How Can You Win The Trust of Someone Again?
By rberon1985
@rberon1985 (5359)
Philippines
April 13, 2012 8:48am CST
Hi mylotters! it's been a long time that I've been out here.Here I am again,sharing my life to you. I just don't know, i just felt comfortable receiving feedback from the members of this site. I just want share that I'm really sad as of this moment of my life. I have a bestfriend. We've known each other for more than a year now. The start of our friendship was really full of happiness. We don't care even though we don't sleep as long as we are together. We also have out of town when we are stress with work. To make the story short, all of a sudden, evertyhing has changed. In a relationship, whether its a couple or just a friendship, we can never avoid problems, quarrels, misunderstanding, miscommunication, etc. It's already part. I admit that I have created a mistake which is common to all of us since we are only human.But I have asked for forgiveness. But it seems I can't bring back the trust that I got before. No matter I do, no matter I say, it seems nothing. Sometimes I have to be numb just to strengthen our friendship. I make some ways to bring back the happy friendship that we had before, but still i am not succeeding to it. Anyone who can give me advice? I don't know why that person has a big effect in my life. Everday is a surviving day for me. After work, I'm really hoping that I can sleep already so I won't think of it anymore. But most of the time, I have sleepless days but is affecting my health. A lot of of co-officemates are telling me that I am loosing my weight every now and then. I just can't tell them how I felt inside. I can't share it to anyone else. No matter how I am being honest,there still no effect. I hope someday, that person will get to read this post and I hope he would know how sincere I am being his bestfriend. I hope someday he would came to realize that his bestfriend is not that bad. There some instances that I offered help and offered something that will benefit both of us but it all turned out to negative. I miss my bestfriend so much. I hope everything will go on its way right way in the near future.
2 people like this
9 responses
@leighz (456)
•
15 Apr 12
What you both need now is space. There's no point in constantly proving to the other person how you regret the thing you did, if he isn't listening. By trying to work things out everyday at this point, he will just get annoyed. Give him time to ponder and miss the time you were togther. As the saying goes, "Time heals all wounds". So don't rush things, just let them fall into place.
@rberon1985 (5359)
• Philippines
23 May 12
I appreciate your advice. Your right, i have to give him space. I have to let him breath freely. I tried working out things, but nothing is happening. it's getting worst from time to time. i'm trying also my best not to be with him and let him do things without my presence, and maybe he will miss things that we've done together.
@superbadx (484)
• Malaysia
13 Apr 12
Well, to win someone trust you must earn it first. The first basic thing is what you already do, by talking to him, asking for forgiveness and such thing that involve talking. Now the second part is to actually do something that makes him know that you're actually care for him, so he would know that you are not just saying the thing that you have said. Finally, keep it just like that. Your friend is a human just like everyone else, we do forgive. But when you did something for more than once, it's hard to forgive.
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
7 May 12
I agree, trust is an element which is hard to get and if you messed up with it a couple of times it is really hard to somehow bring back that trust that the injured heart suffered, it is more like a broken vase - you may bring back the pieces, however, when you look closely you can see the damage clearly.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
14 Apr 12
I am not sure trust can be regained. Forgiveness can be given, but with trust isn't there always that small thought that betrail happened before and it might happen again no matter how strong the present relationship is? The only good thing I can say about this is it's in the past, so now you can look back and see wht lessons you have learned from it, then go on. Blessings, you are who you are meant to be and need the challenges that face you. Remember the choices are always yours, but if you don't make them you are bound to repeat the situations that lead toward the lessons you need to learn. We are all on our own roads.
@kyrararen (601)
• Indonesia
12 Oct 12
well it is hard to gain someone;s trust once you violated it. why don't you get other friend and make it as your next best friend. wait, you can't because you are feeling unsecured that he/she may betray you?
hm, if you don't give someone change that hasn't done anything like that to you, how did you think your friend will do the same?
and you know, keep trying but don't overstress yourself out. it won't do any good to you. your friendship is a part of your life and not the whole world of you. and give your friend some time to think, and don't push things to work out as you had expected, it would turn out bad. may your friend notice that you are not the same person who did that mistake.
@Extourmed (191)
• Bulgaria
13 Apr 12
Well, trust is the foundation for intimate, secure and successful friendship, so whatever you did, you probably make him fell really betrayed and hurt. Trust must be earned and maintained with consistent actions. Rebuilding the trust and felling like your friend is trustworthy and he's never gonna betray you again is really hard for the betrayed person. You know, once your trust has been violated, it's difficult to make it viable in your friendship again.
I've been betrayed by my ex best friend two years ago and I'll never forgive her. Well two years is a lot of time and even if I forgive her, she'll never be my best friend again and definitely I won't trust her again. You're probably feeling very bad, but don't think that your friend doesn't feel the same or even worse. I can tell you from my experience that, even if I never forgive her, I suffer for a year for her betrayal. I couldn't sleep well, eat and concentrate. I've been drinking a lot and depressed. That was the toughest year of my life. I'm pretty sure that you friend's suffering like I had and like you are. That was my story, but don't get me wrong. The fact that I never forgive my ex best friend, doesn't mean that your best friend isn't gonna forgive you. The only think you have to do is never give up. The harder you try to retain his friendship, the bigger is the chance for him to realize that you are truly sorry and that you'll never gonna betrayal him again. I wish you a good luck and I hope you and your best friend work it out. Just don't give up no meter how long it takes. Hope I was helpful.
@rberon1985 (5359)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
I really appreciate your response. And I'm sorry to hear about your bestfriend. I hope you can forgive her already. Maybe she is also experiencing what I am experiencing right now. I understand how you feel. There's always a time for everything. Sometimes I felt giving up already. It is really deppressing loosing someone very special in your life. But I have learn from my mistake. I have to pay for it. Till his hearthaches end. Sometimes I even think of an accident, where I would save his life and and i will brought to the hospital and life in 50/50 and ask again for his forgiveness. I know its never to late for everything. I really hope that everything will be okay.
1 person likes this
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
7 Oct 12
you know what i feel for you.. not in losing a best friend though but in a different scenario.. but there is a common point.. trust.. trust is like a glass once it's broken it can never be back to it's origin.. you can't blame the person.. but the good thing is there is always hope.. don't stop keeping in touch, don't stop befriending her..time comes that all pains will get healed.. if you are really one of the best of friends I'm pretty sure, someday you can regain your friendship. it might no longer be the same friendship you previously had but if you will work on it it will turn into another successful story of renewed friends.. for the meantime, think of positive things. don't dwell too much on it.. and never ever forget yourself.. you take good care of yourself..I've been through a lot of things.. from mountains to rocky road, detours and everything but I knew someone is watching over me.. In times of sorrows I hope you will not forget to bow down your head and asked guidance from Him. He is our strength and in our most darkest hour, He is there to lift us.. What about seeking help form Him.. to enlighten you and your best friend.. to bring back the good relationship you had..you know what a li'l prayer will change everything as long as you believe nothing is impossible.. as they say.."keep the faith and drop the fear".. i did help:)
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
Hi rberon a situation like this reminded me of my two (female friends). They've been best friends for very long period of time and was jst broke down a couple of months ago because of just a guy who newly came to their lives. To make the long story short, the guy was torn between two lovers and the two are best friends. Their friendship broke up that most of our friends wasted.
In your case, you never told what was the reason and the cause of all the problem. As I can see, you did perhaps a heavy offense that your friend can't forgive and forget easily. If I were you don't push yourself too hard for him/her. Be patience instead and show to your friend that you really mean sorry. Wait until when he/she forgives you. Maybe you've done something unforgivable thing that maybe only time can heal.
Good luck my friend...
Mobhomeir here
041412
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
Hi! maybe the pain you have caused is still fresh and he still could not forgive you at the moment, so why don't you give him more time to let it pass and heal first. You have done what you should do already and if his heart is really that cold and unforgiving, then i suggest you move on with your life. Just pray that time will come for your best friend to realize that the good times you shared were still the best times. Time will heal all wounds, they say so i think you have to wait for that time. Take good care of yourself and look for other friends who can be as good as your lost bestfriend, also, learn from your mistake. Good Luck!
@dazzledlady (1618)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
I do consider trust as a very important factor in any relationship. Gaining trust is way easier than winning it back. You two have been good friends and so it would hurt much if the trust was broken. I do not know how you two end up in a very bad situation and its reason. Your friend might consider it very grave to rrefused to forgive you until now. If you want to win his trust again then you must sincerely apologize and express your willingness to make up for it and to start over again. But do not expect it to the way it was before. I do not think will be the same. It is either will make your friendship stronger or you will end up as merely friends and no longer bestfriends. I know it will be sad and losing friends we cared about can be hurtful but we cant force them to like us if they have given up on us . There will be time to hold on and time to let go. Hope everything turns out for the best.
