The Boyfriend and Girlfriend Package Deal

@katcarneo (1433)
Philippines
November 8, 2011 5:42pm CST
When Tan got back home from an overnight, out-of-town company leisure trip, he started telling stories and he mentioned the boyfriend of one of his co-workers who was there, and there was another guy there who brought his girlfriend along. I asked why those people brought their partners along when it was a company activity. Tan said that if they didn't then they wouldn't be allowed by their partners to go at all. Why do some people prohibit their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives to go certain places with co-workers and friends and insist on tagging along? Tan and I never ASK each other's permission to go out and meet friends. We TELL each other that we'll go out on this or that day with this or that person and that's it. Sometimes we go to see his friends of my friends together, and that's a mutual decision. Really, honestly, I am appalled by the boyfriend-girlfriend package deal as I also have a friend who always has to bring along her boyfriend on every friends' meet-ups because if she didn't then she wouldn't be allowed to go.
2 people like this
6 responses
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
9 Nov 11
It was like that with my ex, he hated me going place by my self. Annoyed me more than anything, but then he couldnt say I'd done something etc. He had to try and control things. But if it is to do with something for work, you should not be taking your partner along. End of Issue, even the boss should have done something. Long as you both tell each other what you are doing, you both need space to be your own person.
2 people like this
@katcarneo (1433)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
As the boss wanted all the members of the team to be there, she had to agree to those people tagging their partners along. It was a trip to the beach but it's still a company thing so yeah, those boyfriends and girlfriends shouldn't have insisted on coming.
2 people like this
• Canada
9 Nov 11
Lack of trust, personal insecurity or self-esteem issues are things that come to mind. I've never understood bringing a spouse or partner to a work-related function unless it's the yearly holiday party or something of that nature that is strictly a social event. If people have to attend workshops, team-building activities, conferences, etc., that are directly related to their job, there is absolutely no need for the tag-along. I couldn't be with someone that thinks they have the right to "disallow" me from attending something that is required by my employer or has so little trust in me that I couldn't meet up with friends on my own. That kind of relationship would be positively stifling.
1 person likes this
@katcarneo (1433)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
Right, I also don't want to be with someone like that. Being in a relationship with someone does not mean owning that person and restricting his or her activities. I suppose there are some instances when not allowing a partner to go somewhere can be okay, like when Tan was already drunk and then was asked by another group of friends to go out and drink. I didn't allow him to go and he got mad but the next day when he was sober and we talked about it, he agreed I was right not to let him go. But if someone would want to come along with me wherever I go, I can't bear with that.
2 people like this
• Canada
9 Nov 11
Oh, of course, you're completely right that there are extenuating circumstances sometimes... like you keeping Tan at home because he was already drunk. That was a logical decision for his own well-being and makes perfect sense -- just like taking away someone's car keys or not giving them more money. Sometimes, there are already trust issues in the relationship, too, which make it more difficult to fully let go and see the other person just "doing whatever they want" or going wherever they want without having to answer for themselves... but those are things that need to be resolved for the relationship to stay healthy. If they can't be resolved, I don't think there's much future for a couple like that. You can't really live happily in a relationship where one or both people feel like they're on a leash all the time.
@katrinapaz (2438)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
in our situation, my boyfriend never goes out on friends outing if i am not with him. its not that he or i dont have trust on him but then he does not want to be happy with friends and i am nowhere or not by his side. it is kind of unfair because there are times that i dont tag him along when it is I who go on meet ups.
1 person likes this
@katcarneo (1433)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
Well his intentions are good, so I guess that's okay. I just hate those who don't let their partners go or tag along with them wherever they go because they are insecure or paranoid. Tan and I also go out with each other's friends from time to time. He also worries about my staying home and his going out sometimes, so he asks me to come. Sometimes I don't. But usually we go out with friends on the same days, separately.
1 person likes this
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
9 Nov 11
That is just distrust , they dont trust on their partner and they are very jealous people, they are too posesive, they think they own the person. Life in partner shouldnt be like that , being with somebody doesnt mean You lost your freedom 100% , they should be a little more of everyoneself. When I go out with any friend I just tell my husband : Can you take care of the kids ? I want to go shopping or have a cafe or have lunch or dinner whatever i am going to do, and I am glad that his answer is always positive , well actually i am not asking him permission I am just letting him know.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
9 Nov 11
There is lack of trust in some relationships.
@bagarad (12653)
• Paso Robles, California
9 Nov 11
I have the opposite problem. My husband wants me to go with him to a lot of appointments with him I really don't want to attend. It's like he wants my input on the situations. I'd be perfectly willing to let him make those decisions, but he feels more secure if I'm with him. When we were first married he wanted us to do everything together, which I thought was silly, since we had some different interests. I didn't want to drag him to things he wasn't interested in, and I didn't really want to go along to events that didn't interest me.