Why she didn't pay me?

By Mae
@junmae (1592)
Philippines
October 20, 2011 12:53am CST
I had this co-worker which is actually a friend of mine. Last month she asked favor with me to lend her money because she has to pay somebody. She promised me to pay back on our pay day but 2 consecutive pay days came but she still didn't pay me. I reminded her on the payment but she keeps on promising me to pay later or on the next day. But I noticed she seldom talk with me since I asked her for the payment. Everyday, I saw her with a Starbucks frappe coffee and some expensive food items for her breakfast and snacks. She usually go out for lunch in an expensive restaurant near our office and she always had take out food for her team. I was just wondering why she cannot pay me when she can afford expensive foods. I wanted to confront her one of these days but I would like to seek an advise first.
5 people like this
30 responses
@SIMPLYD (79762)
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
Well my friend, you have to confront her and insist on her payment. But if i were you, i would email her or if there's YM in your office i would send her a message through it. By YM, you can demand that she answer it. If she still would promise you on some days, you say your piece as well as your observations. And tell her if she won't pay, everybody will know of her "utang" to you. That way, you will avoid quareling with her where everybody can hear it. You have just dealt with a social climber my friend.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
You're definitely right Simplyd, I have dealt with a social climber friend. She is living beyond her means, she doesn't care if I needed the money that she owed me. Actually, she bought a new Ipod Touch, and it was very disappointing. It made me realized that the money she had borrowed was for her own luxury. I don't care if she bought new stuff for herself but I just wanted her to know that she must prioritized her payment. I don't want to cause her trouble but the money she had used from me was equal to the Ipod that she bought that's why I am really eager to get it.
@SIMPLYD (79762)
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
Ha? Doesn't an IPOD costs a lot? So she owed you a lot! What a shame, to buy yourself a luxury at the expense of borrowing money from others and not paying it at all as promised. It's time for payback, so you have tell her that.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Yes friend, she really owed me a lot. I think I am just stupid to believe on her easily. I will try to ask her again this coming payday. If she really refuse to pay me, I will ask our HR to do necessary actions towards her.
@ShepherdSpy (8562)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
20 Oct 11
Some so called "Friends" just use the connection to take advantage of your generous nature...then make YOU out to be the unreasonable person for wanting to be given back what they promised to return..As You say,it seems She has the money when she can splurge on lunches and expensive coffee bars..and as You're not joining her there,it seems You need the money more than She does..I do hope You get repaid,but lending money is the hard way to find out who your true Friends are..
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Maybe I'm just her friend because she had borrowed money from me. After that, when I keep on asking her about the payment, she was no longer talking with me like what we used to be. You are right, some friends used there connection to take advantage with others.
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
24 Oct 11
About the only positive thing about your experience is,It can be an expensive way of discovering who your true friends are,but it does work..
@keihimekawa (2010)
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
This is one of the drawback whenever you lend money to a friend. I used to have an issue whenever I ask for the money back from a friend. But then, if he/she doesn't seem to give the money back, it's best to approach the person and ask for it yourself. I think it's best if you approach her and ask for the money again, especially that you always see her eating something or going somewhere expensive. Since she's a friend, you can flat out say "Hey, you have Starbucks! Can I have the money I lent you so I can buy one too?" Or something along that line. If you feel awkward getting money from a friend straight-out, you can try the "shy" approach like "I really am short these past few days because of unforeseen expenditures. Will it be ok if I have the money I lent you back? I really am short these past few days" Good luck on getting your money back :)
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Thanks for the suggestion friend. Actually I once begged her to return at least half of the money because I have to buy something for my child. She told me that she doesn't even have money to pay the her rent. I was so devastated at that time and I am thinking that she will never really pay me. But I know that I have the right to force her to pay me because it was my money and she only begged for it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Oct 11
Aww that's too bad. It's understandable if you can really see her trying to make both ends meet but you see her with such expensive goods and going to hang outs. I really hope you can get your money back. I think if you keep asking the money from her, she'll eventually give in :) By the way, thanks for the best response
@beingwell (3627)
• Thailand
20 Oct 11
It's always difficult to ask back the money one lends to someone. My take on this is that there is no reason for you to feel awkward in asking the money back. It's yours in the first place and you only want that someone to stand by her words. Honestly, if anyone should feel ashamed of this situation, it should be her. That's my take on this.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Yes, I do believe that I shouldn't be the one to get ashamed when asking for pay back. But I think that was the rule in this world.
@beingwell (3627)
• Thailand
25 Oct 11
It's fine to ask for your money back, junmae. It also teaches your friend a lesson on humility and responsibility.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
junmae This is so not fair to you. You did her a favor and now she can't respect you enough to pay you back and talk to you about it. This is always huyrtful...I am sorry it happened to you. I would confront her again and tell her you are hurt she is disrespecting you. I wish you all the best...
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
That was very disrespectful especially when she was avoiding me knowing that she owed me money. I am just getting the right time to confront her about it.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
21 Oct 11
junmae ..I think you should..she needs to know not to treat people that way..best wishes...
• Indonesia
20 Oct 11
I suggested you go to her and tried to ask for your money by way of friendship. I thought you should give kind of word that can touch her feelings. Think about what kind of sentence you would want to convey to your friend and please do not ever beg for her, because the money you asked for is your money or your right. If she doesn't respond to your asking, try talking to her closet family. Hope you succeed.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
I do asked her in a friendly manner but It didn't worked actually. I am getting tired of asking her about it but it seems that she doesn't care at all.
• United States
23 Oct 11
How much does she owe you? If it's a small amount, I would suggest that you just forget about it and warn other people not to lend her money. If it's a larger amount, I suggest you confront her publicly about it.
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
are you really "friends" with her... or maybe just a plain co-worker? true friends open with each other on how their feel and if something is bothering them. and how come you dont go to lunch together. i think she doesnt see you as a real friend. she was just being nice so she could borrow money from you. im sorry for being blunt coz this happened to me a lot a times coz i was too nice.. but i learned my lesson though. i only lend money to people who are really close to me. who i'd feel comfortable asking for the money incase they fail to pay me back. give it another shot.. talk to her in private and tell her... "remeber you borrowed money on_____ and u said u gonnA pay me back. we all haVE financial problems. i helped you when you had yours. " hope this one helps.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Thanks for the suggestion. Now I realized she did not consider me as a friend but we were only friends during the time that she had borrowed money. I know that there's a thing could "karma". I had helped her but she didn't even bother to think about it. I am not asking her to pay the whole amount in one time payment but I am kind enough to say to her that she can pay me half of the amount and then other half on the next pay day.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
20 Oct 11
Ask her when she can pay and take post dated checks so you have some security in hand if she stop talking to you latter.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Hello Piya! A friend told me about asking her to issue a check since the money is large enough to be issued on check. I told my coworker about this and she told me that why should she have to do that, she even said that she can pay the whole amount before the end of October. And few days left before October ends, yet she still now paying me.
@ckciasigurl (1570)
• Vienna, Austria
20 Oct 11
hi junmae you know what it is not only you who have a problem like this i have a friend who borrowed a money for me and she told to pay me after 3 days but she told me next month after the next month it moved to next month until now she didn't pay almost 1 year already i can say that it is really hard to believe in there promises even though they are your friend,it is really hard to deal with a person when it becomes to the money , i can advise you that you txt or talk to the person that you really need the money badly i hope your problem will be resolved.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
She also did the same. She told me to return the money on the next pay day, after that she will told me on the next pay day again. Now it's been the fourth pay day since she borrowed the money and that was totally annoying.
@sjvg1976 (18386)
• Delhi, India
20 Oct 11
Hello Junmae, OH yes i have also met lot of people who ask for money and at the time of borrowing they will be very polite and agree to return it whenevr you will ask them but in reality when you will ask for your own money they will simply give excuses but not money. I have lend money to many of my friends and got my money back but never on time.I used to feel shy to ask my money back from them and thats the reason i never got it at the time when they committed to return back. Therefore i suggest you to hang to her and daily ask for your money and one after getting irritated she will return your money back.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Actually, I even course through her team mate to inform her about the payment. But it didnt worked. I am so annoyed yet I don't have anything to do but to wait again for another pay day and then ask her all over again.
@huilichan8 (1379)
• Singapore
20 Oct 11
There will always b those who take advantage of other pp. I used to hv a colleague always never paid every time I helped her buy lunch. She also like to sponge on other colleagues. Personally, I dared not ask her for payment cos I was new there. Since u know this person as a friend, maybe u cld confront her abt it but try to do it in private. Otherwise, I m pretty sure she'll deny it and it may end up straining ur relationship further.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Because of what she did, I can no longer consider her as a friend because obviously she had used me. She's not talking with me like what we used to. We are also not going to lunch just like before. But I don't care about it, I just want my money back.
@sunli123 (540)
• China
20 Oct 11
Your friend should keep her promise and pay money back to you in time. If she has some financial problems, she could tell you frankly. When I was in grade three in high school, once the teacher asked the class to pay some material charges temporarily. The amount was a bit large at that time and I didn't have it. I borrowed money from my deskmate and promised to return money as soon as I had. I returned her money 1 week later and apologized for so long time. Then she said, it was OK, she knew I didn't have money in that period, so didn't ask me. I was so touched at that moment and still remember her till today, though we've lost contact with each other after graduation. Good luck to you.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Yes you are right, if she didn't have the money to pay then she should tell me. I can understand her if she honestly told me her situation, I am not greedy with regards to money and I am willing to help as long as I can. But what she did was so disrespectful and I even saw her buying luxuries yet she cant still pay me? You are a good person because of your honesty, I just hope my coworker will did the same.
@zeciram (161)
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
That's the reason why she needed to borrow money because she lives beyond her means. I think you should definitely ask her about her payment to her loan. First, maybe you can ask her nicely to avoid any bad blood between the two of you. If she still would not pay you, that is the time that I think you may need to be confrontational. Also, you may ask her in time when she receives her salary so she cannot claim that she has no money to pay you. Good luck!
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
I always approached her in friendly manner but I felt stupid because it seems that I was the one who owed her money. Ive always tried to collect money during pay day but sometimes she was on leave.
@r3jcorp (1384)
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
Because you are seeing her to be extravagant, it is just right to ask her to pay you now. You could possibly understand the situation if you are seeing her having a difficult time. Maybe, that should be a lesson to you not to lend anymore to anyone unless it is for emergency reason.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Oct 11
Yes, that's why I am eager to ask her to return the money because she didn't need it anymore since she can buy expensive products and eat in an expensive restaurants.
• China
20 Oct 11
if she really consider u as her friend,she will take care of ur thought,and pay u back even appologize to u.if she doesn't consider u as a friend,why should u think about her?just say directly to her,try to ask ur money back,this is my suggestion.Good luck!
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
I think she didn't considered me as a friend but only uses me instead. Because if she does, she will pay the money immediately. Thanks for the suggestion friend.
@scheng1 (24800)
• Singapore
27 Apr 17
She has no intention to pay. I think you have to embarrass her in order to make her pay. Such person is not worthy of being your friend in the first place.
@Kalyni2011 (3503)
• India
29 Jan 12
In my opinion she can definitely pay you, but her intention is certainly not to pay!!! Always remember advise of seniors, never lend money to friends and relatives, if you really want to help, give money, tell her, you need not pay back. Thus you will not lose that friend thnxs for sharing in details..
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
28 Jan 12
It sounds like she has no intention of paying you back. If she is eating at expensive restaurants and drinking starbucks, then she obviously has money. And her avoidance of you since you started asking about the money makes it pretty clear to me that she doesn't really intend to pay you back. I would be very surprised if you did get paid. I think if you stop asking for it and pretend that it never happened you might be able to save the friendship (if that is something you want to do). Otherwise I think that I would start avoiding her since she obviously doesn't want anything to do with the situation. Maybe a little "reverse psychology" is in order. Good luck with that.
@globaldoc (860)
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
I think you have every right to personally confront her for the money. However, I do not suggest you mentioning about what you have observed. It may stir up trouble. You will never know the reasons behind, but you can go ahead and tell her that during the time she needed the money, you provided her with the help she needed. Now it is your time to need the money, and it is just right for you to have the money you own in the first place. If she does not pay up on the said time and day, then you can start mentioning those things already. However, you have to make sure that when you do that, there should be someone else who knows that, or you should have your conversation recorded. This is just to make sure that she does not turn the entire situation against you.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
29 Oct 11
If ever you lend money to a friend, there are two things to remember: 1. A true friend will not ask you for money. 2. If someone asks you for money, they are not your friend. I have a rule never to borrow money and never to lend it. If my friend needs money I will give it as a gift. If they are genuine and true they will pay me back. When money comes between 2 people, friendship flies out the window. It was a large amount it seems, can you take her to court? Then she will have to pay costs as well. Report her to the police...what she has done is theft. Ask your boss for help to get your money back...explain that the loss of the amount is causing you hardship with your family. Contact her family. Explain who you are, tell them what happened and ask them for your money. You need not be shy to do any of these things because the shame is hers. She is a liar and a thief.