Breaking up

@dream_ozn (1757)
Singapore
January 26, 2012 11:35pm CST
Hi all, I have over the past few months talked about the relationship with me and my bf. We have been together for the past 5 years already. It is really sad that we HAVE to end our relationship soon. We have not officially ended it yet, but we do know and we can feel that our relationship would not last much longer. This situation has been ongoing for the past 1 year already. We quarrel very frequently and we can't seem to understand each other any longer. It's really saddening for me. We have been contemplating and thinking about whether we should break up. However, the mere thought of breaking up and that i won't be able to see him any more and that we will not have any more happy times just makes me feel vulnerable. Also, memories of our past happiness start flooding my break. What should i do? Have you break up before? How do you handle it? I really appreciate any advise.
1 person likes this
13 responses
@tiina05 (2318)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
hello, You been together for 5 years and you should know each other more. You need to open to each other what was happening to your relationship because communication is really important. I know how hard you are going through but instead of fighting make some space first and think if you can live without him in your life. In 5 years of your life you should be more matured enough to think of this times because this happened to many couples that I know.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (88354)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
It would really be painful if a relationship for 5 years would just end. Try to have a heart to heart talk with you bf. Analyze , what's your fault and what's his. Then compromise on how to solve the differences. Sometimes, it's just a matter of compromise on the couple to be able to maintain a good relationship. But when love is really gone, then it's really to be ended already.
@dream_ozn (1757)
• Singapore
27 Jan 12
Yes, it's really painful. On one hand, I hope that we could just settle our differences and things could be like what it once was. Yet, on the other hand, I just wish that i have to courage to break up with him. we have been trying to iron out our disagreements for the past year and we are starting to realise that no matter what we do, we'll still argue in the end. we would be good for a few days, then the quarreling starts again. I think our love has gone, but then again, i'm still not really sure about it. This is one problem that has been plauging me for a very long time and because of this, i have been very unhappy about it. i really wish for this problem to come to an end.
@SIMPLYD (88354)
• Philippines
30 Jan 12
Sometimes we have to make compromises in our relationships. When one is in a sour mood, the other one should keep his/her cool. Problems can never be solved if both would like to win in the situation. It's just a matter of lowering down one's pride, if one would like to settle an issue.
@soulist (2986)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I agree that sitting down and trying to talk about it is a good idea, but you also said you have been doing that for a year. Think about the things that made you love him in the first place and have him do the same thing. If you cant think of things about each other that you love then yea the relationship should be ended.
@Mashnn (4503)
27 Jan 12
First before the breakup, I would suggest to you to sit down and think about those issues that make you argue. Try and find out ways to work on the issues. If both of you are willing to work out on the problems, then it is better to give the relationship another chance.
@dream_ozn (1757)
• Singapore
27 Jan 12
Thanks mashnn, you are right, we have been together for the past 5 years and both of us definitely deserve another chance and to sit down and to start thinking about us again. Where we would be in the future and try to work out any problems that we have. That is, if i still have the heart with him. This is because start these few months, i don't have much to talk to him anymore. I used to have lots to tell, to tell him about my day etc etc. But now, it just seems like there's nothing more for me to share with him. haz.
@Mashnn (4503)
28 Jan 12
It happens that sometimes you fall apart from each other but you don't just break up, love is full of ups and downs.
@LittleMel (14053)
• Canada
27 Jan 12
it's normal to feel that way you have been together for 5 yrs that's a long time it will take time to recover from it just take your time and don't haste making decision to break up if you are not sure I remember your post if not mistaken I've replied to it before
@dream_ozn (1757)
• Singapore
27 Jan 12
Yes. 5 years is really quite a long period of time. you are right, i should take my time and not haste into making a decision of breaking up until i am absolutely sure. The problem is. This situation has already been with me for the past 1 year and i really don't want to waste any more time. Such a hard decision to make. I do see that you username looks familiar to me. Thanks so much for caring*
1 person likes this
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
30 Mar 12
I also been in a relationship for almost 5 years also but we also decided to end it. We are always together because their village is just on the other side of our village so it is really easy for us to see each other. When we end up our relationship it become really hard for me to move on because i i know it will take a very long time before i can move on but i'm still lucky because when we end our relationship i become much closer to my friends and they always support me. They always invite me to hang out so i even in short time i can forget the hurt feelings inside me.
@salma07 (641)
• India
14 Feb 12
i think you are still in love with your bf...and you should really reconsider your decision. i know its not easy but you can try to make things right. its going to be hard ending a relationship of 5 years. my break-up literally broke my heart, if you have no other way except for ending your relationship, then just make sure you have a strong heart and get on by having a good hobby or something, hobby really helped a lot for me... i started making me busy as much as possible, like i did many things like redecorating my room, to going out a lot with girl friends, that really helped me a lot
@yerfej_t (15)
27 Jan 12
i think what you need is this thing we call a "cool off". maybe the 5 years has exhausted you both being together the whole time. maybe you need to get back to yourself and think of it all over again. when you are alone, that's when you realized how much you need the other. if you two are meant to be, you will be together again.
@eljayo (1107)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
Hi! Once in a long term relationship things like that really happen. I also felt that with my 6 years boyfriend but we were able to surpass it. You just need space. But in other cases where it cannot be resolved, then breaking up is the only choice. Better break up than lose your friendship and hate each other forever.Better to break up if you really feel that you are unhappy. Anyway if love brings you back together than good. Its not an easy decision especially if you are in a long term relationship. I hope you can make a good decision.
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
27 Jan 12
After being in a relationship with someone for that long ending it would be very difficult. I can imagine how hard it is. Especially if you both leave together. Seeing someone everyday and sharing a life together takes a lot. So to end something like that does cause heartache. I think that should really talk with your boyfriend and see what he wants out of the relationship or if he thinks that it should end as well. You have to remember that when you end a relationship like this starting over means starting your life over with someone else. And everyone has faults. So the question that is very important for you to know and him is can you live with each others faults and work on your relationship. Every relationship has it's faults. So breaking up and being with someone else a person has to deal with their new relationships faults as well. I hope things work out for the both of you in whatever decision you make.
• Kenya
27 Jan 12
Breaking up with a loved one, especially one you've been with for 5 years can be painful and scary. I've had my share of breakups and sometimes it is for the better. To lessen the pain and get you used to the idea of being single again, start off by giving each other some space.
@indi15 (883)
• India
27 Jan 12
Well i do not understand why you want to break up when you feel vulnerable even at the thought of breaking up. Rather try to figure out what is going wrong, be a little more understanding and have patience. You can give it a try once if you think the relation is worth it.
@tatzkie23 (773)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
I'm sorry to hear that. I know that it's gonna hurt breaking up with someone. Well, 5 years for me a very long time, you should have know each other well in the past 5 years. But, if you know you cannot continue anymore and if breaking up is the only solution and for the best, then do it. But i still hope that you'll able to work it out and still save your relationship. I know that arguments are just normal in a relationship but if this is not making a healthy relationship then let go of it. I also had some break up too, i was so depressed. But as time passed, i've already forgotten that. And luckily i met my husband. So it's up to you my friend. Try to talk it out, it's both your choice.
• Singapore
27 Jan 12
Hi do you know what's the reasons or causes for all these conflicts? If it's because that the two of you are really different, I mean different attitudes or opinions towards life and relationship, then it really means that the two of you do not match so well. Otherwise, if all the conflicts are due to misunderstanding then all you have to do is to explain to him clearly. So I agree that you should have a heart to heart talk. To discover the causes of conflicts.