February 25, 2012 5:04pm CST
Hi Lotters, I bet most, if not all, of us here had experienced a situation where we totally lost control of our temper, where we bursted out of anger, where we were overwhelmed by feelings of displeasure, distemper, and infuriation and that we sometimes resolve to violence and hurt those someone physically and/or emotionally. I had a similar experience and I totally regretted it. It was a long story but the gist of it is that my friends betrayed and hurt me. I was enraged with the thought that they could do that to me, so I spoke words much hurting than a fist and now our friendships are over. I could have contained my anger then if I knew how to manage my anger, but now it's too late. So now I would like to ask if you also had the same experience and how did you manage your anger and how did you cope up with not wanting to have revenge, so that the next time it would happen to me I would not hurt anyone anymore. Please help me =)
1 person likes this
• San Diego, California
25 Feb 12
I know that when I was younger, I had a problem controling my anger. I would not scream and shout, but I would hold it inside until it boiled. I then took it out on the first person who looked at me wrong. Now, I just keep my cool, and remind myself that there is nothing I can do about how others act. Have a nice day xcOmzx, and welcome to myLot. :)
26 Feb 12
Yeah, I realized that however others act or whatever others think of us is not our business. It's their right to have opinions, right? But I believe those opinions should be just kept to themselves because when they start spreading those opinions then definitely they violate other peoples rights too, right? I'll try to keep my cool too codymac. Thanks alot and have a nice day too. =D
• United States
25 Feb 12
Well it sounds to me that if they betrayed you, you shouldn't worry about not being friends with them, and while you regret the anger you should not regret the loss of friendship. Of course I do not know your situation fully so can not and will not judge. I do think, though, that the best way to get away from anger is to get away from the anger issue. It's the hardest thing to do though, to walk away from what's making you angry, or if you can't walk away to "block" it, but it's possible. I've had anger issues in the past, and I believe many people have. I hope that you can find ways to "block" the anger or get away from the anger in the future. Just remember, breathe in, breathe out and walk away calmly.
26 Feb 12
Yeah, I do agree that I should not worry about not being friends with them anymore. I do believe in second chances but I don't think I can give them that. One betrayal is enough for us to realize if a friend is true to us or not, right? And also, the catch is they didn't even apologize for what they've done. They kept on making up lame excuses instead of accepting their mistake. I am still on the process of learning how to block the anger though. I just can't help that whenever I see their faces the feelings just come rushing in on me again. Thank for the advice I'll be sure to remember those whenever I see them again.
27 Feb 12
I think it depends on what kind of anger you talk. People can't just go on hurting one for years or abusing for years. Sooner or later you have to put this to an end. Only if you set the rules your life will change and improve and you won't attrack abusers anymore plus create space for real, honest people who will respect you and be loyal to you. People can abuse me for many years and they did. I always tried to be kind, understanding and was looking for excuses why they are behaving that way. My behaviour did not help me or reward me. So I changed. I treat people now exactly the way they treat me. I don't feel any regret if I get angry on them (seldom) and delete them out of my life (easily) if they stab my back. I go on with my life since I decided that happiness is a choice. I won't allow anyone to spoil my life anymore.
26 Feb 12
hi xc0mzx! i can totally relate to this except i only burst out at my sister. i know it sounds normal that siblings fight over anything under the sun but in my case it's different. i'm an introvert and my sister is an extrovert which causes us to clash most of the time because i don't like being told and my sister just won't stop blabbing. i tell her to shut up but obviously she won't and through the years that i let her be with her big mouth i resorted to hitting her physically to stop her. i know i'm very violent and i really regret it but i feel like there's this nerve that ticks off whenever she doesn't stop. anyway now what i do to prevent any bruises i stay quiet as usual and walk away, come back after i cool my head off and then talk to her in a serious but more positive manner. i mean not like jokingly but giving the kiss-kick-kiss talk. explain the bad thing about the situation then the good part and then the bad one again. it's hard and it didn't change overnight. i had to really concentrate on calming myself before i even open my mouth. so i hope my suggestion works for you.
26 Feb 12
well it is very difficult to hold up ourselves when are in anger and it feels very bad after that.because at that time you don't know or understand what are you doing or what are you thinking.i am also very angry man and i lost many things just by anger but now i handle my anger by meditation and when i goes in anger then start breathing deeply it helps me lot to get out from anger.
26 Feb 12
Well... i'm not very good at anger management either. i heard about counting numbers in order to calm yourself down. simply exiting the scene as soon as possible might also be a good idea so that you won't do anything reckless. try to think alone, don't be around those people you are currently angry at then think thoroughly about the situation, why you are angry, is it reasonable for you to be angry to these people, is there a way for those you to compromise and fix the problem. tell them how you feel and let them think about how they would feel if they were you.
25 Feb 12
I don't think friends like that deserve for you to dwell on it so much, just let them go, insulted as they may be or not. Personally, I've never had that kind of problem before, so any advice I give you might not be that accurate. However, I know lots of people who like to vent their anger doing things, like hobbies. Some people like getting distracted by cooking or perhaps something that keeps they're hands busy. The easiest way out would be getting yourself a punching bag, that always help.