Did you ever doubt yourself???

@mr_pearl (5037)
India
November 23, 2011 7:36pm CST
My dear fellows... I'm sorry for another gloomy post. I'm in the gloom and it affects my mood. It is a fine winter morning here; fine for happy guys, maybe. It doesn't do anything to make things better... So I sit alone with my cigarette and coffee (its my 30 min break at work), and wonder,'Am I worth it?' There's plenty of rubbish like me all over world, right?? I'd thought, since childhood, that everyone, in the end, gets to be happy. It was a false assumption, just dawned upon me; i lived with that on my mind for 28 years. My recent reading showed me that there's and has been plenty of me, for centuries... Many guys have remained alone, deserted and unhappy throughout the life.. Am I one of them? Am I kind of a fellow who'll never be able to get true people? Am I never gonna be happy? Am I really worth it? Have you doubted yourself, like I do? Please share, I'm tormented with doubts and am confused..
3 people like this
14 responses
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
I often felt this back when i was away from home and when i was living alone at our own home. :) Having no one by your side makes you feel alone and lonely. I tried to reach out to my friends for some company but most of them have their own busy lives. I pity myself and ask why no one seems to care. Doubts just overwhelmed me that i end up crying almost every night. Asking God why am I like this why am i in this situation. But i found out also that's there a lot of people living like me too. That woke me up and turned to God. Talking (praying) to HIM somewhat eased my pains and made me realize that I am lucky compared to others. I still have my family intact whom I can spend time any day i like if i wanted to. They are what i only got. Sometimes i'm making ends meet or live within my means. Financial or emotional i know i'm still lacking and not content but I'm trying my best to be happy. I know that day, when i'm much content, happy and apeace, will come. If you are like me who is loner and shy, why not try to expand your network like get involve in volunteers so we can meet other people. Keep in mind that you are not alone. We are worth it?Let's just be positive okay?
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello there... Yes, I'm a loner and yes I'm shy... I speak freely on myLot (can't imagine how), but in real life, I'm loathe to reveal my inner thoughts. Makes me kind of a loner. Had I had the means to be strong, then with this nature, I'd have been so successful. What I lack is the strength- emotional one! Thanks a lot!
• Philippines
25 Nov 11
Those are part of our melancholic temperament. We have this difficulty in expressing because we are very private and being in a group somewhat drains all our energy. so we are better of alone. Why are we able to express here? i guess because it doesn't need much talking literally opening your mouth but only thoughts flowing from our mind. Do you see the difference? :) I'm no expert on personality types but i suggest you read a book on this, about the 4 types of temperament. You will learn more and understand better yourself. :) Regrets or blame anyone for growing up timid and "inconfident" (im not sure if you are too, like me) will do no help. Instead of focusing on our weakness let's try to improve our strengths. We can also turn our weakness into strength if you are just willing to find ways. Somehow this weaknesses are also associated with fear (just my thoughts). I can truly understand you 'cause until now sometimes i can't help but blame myself for being this and that that's why i am not as successful as others. Comparing ourselves to others also worsen our inferiority. So in order to get over this sentiments i encourage myself to be better and to compete with myself and only me. :)
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hi, seems to me that you know more about me than I do... Or rather, you know a lot about my type of people. I gather, you've had similar experiences. Moreover, you seem to have overcome it. How glad it feels to see somone has got over this. I'll try to follow your advice. There's something about making the weakest point into the strongest one... I love the idea. But will need to work on it... :-). Thanks a lot...
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
Yes I have doubted myself so many times too. But still there were times that I know I shouldn't be. I still feel that there are a lot of good things that may happen along the way. We never when could that be, but this thought somehow gives me the hope. You are still young. Many others are older than you who hasn't accomplished anything in their life at all. But they just enjoy their life and continue trying to reach their goals.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Nov 11
SOOO well, said, m'dear! Insight way beyond your years! You are an inspiration! I am a little chagined too...at all of the emphasis placed on outside stimuli...to make YOU happy...what about introspect, like you have! What about being contented, and growing from there? You seem to have mastered a true balance...good on you!
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
well all of us, at some point in life may feel a bit distress. It's very normal, in fact I really feel sad this morning But I've got to tell myself no way because I will only end up feeling more disappointed. That's why I am not so active today I had to do something else earlier. But then now I am okay. Yup we have to really examine our own feelings, what we want in our life. We shouldn't allow ourselves to wallow in our loneliness.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Nov 11
I have NO stresses about you feeling "a bit sad"...sometimes I think it is good...the impetus to "seize the day!" And make things that are wrong ...RIGHT! I really get concerned, enelym, when I see some-one base all of their happiness on one thing, and in this case, ONE love! I was told, many years ago, when I was in a funk..."it is difficult to love you, if you don't love yourself,"...when I thought about it..it is so true! You can't exist on outside resources for your happiness...nor limit your world to relying on your happiness being found in some-one else! Lonely is...as lonely does! Love your spirit! Off to work now, but back in touch soon!
@SIMPLYD (79623)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
Living alone at all times could really be saddening. But then, it is up to you to make your life more colorful. You can opt to be friends with your neighbors or visit your family once in a while. They are the ones that makes life worth living for. Or perhaps you can opt to find someone who can share your life with. Believe me, when you finally find one, your life will always be happy. Though, i must admit it will not be always a bed of roses, but you can choose to make it happy.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello Simplyd... Thanks a lot! I'm trying to make it nice. I'll try to make myself happy. There's not much left to make me feel better, but i'll find out from the bottom of the gloom, something to keep it going... I'll try, as there's nothing better to do...
@SIMPLYD (79623)
• Philippines
25 Nov 11
Actually, happiness depends on ourselves. It's an inner feeling , that we alone can choose whether to have it or not. Maybe you can have a hobby that can truly bring out the best in you, ultimately make you happy. Maybe you can join a social club and meet people. Watch happy movies and TV shows. Avoid those that can dampen the spirit. Most of all, try to cultivate more time with God. You will feel an inner feeling and you will be amazed that it could be felt by just simply talking with HIM.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hi... I love reading, writing here n comedy movies... I'll try to be focused. God, I hope, won't desert me now. I'm trying to get back my old self... Thanks a lot Miss... You've been helpful a lot...
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
24 Nov 11
There are always moments for lonely thoughts, but they are just thoughts, let it remain in there. Don't put yourself in the shoes of minority or majority because in the vast world, we can never be sure which is which. Look at it in a positive way and say, it's equal. Number of loner, deserted and unhappy people are on par with, happy, attached people. Since it's a 50-50 chance, u can always jump to the other side of it, with a slight change of mood. Don't mind what others say about u, or how people look at u. U are u, the one and only U. Turn your gloomy self into a unique selling point, making yourself mysterious to others, allowing them the chance to try to explore u.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hi Miss... Thanks a lot.. Your idea of turning weak point into the strongest one is nice. It has happened in the history... Yet it is hard to do... Isn't there anything? I mean why won't God help me??? :-(
1 person likes this
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
26 Nov 11
Depend on yourself, not god.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
27 Nov 11
Right.. I agree with you now... Things have been as bad as they could be, but I need to plan things in a better way now. A lot of it is going to be required to clean up the mess. God help me!!!
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
24 Nov 11
I can relate to those feelings. I can remember feeling like I was always going to be alone, that I would never be the woman that someone else really cared about, I would never be happy. The truth of it was, and still is, I have to/had to learn how to be happy with myself before anything or anyone else in the world will make me happy. I had finally resigned myself to a life of being a single Mom, and had finally become pretty comfortable with myself, and actually began to really enjoy myself and my life with my kids, when my husband literally showed up on my doorstep and turned my world upside down. I still have my moments, when we aren't quite getting along as well as we could, or things aren't going the way we planned for them to, or I feel as if he doesn't care to spend any quality time with me...I feel inadequate and lonely. Then, I have to remind myself that I need to love myself and be happy with myself because if I am not happy with me, how can I expect him to be? Hang in there. When you least expect it, your forever will walk right into your life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
I agree with you. You have to love yourself before anyone else. But there's a thin line between self-love and selfish. So let's be aware of that. We cannot give what we don't have, right? Before looking for something or someone, i guess we should find happiness in us first so we can share it to others.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello.. Thanks a lot for sharing... I understand the point. I need to be strong, pamper myself and start living on my own. I've given up the hope that any lady will ever walk into my life. That is real saddening thing. But if that's how it is, then I need to learn to be on my own and stay happy with it. It is not a simple task, but I'll try my best... Thanks a lot for those invaluable and supporting words... Good day!
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
24 Nov 11
Oh yes many times. I grow up with a very close person putting me down all the time and I still get over it, so I have a thousand reasons to not believe in myself and just one to: I learned how to create selfesteem, but sometimes I hear that voice again and I go down. Maybe I'll struggle for the rest of my life but I hope I will be better.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello Katie... Thanks a lot.. I appreciate your fighting spirit... I am like that. But sometimes the gloom overcomes everything and gets me low.. I'll learn it from you.. Thank you!!!
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
Hi pearl, Doubting oneself is part of being human under any circumstances in life. It is a part of by product of experiences brought about by the situations of your life that affects you, your being..Meaning, these are things left unresolved and by correcting those doubts and apprehensions need more strength to overcome such and be cleared in one's state of mind. All of us are rubbish in this world, and continuously try to make a great part in this world by making our dreams come true that we opted since when we are child. Mostly, we are affected so much by the environment around us that gives us feelings to realize if we are really part of this or not? that is where doubt arises, especially when no one cared to understand the true side of us inspite of our efforts to be with them all this time of our life, not just to live but to survive as well. There is no such perfect place where we can go and say " IM happy in this place" all part in it may partly be compromised, and it is a matter of how to accept, adjust and give limitations to those things that will make you feel unhappy. IT is true that when we are a child, as we grow up there are lot false assumptions that we realized,Why it has to be of this kind now, but you know, these false assumptions may have a good effect in your life like giving you a descent and earning job to improve your life as well, also, on the other hand, some false assumptions may give a negative product at the end, however, I believe you are still lucky because your false assumptions, may have been false in reality but gave you a credit now in life. True people are very hard to find, this is when selection of friends comes along by giving yourself a limitation on how will you accept them and resolve them. Most people like us, when we are alone, having those times when we think of many things that only us can understand, mainly because, this is the time we can think of things over with no boundaries like work. A break time that for others may considered as nothing, but for us, a break time having a coffee is one of the most important moment we are able to really think about ourselves most rather other people. Yes you are really worth to be happy, contented in life, the most is Really worth to be a person. You also play a worth part together with us here at mylot.When nobody ever cares about us in our environment, in this site, you can feel that much more worth is given to you, because, the understanding of the real situation and shared experiences are good sources of helpful reliever. With those people your working now , They may not know you that far being a person, but, as far I know, a deeper and greater credit was given back to you because we are not physically part of your true environment, but we are part of your emotional being..So cheer up now..This is one of the answer as to where to find true people, people that will truly accept you in no conditions, hesitations and even n0 false assumptions ..
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello... Thanks a lot... You've given me a lot to think over... I read your post 3 times, before i began to write... I'll need to think... I'm trying to fix things and there's a lot to be done... God Help me!
• United States
25 Nov 11
I'm your polar opposite. I Never thought I was suppose to be happy. I always thought when I found myself happy , it was a mistake. I Never deserved to be happy.But a few years ago I was told and I Finally believed that I had worth and happiness Was suppose to be mine at times then I got to be really happy. You are worthy and yes you will be happy in time. Just hang in there.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello Sarah... These days, I have begun to see things your way.. If anything good comes my way, I feel there must be some mistake... I am glad that you're leading a happy life... And trust me, I am dying to be happy... It seems to have been ages, since I felt happiness... And that is why, I fear at times, am I worth it? You say, I am... And everyone I have met says, I am... But I don't know, how it is gonna happen... I'll simply try, hereafter, to be happy, even when alone... Thanks a lot dear... Have a good day!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Nov 11
What helped me was realizing that I still can do things I love to do. And that's where I met my guy. So when you are ready. go do something you like to do,something that makes you happy. Then look around and see if there are women around that are enjoying the same thing. If so , try to become friends. At least you two have something in common. I do believe if you keep your eyes and your heart open , you will not be All alone All your life. But you Have to mend first. That way when you find her , you will be ready to love her and not just use her to not be lonely. hang in there and keep writing , All your friends are here for you.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Thanks a lot Sarah... Thanks for those cheerful words... Your action plan isn't bad too... But do you think, I'll be able to talk to a girl again? I mean, can I get romantic and all??? I seem to have forgotten everything... Gosh!! I'll try to do something to elevate my mind.. Need to do something different and better... I need the help from God now, more than ever.. .thanks a lot Sarah...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
Being alone makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is one of life's most miserable experiences. Everyone feels lonely at times,but is there a message for us in loneliness?is there a way we can turn it into something positive?Sometimes loneliness is a temporary condition that departs in a few hours or a couple days. But when you're burdened with this emotions for weeks,months or even years, its a definitely telling you something. God's answer to loneliness is not the quantity of your relationship ,but the quality. How is your relationship with God? Is it close and intimate ,like that of a loving,caring father,and his child?Or is your relationship with God cold and distant,only superficial? As you reconnect with God and your prayers become more conversational and less formal,you'll actually feel God's presence. His reassurance is not just your imagination. We worship a God who lives among his people through the Holy Spirit. Loneliness is God's way ,first, of drawing us closer to him,then forcing us to reach out to other people. For many of us ,improving our relationship with other and letting them get close to us is a distasteful cure, as dreaded as taking your toothache to a dentist. But satisfying ,meaningful relationships take time and work. We're afraid to open up. were afraid to let another person open up to us. Friendship requires giving,but it also requires taking,and many of us would rather be independent. Yet the persistence of your loneliness should tell you that your past stubbornness hasn't worked either. If you muster the courage to restore your relationship with God, then with others, you'll find your loneliness lifting. This is not a spiritual band- aid, but a real cure that works. Your risks toward others will be rewarded. You'll find someone who understand and cares,and you'll find others who you understand and care about as well. Like a visit to the dentist,this cure turns out to be only final ,but much less painful than you feared ^^.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello... Thanks a lot... Your advice is unique and valuable.. My relations with God are like a Father and a spoiled child... That is why, seems to me, God isn't happy with me and I am having hard times. Hope this phase will pass soon... I want to be happy, I need to be, actually... I'll try to follow your advice.. Thank you! Must build up relationship with God once again. Must seek His help to resolve the problems... I thank you again Miss, for showing me the light.. .
• Philippines
26 Nov 11
You are welcome. I love to share what I experienced. When you feel alone. Try to pray and read some encouraging words from the God in the bible or if you don't have one let me share you this one www.buzzle.com/articles/encouraging-bible-verses-for-hard-times.html when I hard a hand time I usually go there and read some encouraging words from GOD and after that I feel so great. I hope this will help you ^^.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
28 Nov 11
Yes, I'll definitely try it... I'll do anything for some happiness... I hope, God would not abandon me... Thanks a lot Miss... Have a good day!!!
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
24 Nov 11
I truly want to give you a push, pull, tug or drag...OUT of your "pit" of emotional depression...and council you to start looking at the good things? Can you see? Can you hear...smell...walk and talk? Please, please look around you...at those sooooo MUCH less fortunate..the man with the cane (white)..the lady with no shoes..the beggar pushing the cart, with all of his worldly belongings....Make today, the day, you make a difference...and stop wallowing in your recent lost love! How about today....be the day that you volounteer...to help those really LESS fortunate...and maybe you can appreciate what you have! I know I sound harsh, but I am thinking you do need that push!
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
That's an excellent suggestion! And I really wanna help you drag him out of his depression And everything you said is true, there's a lot of VERY LESS fortunate out there without any shelter and no food to eat. They're lonely but they have the will to live and continue their life each and every day. I once read it on the internet: Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it. Look at your loneliness with detachment.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Nov 11
Thank you, dear enelym...I really wished there was something I could do...and with your support...maybe...just maybe! And your words of wisdom, are food for thought! We all face...downtimes, downdays...but we are given the tools...by the grace of God..to be the master of our destinies! Once again...love your spirit!
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hi... Both of you are such angels... I must have done something real good. Thank you... Thank you million tiimes... Your mere words have started giving me inspiration. What if, I'm gonna be alone forever, I at least have means to survive (you're right, not everyone has that)... What I'll lack is the emotional support by a life partner. But I'd not cry over that. It'll get worse when I'll be old, though. Thats the age when one needs it more. But I'll overcome that too, anyhow... Thank you my Angels...
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (32867)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
25 Nov 11
I can certainly understand this feeling. I do sometimes doubt myself. I do have my moments from time to time. I wouldn't say that it happens all the time, but I do have my moments of doubt.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hi Dodo.. thanks for sharing... Waht do you do, when you have negative thoughts? when you feel low??? Please let me know, if you are able to overcome it... Thank you again!
24 Nov 11
hi:) I also feel that way sometimes especially when I'm alone at my room, there are some things that I thought I deserve but can't have it, there are people that I try to please but I don't see the affection back, so when I feel like this I wrote this on my blog and then weigh the good and bad, and always comes out that I still have more things and people to be thankful of, than to feel frustrated in some things. so try this too, and cheer up:)
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello there.. thanks a lot... Writing diary is really a good habit, these days it amounts to writing blog.. I don't have my blog yet, but I'll create one soon... How do we start with it? Where do I register to have a blog of my own??? Please let me know.. Thank you!
@davaome (1828)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
hi mr_pearl, I don't want to be optimistic but, you'll be happy someday don't worry. you just need something that would trigger that happiness inside of you:) For a happy go lucky guy like me, its very simple trigger my happines, drinking with friends, spending the holidays with the family, i even watch a movie by myself and i actually enjoyed it. Anything out of the blue, but of course all of this happens in my free time :) Look for the brighter things in life Mr_pearl, ligthen up and try to enjoy life. Have a good day
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
HI... Thanks a lot... You seem to be a party animal.. I used to be like you, in good old time. But since I fell in love, it's been bad with me... :( I'll surely try to follow your advice... Thank you!
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
in answer to the question, i think everybody does, and so did I. i believe that each one of us doubts ourselves about some things in life one way or another. when it comes to relationships, it is not far that we will feel this, too. but one cannot go on doubting forever. one should work it out. realizing what triggers the doubt, one must have done something to gain confidence and move on. there is a question, my now 19 yr old son asked me once, "Ma, why do people think that single people, or those without a husband or a wife, or a partner, are not happy? I do not think it is true." contemplating on it, i think my son is right. happiness is a choice. even without a partner, one can be happy. one just have to choose what makes him happy.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
25 Nov 11
HI Miss... Thanks a lot for sharing... This is really encouraging... I can be happy, even if I am alone... I still have doubts about it, but I am gonna give it a try... And I am hoping it'll work... I hope God will be with me... Your son really seems to gonna have a good time in his college days... ;)... His philosophy is the new trend with the generation... Thank you again!