MIL, but her son and I have been married for 14 years and she hasn't even tried to change her attitude towards me until my husband told her that he will not be allowing it. Unfortuantly I suffered years of her comments and mean will towards me all the while smiling on the outside and including her just as much as I did my family and sometimes more, until my husband finally stuck up for me. Our kids started seeing her attitude and asked about it, and that is what lead to him finally saying something. He is a good man though and I love him. He also loves his mom so it makes it hard on him. Thank you, my Grandmother is awesome and I love her very much. She loves her greatgrandchildren too. Last weekend she and my son played together their music. He played his flute and she played her guitar together. It made my child's day, he is still talking about it.
• United States
29 Aug 11
What confidence? I never had confidence in anything I did save music. But then again I assumed I was suppose to fail everything save math and music. And then late history. Good influences? My parents? They loved me and each other but that didn't help me see that I could do anything right . Bad influences , i didn't have any. I just Knew I would never be good enough.So I saw love but never let it influence me. I didn't see any bad things at home but just thought it was because I was the evil one. Did I answer your question?
@bagarad (8951)
• Paso Robles, California
29 Aug 11
It's strange that you would have the idea that you would fail at everything but music and math. There must have been negative feedback from somewhere to give you that idea. Did you have a demanding teacher? Did someone belittle your attempts in certain areas or call you stupid? Or could it be you are a perfectionist and think you have to be the best to be a success at something? Why would you think you were an "evil one" if no one ever said anything to make you think that? I'm just trying to understand how this could be. I guess it's hard for me to think someone would just decide on her own, with no outside influence or feedback from some other human, that she is incompetent or evil.
1 person likes this
@QeeGood (1214)
• Sweden
29 Aug 11
My grand mother on my mother's side has given much of an important point of view how to face life with humour and to live in the presence. My grandmother on my father's side was much for looking good and be respectfully dressed for every occasion. My grandfather on my mother's side did learn me to work first then get paid for your work.
@bagarad (8951)
• Paso Robles, California
29 Aug 11
It sounds like you have some wonderful grandparents. Many people are not that fortunate.
@QeeGood (1214)
• Sweden
30 Aug 11
I had, there were all gone in the past century.
@GreenMoo (11842)
29 Aug 11
My parents, without question. There is noone in my family who has affected me in a negative way, and I have the greatest respect for them all. There is an uncle who's career has always impressed me.
@bagarad (8951)
• Paso Robles, California
29 Aug 11
Would you like to tell us more about your uncle? Why did his career impress you?