How do you react when a member of the family is mean to another member?

United States
February 1, 2012 6:23am CST
How do you respond when this happens and there is no basis for the person to be mean to the other. For example the individual who is being mean is just upset because he or she is dealing with their own issues and lashes out at another person. I get upset when this happens. Each person should deal with their own problems and not take it out on other family members. It could be the case of an teenage sibling yelling at a toddler because the toddler is trying to show him something, or a father lashing out at a baby for crying while he's doing something etc. Whatever the case may be I think each person has to be responsible and act responsible. Not lash out at others when it's no one elses fault what they are dealing with or trying to do. The innocent family member doesn't need to be treated that way.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@tatzkie23 (773)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
In psychology, That terms as DISPLACEMENT- is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind redirects effects from an object felt to be dangerous or unacceptable to an object felt to be safe or acceptable. And what you stated is an example of that. Another example is that if a woman is confronted by her boss. Her boss begins yelling at her in front of other employees. Rather than, confront her boss about the outburst, she returns home and spews at her children. She enters the home in a bad mood. Even though the children had nothing to do the situation, she feels more comfortable expressing her frustration to them. This kind of conduct is not beneficial and can be quite harmful to the children. We humans tend to do that one way or another, I remember when i had a bad day at work or school, and when i got home, i'll yell at the dogs or try to kick them. LOL. or sometimes, when somebody talks to me, i don't answer back or else i will yell at them. LOL. As you said, i think that we should deal with our own problems, and not to let our anger to innocent people.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 12
Thanks so much for sharing in depth was that is. I appreciate it. And you described it perfectly. I too think that it is a good idea for an individual to reflect on their thoughts and feelings before taking their anger out on others. As it is definitely not a healthy thing to do. That is after all why we care and love our family-because of who they are. So when we come home upset we should be mindful of not taking things out on others.
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
Then, I'll be pissed to those who started to be mean. This usually happened to us when my two of my brothers would fought. But, I think what you are referring to in this discussion is that when one person hurts other especially those who are under them. This is a defense mechanism called displacement. One is transferring his hatred instead to those he hate he routed it to those person under him.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Apr 12
Yeah things like that make me angry as well. It isn't kind or considerate to treat others this way. We need to treat others in a nice way. If we want our family and friends to respect us we need to treat them the way they deserved to be treated.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
1 Feb 12
It doesn't happen really in our family (me and the kids). We all are straight and the others know. So you accept is and you are free to give your opinion if you like. I think everybody is listening to the other, but there is no need to agree or follow up the adviceds someone else gives to you. Perhaps the way we communicate or say things straight sounds mean in the ears of someone else? If it would really be mean (also hard to believe since my kids are very social and attentive and mostly people are mean to them) I would jump in between. But only if they are not able to do it themselves. The thing is: you will meet a lot of mean people in your life and you need to find a way to deal with it and defend yourself.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Apr 12
I'm glad that your family get along well. It is definitely a good thing to listen to one another. It is definitely a good thing to be able to defend one's self. And it is important that our children are able to do these things as well.
@louie847 (350)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
This usually happens when people are angry that they direct their anger to those who are defenseless. I could say that people like this have low coping skills in dealing with their problems and tend to blame it to others. They should seek help and should have a strong support system like their families or friends.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Apr 12
I agree. This is sad but so true. Innocent ones are just that. They shouldn't be treated that way. It would be a good idea for them to seek help. It really would be beneficial. It would benefit them and keep them from acting this way towards others.
@prinzcy (5058)
• Malaysia
2 Feb 12
I would be pissed and defend the one that's being harassed, especially if that person is a younger siblings or someone who can't defend themselves and it's not even their fault to begin with. That person might be bigger or stronger but that doesn't I can just watch and do nothing.
• United States
4 Feb 12
I agree with you. It is very necessary to step in and stick up for the innocent person. Family members shouldn't treat one another that way. They wouldn't really lash out at someone else just out of nowhere. So they shouldn't feel that it's ok for them to take out their anger or frustration on family members.
@obe212003 (2302)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
when things like this happen, i usually would step in and try to resolve the issue at hand, although it really is a painstaking task of trying to rectifying things especially as there would be instances of being mistakenly branded as bias or taking sides.. but surely the aggrieved party would be my priority..
• United States
8 Apr 12
Yeah I too step in. It's just not fair to the innocent person that they are being treated this way. Yeah the person/s who are being victimized I would definitely be trying to help them as best I could. Especially when they have done nothing wrong.
@beamer88 (4268)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
It shouldn't actually be done even outside of the family. When we have problems, we shouldn't take it out on anybody, period. If this had happened to a member of my family, I would've intervened immediately before things get really out of hand.
• United States
8 Apr 12
I agree that we shouldn't take our problems out on others. It's just not a kind thing to do. We don't like it when others do that to us. Some people do have bad and hard days but that's no excuse to blame it on others. Especially when they have nothing to do with the situation or our problems.
@wongchoiyee (7352)
• Malaysia
1 Feb 12
Yes its true! I also feel very sad for those innocent family members to be treaten like that.
• United States
8 Apr 12
Yes it can be heartbreaking when we see things like that happening. I know that it makes me really sad. I try to help out and do the best that I can. I think that I do a good job at that. And I'm glad that I have been able to help someone.
@megamatt (14331)
• United States
2 Feb 12
There will be a lack of comfort for sure. There are no disputes that are worse in life than a disputes in between family, when family is rather mean and when people snap at family members. Whether it be children or adults, it is really not something that is really fun and can be potentially problematic, as you sit there, witness to everything. Yeah its not fun. And its bad no matter how the circumstances fall. Family members should in theory get along and be nice to each other. That is the theory to say the least, but it is one that might not be observed as well as we hoped. Much to the disappointment and the depression of many people involved. Family disputes are the ugliest ones of them all.
2 Feb 12
Yeah, it feels bad....i feel very bad when there is a situation like this. I get very upset and i agree that people should deal with their own issues.