Emotional Affair--Is It Just as Dangerous as a Phyiscal Affair?

United States
April 17, 2012 12:53pm CST
Some people would argue that an emotional affair is not as dangerous or hurtful as a physical affair. I disagree. Even if you look at physical affairs, they usually stem from the partner not receiving emotional support and/or attention from their partner. When he/she does receive this kind of attention from an outsider, they are likely to engaged and indulge in this attention...and the affair begins. I've known a few people who think that they aren't involved in an emotional affair. I don't think that's true. Any time someone engaged someone's behavior who seeks out behavior that makes them feel better...there something not right with that...especially if you hide it from your significant other. I think that you are playing with fire when you involve yourself in such. To me, I have to put myself in the other person's shoes who does not know what is going on... How would I feel if I knew my mate was going behind my back talking someone who he was involved with in the past? How would I feel if I knew he was using this other person for attention to make themselves better? Even though the other person, in some situations, who isn't the significant other, is in this situation and may not think that they are complicit in it...knowing that the other person has the intention of baiting this person...if it was me, I was stop all communication THEN. I just wouldn't want to do that to another person by satisfying my own selfish reasons for doing this... What do you think? Do you think that an emotional affair is just as dangerous as a physical affair?
3 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
17 Apr 12
What I think is that no matter what kind of relationship it is, or it's no relationship at all, most people are longing or asking for attention one way or the other. I also believe this is always because of a lack of self esteem, not being able to make yourself happy, feeling lost or need the feeling to be accepted or belong to the group. I don't think there is any difference if you ask for attention from a completely stranger you meet in a shop, at school or at the busstation or you ask it from a relative, ex or new friend. As long as you think you are not able to live alone, not able to make/build your own life and happiness, you are not complete unless you have someone to live with or hold your hand you will get into these kind of situations. I can't say if an emotional affair is dangerous or not. It depends on the person, also it can be completely over from one moment to the other if that other person is not needed anymore to "flatter the ego". I also believe it's not selfish to ask for attention if needed, those who don't ask won't get anything. The brutals reign the world. Also the other person can refuse, nobody can force anyone to give attention or start an emotional affair (isn't each relationsship emotional if you share info/parts of your life?). I also strongly believe that it's not up to you or me to decide what is right or wrong and we all are responsible for our own lives. And our first responsibility is to make ourself happy. If we are not happy we are also not able to do the same to others. It might be also a good idea to ask yourself why you neglect your partner, why your partner is not interested in you anymore and turns to someone else. Someone who seems to be more trustworth as you are. So before throwing the first stone ask yourself what your sins are first. Before each reaction there was an action and affairs seldom/rarely just start from one day on the other. In most cases hints, beggings were given for years and years and the one who gave them never got any respons, was neglected, ignored and tried everything possible.
• United States
17 Apr 12
I agree with partially in what you say concerning: Emotional affair depends on if both people are participants. People do long for attention when they are lonely or their self-identity is not fulfilled. People should reevaluate their relationship with someone if they aren't happy. I definitely agree with you that any type of an affair is an affair if both people are participating and to an extent how much they are engaging in their affair. Yes, I certainly believe that the majority of us long for attention, acceptance, and love. However, from my perspective, if you have to get that and hurt other people in the process, it is not cool to me. There are ways that people should seek attention...and there are different types of attention; it just depends on the motivation behind who and why you are seeking that attention for. People should evaluate how they feel in a relationship as a partner and how their partner reciprocates that treat me. As I've become older, I've learned not to cast or throw stones at people--but to understand why they act and react the way that they do. I would like to think that I would not participate in any kind of affair because my definition of being honorable concerning relationships is to tell your partner if it is working or not...and if you both cannot work it out, departing is the way to go. However, going to someone and them deciding to participate in an affair...it is not a good action or behavior. I know that some people don't think about it when they made a not so good choice...however, I lot hurt and pain can be avoided if you do stop and think about how this will affect the person who you are in a relationship with. Yet, most individuals who have any type of an affair...to me, already knew that they are doing wrong...and they continue to engage in the affair because they like the benefits that they are getting. Some of them are too cowardly to go to their current partner and tell them that they want out. You have some folks who want to eat their cake and pie, too.
• Philippines
14 May 12
I agree that emotional affair can be as dangerous as physical affair. If there is no intention, why hide it from your significant other? I have been a victim of this. My ex boyfriend claimed that he wasn't doing something bad, but then I discovered that he has been spending some time with this girl at their office because she broke up with her boyfriend and needs someone to lean on. The fact that my ex lied to me must mean something I would rather not remember anymore to this day.
@ShyBear88 (18618)
• United States
17 Apr 12
I can agree with you. You don't have to physically cheat on your partner to be cheating you can be having and emotional cheating on them by being with someone else that your never ever really with physically. I see flirting as being harmless because we all do but once your cross that flirting line its a whole different ball game.