Kids and Touching
By Nona Morris
@nonersays (3329)
United States
April 28, 2012 10:49pm CST
Why is it that kids seem to APPALLED by being touched?
Now, I'm not talking about being touched inappropriately, or about being touched by strange adults that they dont know an are not comfortable with.
I'm talking about kids being touched by other kids, like in a playground setting.
I ask this because my son is a toucher.
He gets it from us because we are a VERY affectionate family. We give lots of hugs and kisses. We walk by and touch his head for no reason other than his head is there to be touched. We hold hands when we walk together. He's used to it.
Now, we don't know a lot of kids personally. None of our friends have kids our sons age, and trying to get to know other familys in the neighborhood has fallen though repeatedly. But we take him to the parks a lot, and to the mall playgrounds, so he can play with other kids.
And they are always fine playing with him until he touches them.
He'll touch the picture on their shirt with one finger and say the name of the character, or will put his hand on their shoulder or touch their arm or their leg. Then suddenly they don't want to play with him anymore, they'll avoid him like he has the plague.
Has the world become such a horrible place that physical contact is not allowed in any degree? Are parents teaching their kids that any touching of any kind is inappropriate even if its coming from a 2 year old boy?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
29 Apr 12
I find this so sad and I'm disappointed that kids seem like they're being told by (presumably) their parents that playing and having fun is forbidden. I often wondered why I don't see kids "playing out" anymore and now I know why.
It's not your child that is in the wrong (if you can call it that), it's his friends...or, more specifically, the parents of his friends.
It's not your child that is in the wrong (if you can call it that), it's his friends...or, more specifically, the parents of his friends.1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157674)
• United States
30 Apr 12
Kids who have working parents do not get to go out after school because if no one is home it is not safe. Gone are the days when you could let them go to the park or hang out on the block. It is sad, and fearful. You are right, though, people need more touch of the right kinds in their lives.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
Yeah, its funny how so much has changed from just my own childhood. One day a little girl showed up in our yard and asked if she could play in our wading pool. A LIFE LONG friendship grew out of that (in fact she's marrying a cousin of mine next month and I'm DELIGHTED she'll be part of our family now) And we used to run up and down the street to each others houses all the time.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
I think that with the "fear" being put into so many children, and with us not being close to or personally knowing any kids his age, its going to be very hard for my son to meet and make friends.
I hope it gets easier for him as he get a little older and realizes that his touching, even though well meant, makes others uncomfortable.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157674)
• United States
29 Apr 12
I think you have come up with the solution. Parents are not allowing their kids to experience touch. It is all bad. We are a touching family as well. I have a son who is older than you, who lives with me. I am just as likely to touch his head as a little kid. I know there are still families that touch out there. You just have not found them in your neck of the woods. I would suggest church or preschool or kids play dates.
@GardenGerty (157674)
• United States
30 Apr 12
He may be a little young yet for potty training. My kids were pretty easy, but that was a long while ago, and life was simpler then. My granddaughter is turning three and is not completely trained. With my kids they trained pretty early for all but sleeping. I did it in the spring when it was warm and I put them in training pants and let them play outdoors a lot. If they get wet you change them. We used a ring that sat on top of the toilet and they had a step stool to get up with. I told my son when he was three that if we had to wash his sheets every day we would do it, but that I knew he could be dry and not wear diapers anymore for naps. He was three and a half before I was brave enough to try it overnight but it worked. When I worked at Head Start we allowed hugs, but told kids to save their kisses for their moms and dads. If children did not like to be touched we told them to use their words to say so and not to be rude. It is okay for the kids not to want Parker to touch them, it is not okay for them to be mean about it. An adult may need to facilitate in the interaction and teach them how to offer another form of contact, like a High 5. I hope Parker gets ready for preschool.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
He had shown signs of watning to train, until we got him his own potty, then he decided he wanted nothing to do with it.
We don't press the issue.
I think that teaching that hugs are okay, but saving kisses for mommy and daddy is GREAT. That whay they don't think ALL touching is bad.
We've found a different park to go to, one that is more of a neighborhood park than a city park. I hope we can facilitate some friendships there as the people do seem nicer, even if the kids do still seem a little adverse to being touched they didn't avoid him like they did at other parks.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
I have an older brother, about 14 years older than me, who is TWICE as tall as me who will randomly sit in my lap. Touching and being affetionate were just such a common way of life for me growing up its been simple to pass on to my son.
He goes to church with his grandmother, but there are not many kids there his age either. I have a preschool in mind for him, but he has to be potty trained first, and he's not wanting ANYTHING to do with that potty.
1 person likes this
@luanakent (794)
• Brazil
29 Apr 12
it's nice to be affectionate hugging.. but i think people are taking care because
the TV shows many bad things.
Once we told to the children:_ Obey their elders.
today we say :If someone to do something( or to say to you do)that you dont feel
comfortable, you dont!.. and tell the people closest.
Moreover today the parents dont have much time to caress their children ( which isbad).
I understand the parents care but i also recognize that it is a pity.
but...better to prevent than trying to cure.
it's a result of a season with a little love to God's word.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
I feel that in the long run, lack of affetion and physical contact is going to do more harm than good in our future generations.
Its sad that we live in a world where a child has to be taught to fear strangers, but never gets to spend time with anyone they KNOW.
I'm happy that my sons grandmother can watch him while his dad and I are at work so I know he's getting love and hugs and gentle touches all day.
@ShyBear88 (59296)
• Sterling, Virginia
29 Apr 12
We tell my husbands little brothers that are 7 and 8 not to touch our daughter and its not because we are scared of them touching her in places they should. It's because they are rough and they will cling to her. She is only 15 months old and she will run and hide from them when they try to over tougher or get all up in her space. Kids aren't really use to other people they know or don't know their age or older getting to close because little kids don't know what is too much of hug or holding. My daughter she'll give you hug when she is in the mood for it but she has to be comfortable with you of course. There isn't anything wrong with being affection to others even friends but for some people depending on there personality to much of that can kind of scare of them.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
Yeah, I can understand not wanting rough young boys accitenally hurting a younger baby.
My son is only 2 years old though, thats why it struck me as strange that kids seem to HATE when he touches them at all.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59296)
• Sterling, Virginia
30 Apr 12
It doesn't seem strange to me. I've been around a lot of kids over the years and you notice things like that. Mostly its personalities some kids are more wanting not to be touched and others are more willing to be touched. Some times its the age, or the fact that maybe they don't interact with a lot of other kids, some times it might be there parents and how they are with them, and then of course personality.
Today when I took my daughter to her 15 month check up a little girl there that had to be at last 4 maybe 3 if my daughter tried to touch her not in a bad way she isn't rough around other kids maybe adults here and there. But the little girl would push her way or remove her hands from the table. The mother didn't even say anything this little girl refused to share the toys in the office. My daughter doesn't understand but I'm pretty sure that little girl is an only child right now. When my new baby comes in September I'm not going to let my daughter touch the baby with out me or my husband helping her. We use to have a dog till he tried biting my daughter. But from the time she was born we wouldn't let her touch him with out us help her she would have never hurt him she learned really quick how to gently pet him but we always just in case before of her age helped out. We are going to do the same with the new baby till she learns to be gently with him or her.
@TheIzers (680)
•
29 Apr 12
Well at school where I work at (we have pre-school up to middle school), we have rule for children regardless the age that touching is not allowed. young children at pre-school they are allowed to hug their friends with teacher permission. This rule actually to protect young children from being touch by adult or stranger. They just want to make it into children habit.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
30 Apr 12
It saddens me that the world has turned into such a horrible place that we have to ask premission to hug a friend just to protect our children from predators. Makes me want to go back to times long past.
