Would you tell your friend if you see her fiancee with another girl

@dheckerz (473)
Philippines
January 25, 2012 9:36am CST
My friend is having a tough relationship with her fiancee (dad of her baby). Right now, she's been absent for several times and one friend told me that she is having problems with her relationship. Not sure if it is already known to her that her guy is seeing another girl while they are together. They live in one house with their baby but they work on different schedule. One time, a friend and I went out to grab something to eat and we saw her fiancee on a bar drinking with 3 other fellows and the other one is a girl that clings to her and doesn't look like a fancy friend. I don't know if I should tell my friend about this. Would you?
2 people like this
18 responses
• Southend-On-Sea, England
26 Jan 12
I'd probably have a quiet word with him first, letting him know - in a nice, non-confrontational way - what I'd seen. Although unlikely, I suppose it's possible there could be a rational explanation for his behaviour and it'd be awful if his finance got to know about it and jumped to the wrong conclusion?
1 person likes this
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
26 Jan 12
Guess that's a good idea. Maybe I'll just tell her in fancy way that I saw the guy with friends and up for her if she will ask more question. I don't want to get into their problem, but at the same time I also wanted to help her.
@nfrenciz (99)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
The truth will set us free. Indeed For me, of course i will. Hiding things or secrets would also have limitations, if it will harm then never mind spreading it, but if it will make things better? why not? If the girl on what You've seen is not just a friend, then it's obvious, what's he use of a relationship to go further if there is infidelity? It will just make things worst. Yes the girl, will surely be hurt, for the truth really hurts, but it would be much better if she knows what goes around. Tell her then, help her to move on, she deserve to be happy. G'day...
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@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
26 Jan 12
We all deserve to be happy. =) Yeah, but I don't know if it'll do any better. Their relationship is already shaky. I know that my friend deserves to be happy and she needs help from her close friends too. But it is still up to her to believe.Because as far as I know, couple of friends already told her that they've seen her fiancee with another girl, but for her its nothing until she sees it for real.
@emdjay23 (1575)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Well,I had this one experience when I saw my cousin in the bar with a girl and does the same thing.. The next day i went to my cousin and told him that I saw him with somebody, then several weeks after I saw him again.. during that incident I caught his attention I told him that he should stop what he's doing and if not I will tell it to his wife.. then a week again, he told me that it is over.. So maybe you just have to talk to the person involve first then maybe they can fix it.. if not.. i suggest you should tell her..
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Which one is over? The relationship of the guy with your cousin or the illicit one? I hope I'll have the courage to do so. My friend is so stressed taking care of their baby and now having to watch over an irresponsible and unfaithful man.
@CRIVAS (1822)
• Canada
25 Jan 12
I personally would tell my friend. I think that she has the right to know. However you might want to let the guy know that you have seen him. Give him the chance to tell her himself, tell him that if he doesn't come clean, you will. I think that if this guy really loves your friend, he needs to stop doing what he is doing. It is WRONG to see another person when you are in a relationship. This guy should be ashamed of himself. I am sorry that you have been put in this situation. I hope that everything works out.
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Hi Criva, thanks for your response. Actually I'm not friend with the guy, we've seen each other on parties attended but we've never talked. But I know for sure that he knows me. I'm really concerned for my friend but I'm afraid that saying something might worsen their relationship.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
25 Jan 12
That girl may be your fiancee's friend only. May be they have no other relation. Only on the basis of imagination one should not come to any conclusion. It is better not to interfere in another person's. Let them solve their own problem.
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
I agree. That's why I'm having second thoughts if I should say it or not. But on the other hand, I'm also concerned for my friend. The girl who is with his boyfriend is not just a friend and I think my friend is the only person that doesn't know it. But after you made this comment, I'm having second thoughts again if I should say it or not.
25 Jan 12
If I were you, I will ask my friend what seems to be the problem. but I wont tell her what i know directly. its like adding insult to injury, right? and if i was able to determine that if its her man cheating on her, then i would say or recommend for her to ask "probing questions" that may lead to the right answers or solutions to keep her sane.
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@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Thanks, your suggestion is great. I guess this is what I'm going to do. I know that this is the problem but according to one of our common friends, my friend who will only believe the rumors if she sees her fiancee with a girl. For her, to see is to believe. The guy is playing with her, our office is just adjacent to each other and the boyfriend is doing this while she is at work.
• United States
25 Jan 12
Well this is a hard situation. My boyfriend and my cousin actually go shopping for my christmas presents together and if one told me that they saw my boyfriend out with someone else i would get suspicious and probably ask him but then if he said he was with my cousin i would ask her then too and then get it straightened out. Well im sure it isnt his cousin he is hanging around but if its the same girl over and over again i wouldnt even bother to get married to him at all and yes i would tell your friend because she needs to know what he is doing when shes at work. I think about this alot too when im at work my boyfriend isnt working and really he doesnt work right now but i always wonder what he is doing and who he is around but i dont always thing the worst either.
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Thanks lologirl. You're lucky your boyfriend goes out with "other" girl but still you are the reason for such an action. THis one is different, but I'm having a dilemma if I should say it or not.
• United States
25 Jan 12
I would 100% YES tell my friend! I mean I would not go to her and tell her that he's cheating on her of anything I would just ask her if she knew what he had been up to that night and see what she says. Then I would break it to her slowly! I would just tell her that I was at the bar the other night and that I saw him there with a few people and there was this drunk girl hanging around him being a little to friendly. Then I would tell her that he didn't seem to be interested of anything but she might want to ask him or keep an eye on things.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 12
If it were me, and one of my friends saw my fiance/husband/boyfriend out with another woman, I would want them to tell me. I wouldn't blame them, or think they're lying. I would do my own investigation and asking before I do anything. But I think you should tell her. If you are a close friend, I'm sure she would appreciate it. If you aren't on good terms or not very close with her, then maybe don't say anything. But I would love to know if it were me! =) Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@angelako (280)
• Italy
25 Jan 12
Yes,if i see my friend's fiancee,i would tell her.I know it might cause bad on their relationship but I cannot imagine my friend doesnt knbow everything about her fiancee.they are getting married and then that what he do?Better she will know before the wedding so she has the time to backout.Its hard to be on a relationship when the other one is not truthful to it.
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
I think it is much better if you will ask your friend if she know that his fiancee is going in the bar. And if she answer yes, ask her if she know who is the person with er husband in the bard. If she will answer the different person that you see then you can now say that you saw her husband with other woman. You must make sure that her husband have another girl because there is also possibility that the girl in the bar with her husband is just an office mate or close friend.
@prinzcy (5082)
• Malaysia
30 Jan 12
I will tell her if I can really confirm he was having an affair behind her back. The thing is, you can't just tell her when they're actually not in relationship but just hang out can only make thing worst. It's best to confirm it before dropping her the news.
• United States
27 Jan 12
i would so she dont find out later on and be hurt because you know about it and she finds out on her own
• Jacksonville, Florida
26 Jan 12
I would tell your friend because if she finds out another way and somehow finds out you knew the whole time she might not be very happy with you. Plus, I wouldn't want my friend to keep getting hurt and being cheated on without knowing. How long will it go on if she never finds out? You know? I would definitely tell her before they get married and he is doing this to her!! I would NOT want to marry someone that was cheating on me even before we got married! I would want to know.
@yanzalong (8928)
• Indonesia
26 Jan 12
I wouldn't. It's their own business. I shouldn't put my nose into it. If I told, It would create a serious problem. So, I've promised myself not tell others' affair because this is warned by our religion.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
26 Jan 12
Yes I would, that is what friends are for. And what is tough about a relationship only the two who are in the middle of it can know. I learned it's not always true what one part says to other friends/family. Mostly they just want to run out of their responsibilities and have fun, be bachelor again. It's normal if there is a baby relationships change and the father is no longer in the centre of all attentions (like so many men are to their wifes but so less women are to their men).
@gaea23 (252)
• Philippines
26 Jan 12
If I were you I will not tell her directly. Let's say, little by little, assuming that you have seen her fiancee but later on when you see that she can carry that hurt then go and help her find it by herself. It's good not to talk much about what you have seen, much better if you will go with her and try to spy so she will be the one to catch her fiancee with someone else. But make sure you are there to help her and guide her, since you are more relax than her.
• Philippines
26 Jan 12
For me it is ok to tell your friend of what you have discover, above all she is the only person who can ask his fiancee.specially in her situation right now that she was so bothered, don't left her hanging clue less at least she would have the option on whether to ask her fiancee regarding that or what.