I love my mother but....

@shiesse (308)
Canada
December 28, 2011 2:45pm CST
I have a close relationship with my mother but she is also infuriating when it comes to my husband. She never really liked my husband and he is the one who stays home with my children while I worked (on maternity right now but before then) She makes rude comments about him spending my money, when we do not see it that way it is our money. If I do something like take out the garbage or recycling she says what's wrong with him why can't he do it. I have gotten angry and yelled at her but really most time ignore it because I don't want to argue. Anyone else ever had issues like this with their own mother? How would you handle it?
1 person likes this
8 responses
• United States
28 Dec 11
My own mother has done the same thing to me, however, I know the reason why she does it. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. I've learned that I don't choose sides. If I tell my mom, "Yeah. You're right. He should be able to do it!", I'm hurting my husband, and vice versa. My husband isn't what my mother would say, the son-in-law of her dreams. She wants one that is portrayed in the movies. I know, and my husband knows that in time, she'll come around to love him. It will just take a lot of time. And I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. It is emotionally draining. The only advice I can give you is to just let it go in one ear and out the other. She may never come to like him, but he is your husband, and you do have a family. Just keep your head high, and I wish you luck!
@shiesse (308)
• Canada
29 Dec 11
My husband and I have been together 12 years, if she doesn't like him yet I'm not sure she ever will. It is extreamly difficult to let go sometimes, and I appriciate your empathy. Thanks you for the advise
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Dec 11
I have been there and Im actually there right now! I try to ignore it as much as possible and sometimes I just say he is my husband and I love him. I dont want to hear comments about him. Mostly my grandmother says the most about him and thats mainly what I do is ignore it. My grandma hates all men so she says things about everyone its terrible. Sometimes I also tell her I dont wanna hear it or I give my famous im getting tired of hearing it looks. Lol.
@shiesse (308)
• Canada
29 Dec 11
Mostly I try to ignore it as well but she sometimes doesn't know when to stop and I have occasionally flipped on her, then I feel horrible for how I talked to mother. Not that I would have called her anything nasty because I'd never be able to disrespect my mother in that manner but it doesn't seem right to raise my voice at my mom
• United States
28 Dec 11
If Your mother is not living with you then she will not need to know you took out the garbage. Your mother just wants your husband to take care of you.Don't tell her anythign about what is going on and maybe she will be quiet about stuff.
@shiesse (308)
• Canada
29 Dec 11
She doesn't live with me but does come to visit and this is when the, in my opinion, inappropriate comments come into play. It can be infuriationing and doesn't feel like she means well but wants to see the bad in my husband
@dhawanbm (3705)
• India
30 Dec 11
I think your husband might be slow turner and not taking to tasks often thus your mom wants him to be straight upright and work like a man. She feels he is hopless lazy legs and dont want to work hard.
• United States
30 Dec 11
These issues in a relationship are common. Our mothers sometimes dream of Mr.Right as being the typical rich man that will buy you a house, car, jewelery you name it. But what they don't know is some of that might not matter to all of us women because we value love more than materialistic stuffs. Coming back to your situation, tell your mom to respect your husband and your marriage because you love him. There's no need for arguments because this is your life and she needs to respect that. Basically, what she is doing is breaking up a house and that's an evil thing to do. If she loves you, she wouldn't do that to you and should support you as long as your husband is treating you well and taking care of your children. For whatever good reason your husband staying at home is rather than working and you are ok with it then it's acceptable. It's no one else's business including your mom. That's what marriage is all about. If you guys are happy with your lives then that's all that matters.
@nikelaz (34)
• Bulgaria
29 Dec 11
I don't have such issues, but If i had I wouldn't stay like that and just listen her making rude comments about someone I love and respect. Show her who the man next to you really is. She will get to like him sooner or later.. if she doesn't, she will respect him at least and she won't talk trash about him all the time.
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
29 Dec 11
hello, I do have a problem with my mom because like you my mom dont like my boyfriend. She always tease my boyfriend though I know it is a kind of joke that is offending to him. Yeah, I just ignore her but sometimes I felt that this is all over I want to stop her from doing that. When she is behind the back of my boyfriend she is telling me that I should leaved my boyfriend and not take it seriously. I can find many if I leaved my boyfriend. blah! blah! But we've been together for almost 3 years.
@vivasuzi (4125)
• United States
29 Dec 11
I've not had this issue but I am guessing your mother is stuck on the fact that he is not being "the man of the family". Many people in this society can't understand that sometimes dad's stay home and mom's work instead. Sometimes both parents work, sometimes just one. Everyone does it different but some people still think the MAN needs to work and earn for the family. Well in my family, we both work, but I make more and I handle the bills and finances around here. Yet I will still run into some old school people who make comments as if my husband should be paying the bills and I should be staying home. Some people just don't get how the world is changing. When I told someone that I get this week off for the holidays they said "so now you get to see what your husband deals with all day when he has the baby". I thought to myself - excuse me? I work, yes, but I have her every evening, every weekend, and basically anytime I am home I am watching her. He has her for a few hours every day, if that, because he works odd hours in retail. In addition she takes 2-3 naps during the day but doesn't nap all evening when I have her most days. What did I say? Well I just said I have her every evening and on weekends and days off, and when he has her she naps a lot of the time. So I didn't get angry and respond back with all that I wanted to say. Just made the simple comment, smiled, and moved on. That is how I think you should handle your mom. When she makes a comment, just explain it matter-of-factly, smile and move on. Don't get angry or start a fight even if the comment bothers you because it won't do any good.