I learn more from those who disagree with me than those who agree.

@stary1 (6622)
United States
September 13, 2011 5:53pm CST
In general I learn more from discussions that disagree with my way of thinking than with discussions that agree with my point of view. There are exceptions when others add supporting facts I was not aware of. In conversations about politics, disagreements teach me more. When I have to defend my positions I discover how well I actually know the issue and where I am weak in knowledge. Some people prefer discussing only with those who agree with them..I like all opinions but especially those that challenge me.
3 people like this
27 responses
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
True. There is the fact that we might find out something new regarding the things we are siding with and the things we are opposed to. A healthy discussion is really informative and mind-opening. Even criticisms and insults can sometimes open our eyes to our flaws, save the ones that just blubber out nonsense and whose purpose of insulting is just to make you feel wrong and bad.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
14 Sep 11
In mylot discussions thus far I think I have been very, how I explain this? - small voice, I guess. In this topic, one that interests me a lot and one that I do know a lot about or at least think I do.... :-) So.. I hope I am not posting too much or appear like I am taking over the discussion because I do not want to do that... I just want more of it! I like your comment about a healthy discussion and having a few of those would be so welcomed. I am not sure if I can agree with you choybel though on the logic you are presenting for a healthy discussion? True, we agree that unhealthy blubber is a negative but we disagree that insults are positive. I disagree because I think all insults are not constructive. They are the last resort when nothing else works. Certainly critques (did i speel that right? ) can be positive if delivered in wise and considerate ways. What do you think? Anyone?
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
choybel I agree and I think we learn from criticisms and even insults if we are not overly sensitive and immediately become defensive, one thing we can learn is that other people can be overly sensitive...
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
Bluedoll I think you are posting exactly as you should be posting. This is what myLot is about..sharing information as much as you want and can and everyone else is encouraged to do the same.
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
14 Sep 11
I agree with you on this. When you don't know what you are missing, do not feel shame to admit it. I myself also not knowledgeable enough to know everything. Some critics and disagreed opinions might help me understand more, and correct my way of thinking somehow. You are right. Sometimes, I met people who only want people agree with them, not disagree with them.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
14 Sep 11
That is a really good point. I want to be the kind of person that listens and is open minded but I am also aware of delivery, not over sensitive I think but needy perhaps, not demanding I hope, but observe how disagreements progress. If disagreements take the shape of something demeaning or controlling then I think I would rather not have that. I like having discussions and want to learn but also want them to be positive. The question I have for anyone in this discussion (though it is not one I created) am I write about this topic? If not why? Because so far I think I am right and the only way I will change my mind is if I can be convinced. So lets have a discussion. (reading now!)
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
kingparker "Sometimes, I met people who only want people agree with them, not disagree with them." I find it often happens in politics...there are those who want a pat on the back and they want to hear..'you are correct'..not the opposite..'you are wrong' I see that as insecurity at times.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
Bluedoll "Because so far I think I am right and the only way I will change my mind is if I can be convinced. So lets have a discussion. " Just another point..we all think we are right...or we would change our monds..
@Judy890 (1633)
• United States
13 Sep 11
I agree. People who we agree with in any situation they have the same opinions but someone who disagree its interesting to hear there situation from a different point a view
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
14 Sep 11
Best way to find out if you have enough facts to support your opinion
1 person likes this
@buddha3 (1029)
• India
14 Sep 11
More often we discover things that we never knew about the topic of discussion, if we are arguing with someone who disagrees our view. At times, we may feel like the other person is right and we were wrong in our understanding of the subject matter.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
buddha ..it's true that others can indeed give us another perspective and that is all to the good.
• United States
14 Sep 11
True, I like to discuss things that people disagree with, as long as I don't feel like I am being accused of being a bad person or something. Then again, even that is fun on occasion, and I can laugh at it if I know they are way off base about it.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
14 Sep 11
There are often bullies who are trying to prove their point and become obnoxious. i view them as being insecure and try not to answer them in a bully fashion
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 11
agreed. I try to just laugh it off, but I have been known to get defensive. You make a good point though. There really is no point in retaliating.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (33967)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Sep 11
you are so right. i totally agree. as long as they give you facts nicely and dont just rag you out you know it is sometimes so much fun to get more information you didnt know about. ive actually had some change my opinion on a few things with that.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
I have modified and changed my opinions too. At times a disagreement can introduce new facts and when I research them I find I should change my mind.
@vikku2001 (258)
• India
14 Sep 11
Hell stary Yes it is true that if a person never disagree to other then how it bring out the deficiencies of the others.But if two person are disagree with each other, they argue very well.They keep their points and discuss on every aspect and after that the result comes out will be much better than if they agree with each other. But sometimes if the persons are just stubborn then this disagreement leads to only time wastage and finally they don't get any result out.
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
14 Sep 11
I perhaps do not understand this. Help me please. It sounds like it is a requirement. Person A is right Person B is right (well they think they are right). Now someone must back down or admit they are wrong and there must be a deciding result? At the very least if there are more than one opinion then the majority win by default and people the say this result is the right answer. Correct? My question is . . . Why must it be this way? Perhaps there is no right or wrong answer therefore no definitive result? Just discussion. Is this not also possible? This is question, I am looking for conformation, if I am right or wrong, if you agree or disagree. lol.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
vikku2001 I agree with you.. Bluefoll..I think vikku is saying said if both agree they might be agreeing to something which isn't true. On the other hand if they disagree, the one who is right will argue his point and perhaps correct the other..lol was that clear??
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
15 Sep 11
That certainly is possible and works for me. It is "lets find the right answer". There is also another possible, both are right. Like looking at an elephant, person A is looking at the trunk and explaining how they see it. Person B is looking at the back side but I will not be describing what person B sees. lol.
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
14 Sep 11
I really like to find out all angles, and do not mind those who disagree, but it depends on whether they are right or whether they are wrong and are just stuck in their opinions. Another thing is that if two of us disagree and we are civil that i easy for me to change my mind if I am wrong. Mind you I prefer that we both agree with each other and then we can continue discussing things.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
Sometimes everyone thinks they are right and there is no changing anyone's mind. At that point I often stop and say I will 'agree to disagree'.. Other tmes to bullies I have said ..'You have a right to be wrong'... but I do it with a smile
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
16 Sep 11
I like the second idea. Should try it sometime.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
17 Sep 11
lol sometimes I kind of worry if I am being bratty but then I think 'they deserved it
1 person likes this
@bagarad (8218)
• Paso Robles, California
14 Sep 11
This is why I like myLot. One can discuss subjects like religion and politics and not have it turn into an attack on personalities. I loved college dorm life because we used to have these kind of discussions far into the night as we tried to learn from each other, even when we disagreed. People should not need to fight when they are discussing subjects they disagree on. One reason I hate some discussions on Gather is because certain individuals will gang up on Christians or conservatives and just utter insults and talk down to them as an inferior species that isn't as smart as they are, but they never give any facts or reasons why they are right and you are wrong. I learned that these people want to do no more than try to put themselves above others so they can feel superior, so I started staying away from groups dominated by these people. They are obviously more interested in a mutual admiration society than hearing any opinion they don't agree with. Discussions should not be focused on who is right and who is wrong, but on the issues being discussed and the reasoning that brought people to their opinions. MyLot makes this kind of discussion possible.
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
14 Sep 11
I think you have a far greater understanding and concept of the myLot community than I do and I like it. I do not even know where I should be putting in comments! I do like very much being able and appreciate being involved in a discussion as you have discribed it here. I know exactly what you are talking about not only because I understand what you are saying but because I have experienced all of what you are discribing. If I can be involved in discussions like those in your last two sentences then I will be very satisfied.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
bagarad You are so correct. I am not familiar with Gather but I have been on discussion boards that bash Christians and bash opposing political beliefs. There are bullies who try to intimidate and run the boards. I have a fighting spirit and try to calmly correct bullies because I see some who cower in their presence. I don't understand why adults behave like junior high bullies at times. I have a feeling myLot would not put up with that behavior
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
Bluedoll I think you are doing extremely well so I don't understand why you say you do not know where you should be putting in comments?! Keep up the good work
@kiran8 (15347)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep 11
Hi stary,I agree with you on that ! I welcome all kinds of views from others, positive,negative,explosive , just about anything...Earlier we used to have many political discussions here some of which would get out of hand, but eventually you do realise that everybody has something to contribute to the discussion in their own way.It is pointless starting a discussion with the sole idea of expecting everybody to agree with you...all the best and enjoy your evening
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
I think you are correct but I actually know people who want only to discuss with those who agree with them. They want everyone to pat each other on the back and all to curse out the ones they don't like, especially in politics. I think it's silly. Yet I do like to hear agreement once in awhile. When it is all disagreement, one starts to feel they are in the twilight zone and everyone is crazy except themselves.
@kiran8 (15347)
• Mangalore, India
17 Sep 11
I guess it is natural that we want people to agree with our views and think we are right ! But it cannot happen all the time and not on every single issue.There are some members here who start a controversial discussion which would attract definitely a lot of different opinions both positive and negative other than their own and ,then they feel that they are being targeted...
• Indonesia
14 Sep 11
you right. but some time, a few people who's agree with our discussion tell us more detail about their opinion, why they agree.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
Exactly and as they tell more details that furthers our own education and becomes a win-win. People feel good and they have gained knowledge and the one bringing in additional facts has the satisfaction of having contributed to anothers education
• Indonesia
17 Sep 11
i have some experience in mylot, i respond other mylotter discussion, but i got coment that dissagree with me. when i ask him why, he can explain it. well, now the discussion has been removed.
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
13 Sep 11
I understand, a little comment about something nice can be appreciated but it does little for knowledge. So I disagree with your idea that discussions need to be about agreement or not. It is too much like a debate, too much like an arguement if that is all the discussion concerns itself with. Sure it works for some topics but I would much rather have a discussion with different points of view than some challenge going on between people with the focus on being about who is right. How was that?
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
14 Sep 11
Not sure I followed...but I'll try to respond...I think having different points of view is a challenge in one way or another. It depends on the attitudes of those involved. I also think everyone believes they are correct..or they would not be thinking that way.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (17209)
• Canada
14 Sep 11
You are right and I agree with you but you are missing my point. If we assume that every discussion (anywhere) is a debate, an arguement or a challenge or to try to make my thought come across more clearly that every discussion we want to have with another human being is a contest to prove we are right or not then yes, we will certainly be of that opinion. An example would be a relationship (significant other) where the husband says, "I need to talk to you." The wife could think oh man here we go another arguement or consider the other possiblity that her husband might just want to talk to her (he might feel insecure or lonely or just want to connect) in other words a discussion about tulips or two lips? What I was trying to express was that discussions can take the form of unchallenging discussions. How that happens though is perhaps more important. I do agree with you about disagreeing for the purpose of knowledge but do not agree that all discussions need to find that format.
@camomile07 (1422)
• Germany
16 Feb 13
It's an interesting point of you. Of course, someone who agrees with you only confirms your own point of you. Those ones whou disagree, helps us to understand facts on a better way. We always can learn more from other people.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Feb 13
camomile07 Yet there are those who prefer to disuss only with those who agree with them..and even become irritated if anyone disagrees..
@ljames85 (294)
• Canada
16 Sep 11
I learn more as well. I like to see it from someone elses perspective, and learn something new :-)
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
Learning is a life long process...sometimes I think how much there is that we will never know because we do not have the time to learn it all.
@globaldoc (860)
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
I do not see any possibility in learning from one who agrees. We have to know who to trust, and if these people disagree with me on some things, that is when i get to see the other sides of my opinion. Then, further down, I get to open up my heart as I see another side of the situation. I learn a lot there.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
The one who agrees sometimes may have more supporting information to strengthen the point of view. I too like to know how others feel and think even if it is not the same as my opinions and feelings. That just makes for a more interesting world.
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
14 Sep 11
I always liked when people disagree with me. I found it fun to debate with them but others didn't really. I tend to get loud though I don't mean to. My daughter loves it too and sadly she gets her loudness from me and she tends to interupt people. But then again I interupt her too. That and when people disagree with you, you tend to learn other facts about the issue than just what you know and sometimes the other point can change your mind if worded in a way that you hadn't thought of.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
I do that too..I can get loud and have to be reminded to tone it down. Also I jump in too soon sometimes because I just can't agree with the statements being made. I have gotten much better at all that but still need to work on some more self discipline.
@GemmaR (8527)
14 Sep 11
Some people spend their entire lives agreeing with people because they don't want to upset them. However, I think that people need others in their lives who are going to disagree with them because it doesn't bring anything good to people if they think that others are agreeing with them the entire time. People like that make others think that they're always right which certainly isn't a good thing for all of their other friends, as I know people like that. I normally say what I think unless it will seriously upset someone in which case I will tone it down a little bit.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
I know what you mean about agreeeing for the sake of not upsettting them or for just "keeping the peace". LOL There are some people that I answer "well that's interesitng" when I don't want to agree or disagree or start a discusion because I know that person isn't reasonable. I kill them with kindness
@telmesh (1793)
14 Sep 11
True everyone should learn from those who disagree. If one only gets agreement it is just a census of opinion or pandering.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
There is one thing...when another brings in more supporting facts to back up the position you already have, then agreement is helpful and educational.
@waflay (2727)
• Nairobi, Kenya
14 Sep 11
Knowledge is well acquired if one add on or disagree with a raised issue. I go with points no matter positive or negative, but if it is negative then proof beyond doubt and I will back it up. Yes! I have seen people who get mad if they find a negative response in their discussion to the extends of referring you back to the topic.. 'read the... before you answer', I once got this remark from a certain member because my response was negative. Anyway, we must not pretend we know everything and why raise an issue which has no definite side and expect only positive side of it?
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
Very true we must stay humble. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. We need to listen and learn. The beginning of knowledge in the whole scheme of things, truly is the realization that we know very little.
@bingskee (5238)
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
what a positive outlook. not many people appreciate a criticism, even a constructive one. i welcome opposing views or opinions but it should be something that i can learn from, and not anything that will make feel ashamed or degraded. there are people who do oppose just to oppose, without even an objective.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
16 Sep 11
That is true some people are just obnoxious and so unhappy themselves they want to lash out on others who disagree even slightly. Over the years I have been on discussion boards and frankly I used to get all upset with obnoxious people. Then I decided to learn self discipline by not overly reacting to their nonsense. I have made a hug difference and taught me a lot of self control.
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
14 Sep 11
It does not always happen that way. It depends on how a discussion is carried out. more can be learned if it carried out in a calm manner. That is when the mind is more receptive, and the brain can think in a more rational way. Having a civilised disagreement helps in broadening our horizon, as long as wr are prepared to accept the fact that there are other viewpoints to an issue.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
15 Sep 11
Absolutely right Great point Discussions need to be in a calm manner to be the most productive since we can't think as clearly or as rationally when overly emotional.