Parent Stalker

@neildc (17254)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
March 10, 2012 9:34pm CST
Hiya myLotters and friends! I know this could be a not so good role or character of a person. But sometimes, I think this is one thing we should do to get an eye with our children. I did it with my step daughter, with her FB activities. I did it and I am not feeling guilty about it. The only problem I encounter is, me and my wife gets a misunderstanding when I found out some irregular activities of her daughter when I have to talk about it with her. We know a lot of bad things happening all over and FB is not an exception. And even how much I do the efforts of convincing her to get safe, she doesn't listen. Have you been are parent stalker too? ~~ NEILâ„¢~~
5 people like this
16 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
11 Mar 12
Oh yeah, except my son is not old enough for FB, so he is a member of a gaming social site for kids, but even then there is chat and other people, so I am a member there too and have his sign in info to make sure he is following the rules and that he isn't getting messages from suspicious people.. I wouldn't call it stalking, but "caring" and I think what you do is honorable, not many parents take the time to make sure their child is safe online..
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
i hope other people will always thing this way, that what we are doing is caring but not stalking. younger people usually don't care but teens would be offended somehow.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Mar 12
Actually, my son is 9, and though he was okay with my having his info, he still is offended when I saw him on this site and the chat that was on his page..He wasn't chatting, but he could see others, who were not his friends, chatting and some of the language, I don't want my son to see. He had a fit when I said something, and because I have a MySpace and Facebook, I knew this site had to have a way to not see any chat and sure enough, when I signed in, I changed it from "everyone" to "only friends" So now when he sees chatting, it will only be only someone he knows and I am sure he let them know I watch and they will watch what they say...
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
i guess it's only a way of talking to him so he will understand better what you are doing. and 9 is not that stubborn compared to 19.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 12
I don't view this as a parent stalker because it sounds like the parent is doing something wrong. I view this as a concerned parent who wants what they feel is best for a child. It is important to protect children so we all do what we feel it necessary to accomplish that.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
i think you wanted to say is, the child is doing something wrong? and yes, parents who love their children will do the same thing, i guess. and it's better to protect them now than do something when the damage is already done.
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
11 Mar 12
I have not been a parent stalker in a few years now, my stepdaughter is twenty and she is pretty much able to worry for herself. These days I am more likely to be a grandparent stalker on Facebook as I have lots of grandchildren as my friends and I do let them know when they are not being as safe as they should be.
2 people like this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
good to hear that your stepdaughter knows how to get safe and stalking is not needed, i guess. well, i am talking about my own stepdaughter. and she's just so stubborn and not listening with my precautions and that's why i have to stalk her.
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
11 Mar 12
hi there, i know it is the parents' responsibilities to always look after their children. i can understand if they are minors and those who are, even adults but don't even know what they are doing and where they are going in life. my parents are very controlling and NEVER respect my privacy and all that concerns me especially my mother. i hate it so much. i am already 25 but still they would say horrible things to me and all that and.... even get in the way with my relationship with my boyfriend!!! i don't think that is good parenting because for me, i am not doing anything wrong. i am old and this is my life, if they are concerned at least they should talk to me, not yell at me and look for whatever that is that they can take against me. if you talk it out with your wife, i hope she understands you and that you are just concerned about your daughter's welfare.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
i can understand your sentiments, and i am sure you are old enough to take care of yourself. if i am your parent, i know i am not stalking you and will continue to communicate with in words only.
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
12 Mar 12
yeah, this is my first boyfriend and we have been together for almost 8 years now. it is not like i have been dating several boys. thank you for understanding, i feel relieved when there is a parent who hears my side.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
you're welcome.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
11 Mar 12
It's our duty as parents to stalk them specially if they are only minors and not aware of too much activities in Facebook may cause them into trouble. I stalked my 14 year old daughter in her activities in Facebook, I warned her for adding friends she didn't know even she has a common friends. And don't accept invitation to anyone, these days it's very hard to trust anyone even it's your friends. You did the right thing, it is for her sake.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
i just hope they do not get offended. but when they are much older, like 19 or twenty and beyond, they think they already knows everything and don't want to be told of things like this and that. or they are just really stubborn.
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 12
I know your concerns about your daughter. I am a parent too. But I feel that there is a limit in what we can do as a parent to keep our children safe. For example, we can't lock her in a room so that she would not be influenced by bad people out there. As a kid, we can do more for her but when she has grown up to being a teenager, we have to respect her privacy and her rights. There is no use in thinking that we are protecting her and yet we aren't really treating her as a person. I feel that it is only thru communication that we can try to understand each other and let known our concerns.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
and what will be next, when communication is not working? when all they do is nod and say yes, but do to the other way and what they want to do behind? you will just waste your saliva for them for nothing.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Mar 12
hi neildc I had no such problems with my son as we did not have a computer then . but if we had I probably would have been concerned too. Some stuff on FR worries me and I am sure if I had a young daughter I would probably be a bit of a stalker too. My son is almost 53 wow so I have no worries there lol. I remember one young lady my lotter a year or so ago who carried on a chat with a young man and they grew close. then he came to see her, and their first meeting he showed he was a controller and an abuser. She was thoroughly disenchanted but he kept hounding her with phone calls, gifts sent to her, and showing up at her work. her dad made her move back home with them, worried for her, and he finally had to take out a restraining order against the young stalker, finally when the dad'came home and found the young idiot almost choking her he called the police the man was arrested for assault. but the dad had had it and moved her and the whole family to another city.bad things'really can happen on Facebook and on the net.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
that's a sad story there hatley. oh yes, bad things happen to anyone of us anytime so we really have to take extra effort to make sure they are safe.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
11 Mar 12
no I never did with my kids but we didnt have a puter when they were growing up and never followed them when they were out on the town as we always knew where they were if we wanted them we just go to the walmart parking lot and they would be there with all thier friends aroiund
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
that's a good thing Lakota. at least they do understand that it's for their safety.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
12 Mar 12
yup
@tagakolo (46)
• United States
21 Mar 12
Luckily,I'm not there yet.My son is not old enough yet to know how to use FB.He just 15 months old but i am not looking forward to that.Kids nowadays are really smart,they have their own mind and you can tell them what to do though it is for their own good.Well,in your situation it will be to hard specially when your wife misunderstood it.I think the good thing to do is to leave her alone and let her mom handle it to avoid misunderstanding between you and your wife.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
22 Mar 12
i will try to do that. thanks.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
19 Mar 12
Please, please Neil don't put yourself in the wrong here. You are being a good parent and I have to say, your wifey is guilty of neglect. She doesn't seem to care what her daughter is up to. Many kids, no matter how old they are, are not capable of keeping themselves safe. If they cannot, or will not keep themselves safe, who will??? There is no-one else other than their parents. It's the duty of parents.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
21 Mar 12
i know my wife loves and care for her but with her attitude and being so stubborn lately, she just seem not to care or just don't want to think about her so much, besides she said, we have a lot of problems right now and for her, some things are somewhat negligible.
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
12 Mar 12
i am not a parent yet... but i think what you are doing can't be considered as stalking and you are doing the right thing... especially in nowadays world... you just can't trust anybody and young people still need to be protected from those bad people out there... i think you are doing the right thing and you are doing it out of your love to your step daughter... take care and have a nice day...
@bunnybon7 (36481)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 12
i really think thats commendable. its good of you to be concerned with the kids safety. i wish more parents would be like you. it might help cut down on so much abuse of young people! keep it up. kudos. btw, i was the same way even tho we didnt have FB back then.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
thanks bon. yes, that's the only way i can do to make sure they are safe.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
11 Mar 12
I do not face this challenge at this time in my life and I am truly thankful. All three of my children made it through those dangerous years. It is a terrible choice parents must make in the world as it is now. When do you let go? At what point are children on their own? At some point they must go free and you must hold the thought that you have done all you can. The biggest help that parents can be is to make sure that no matter what their children have a safe place with them. My blessings and prayers are with you and your family.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
until they stand on their own feet and start their lives not depending on us, parents i guess should do the same thing as we do. thanks for the prayers and the support as always.
11 Mar 12
Hi Neil, I have no children but sometimes I think it is a good idea to do what yu are doing for her own safety, I know some people thinks its wron but when its comes to children its a right thing to do especially in this day and age. Take care hugs. Tamara
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
oh yes tamara, somehow we should show them how we care even with the smallest thing like this.
@shaggin (36845)
• United States
11 Mar 12
I dont know if I will do this when my kids are that age but I dont think you are wrong necessarily in what you did but I dont know really. I want to be able to let my kids have their privacy but I would want to know that they are safe online. They might think they are being safe but could wind up getting themselves in trouble especially if they talk to strangers online and give them to much personal info or something.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Mar 12
of course we also have to give their privacy but we cannot always look at them. when they go to school or other activities. and even when you have internet at home, they will go out to computer shops if you will restrict them at home.
• India
2 Aug 12
Hello my friend neildc Ji, FB is a dangerous site for teen-agers. All parents should be careful. When our children were growing, such items were not there, even web was missing. So we were lucky. May God bless You and have a great time