My boyfriend won't answer my calls...

@Aja103654 (5658)
Philippines
April 30, 2012 10:30am CST
My boyfriend and I don't fight often. And when we do, it doesn't usually take that long. We make up shortly or within a few days. He is at a critical time in his life now being in his final year in college and he is pretty busy. This I understand so I really don't want to be a burden to him. Yesterday, I was a jerk to him. I behaved childishly. I wasn't thinking clearly and I didn't have much energy for our date yesterday. I was not able to prepare that much since he had this last minute plans to take me to the movies. We were to watch the 'Avengers' on 3D. A total waste that we got to the movies only to find out that the tickets were sold out. My boyfriend was acting weird. He wouldn't listen to a thing I was saying, he is somehow cranky which is not usually like him and he is easily annoyed by me. I was a little mad at him too because I was upset he told me I lack fashion and my clothes did not much. After all the effort I put on to make myself comfortable in what I wear. I mean, really, was my clothes that important. I was there for him, I went all the way there to see him and all he could say to me was that I lack fashion sense. That was very annoying. Boys who have girlfriends, never say such stupid words to your love ones, for you would most likely fight. Now my boyfriend is angry with me for reasons I'm not quite sure of. I was complaining about the food we were eating and i told him that we ought to go home instead. That must have struck a nerve, and now i realized i shouldn't have said those words. I wasn't thinking straight and somehow I was really tired that time. Maybe he'll dump me... too bad, 'cause i don't have the guts to dump him really even though I'm angry. But I think this is a very small matter to cause our break up. Any advice please? thanks...
2 people like this
7 responses
@shibham (17022)
• India
1 May 12
I think it is a normal case in a relationship. My fiance sometimes gets disappointed and when i detect her, she smiles and say that yes she is coz... i have done mistake somewhere. I realize and later try not to repeat again. This time of quarrels of love makes the relationship deeper. You need to meet him without fail and tell him that you are sorry for what you did, hope he will forgive you quickly. Have a nice time.
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
thank you, but I'm not the only one who made a mistake. He wasn't listening properly to me either and he didn't plan the date well enough. And he was not in good condition, i could tell he was tired but is doing his best to cover that up.
1 person likes this
@hgwyneth (120)
• Philippines
1 May 12
Hmmm with your story, I think you should be ready. Your bf is just finding fault in you. Don't call him yet. Just wait for him to realize what's the problem really. If he's not answering your call, he hasn't realized what he has done. If you keep on calling him, you're just annoying him still. Make him miss you. He'll call you for sure if you stop calling him.
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@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
LOL, i had that in mind too but i think he was seriously mad. he's not usually the type who finds faults so that is unlikely. it's me who usually looks for faults in the relationships and snaps at him about it when i'm in a bad mood. I stopped calling him since i have confirmed via facebook that he lost his phone. now, I'll give him some time alone to think things through, and the same goes for me. I have found many good things to preoccupy myself with, it really helped me feel that i've accomplished things even though my relationship is hanging on the balance. I believe I'll make it, whatever the outcome might be. And I have a good feeling...somehow. strange....
@hgwyneth (120)
• Philippines
3 May 12
Wow, what a positive attitude. You'll win him back...He'll miss you soon. You're right to shift your mood to something worthwhile than to worry so much about your relationship. Goodluck. Hope he'll contact you soon.
@judelen (428)
• Philippines
1 May 12
Hello! When i read your post, it seems remind me everything to my ex-boyfriend before. Yes, sometimes boys are like that, they just getting mud without a deep reasons. For you my dear, may be your boyfriend has a little problem encountered before you were decided to see a movie. In my opinion, an abrupt decision to decide that you both watch the movie seems a positive sign that he want to relax in order to relieve stress, but depression were worsen when ticket sold out. So that's it... depressed... may be no other reason he can bit you is that you dress that time in which for me is not important. Good for you that you are still with him that time, i mean you did not left him alone. So may be just give time to each other to think deeply for that situations... i think it can be resolved for the day soon.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
He is usually active, happy go lucky guy but that time i can say he was behaving rashly and was barely listening to me. Thank you for pointing out that stress relief thing. He told me before that I was his stress relief. I find it flattering and annoying at the same time. Since i knew that if something goes wrong between us, he's gonna snap and he'll place all his frustrations on me. Must be what he is trying to avoid so he didn't want to talk to me, so as not to cause 'further' damage. The thought of leaving him alone didn't occur to me. Even when he was angry at me, he still walked me all the way to my house(together the both of us so silent) but then he left immediately.
1 person likes this
• India
3 May 12
"Even when he was angry at me, he still walked me all the way to my house(together the both of us so silent) but then he left immediately" - Wow! That shows his love for you... He loves you deeply... Without love, no boy will do this when he is angry. He definitely loves you... cares about you... that's why he came all along to drop you home.. that's so nice to read!! Don't worry... it happens... this is not a problem at all! Cheer up...
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
30 Apr 12
Sorry to hear that everything turned out so bad for you guys on your date. Sometimes stress can really make a date go bad. I would definitely tell him about how you feel about his comments about your fashion. That was unkind and hurtful and you have to let him know that he hurt your feelings after all you did. Tell him you would appreciate it if he didn't say such things and for him to think carefully before he says things. I hope that your relationship doesn't end because of all of that. How long have the two of you been together? Hopefully you two can talk things out and arrange for another date night where things are calmer and more relaxed.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
Yeah, he's a brutally honest and stupid at times, it causes fights between us but it also motivates me to improve. He stunned me when he insulted me and after all the effort into putting make up on. I punched him on the shoulder twice for that tactless comment of his. I don't think this is the end. That's my opinion anyway LOL. But we can't be too sure. We have been together for more than 4 years. 4 years and 4 months actually. That time he seems in a hurry, agitated and he wouldn't stop moving(it made me dizzy). He didn't even listen to me when i explained to him i was hurt by his comment which made me feel real bad so i lost my interest in the date which caused me to behave badly too.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 May 12
I agree with you that if my husband was brutally honest it would cause problems in our relationship. I hope that he shows his love for you and that that will motivate you. If he loves you and shows that he cares for you and respects you then it would give you the encouragement you need to do what he likes. That is a good amount of time you have been together. My husband and I have been married almost five years this November. Hopefully on your next date things will go better.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
1 May 12
Sounds your bf is looking for something to complain about. The reason??? If he doesn't answer your calls text him your relationship is over and go on with your life. I don't think it's a great idea to get dumped by a guy like that, might sound like a relief to you at the moment but fact is (and will be) that the lack of courage, taking care of yourself, defending yourself will have is effect on your self esteem. BTW if you are looking for excuses now what you should have not said you are wrong. He is certainly not doing the same. Men don't have more rights to say or misbehave as women have. A relationship has to be equal, with love and respect. Your bf doesn't have those feelings at all or is not showing them.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
That is a bit negative but I appreciate the response. What you mentioned above is possible too. Believe me, I've been with worse guys before so I know when a man doesn't appreciate me. For now, I don't want to do anything rash without communicating with him first. If we get to talk and things are not well between us and that it will never be, then I'm afraid we would have to break up. But, when all of this is over.... I would spank him real hard in the a$$, that is when he is back to his normal self.
1 person likes this
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 12
What if you both take time for a while? You said that it's a hard time for your boyfriend due to his final year. So if he doesn't answer your calls, at least you send him texts. Not about your situation, but more like "good night, sweet dream" or good morning, have a great day". Don't add things like "miss you" or "love you". One text one day. I think it can help him to cool off and realize that you're still for him.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
I did text him asking him for time to talk with me, at least to clear things up. We haven't communicated since i wrote this discussion. now i completely stopped texting and calling him since he actually lost his phone, so there's no benefit in doing that. Though, thank you for responding.
• India
30 Apr 12
Assuming that he loves you truly and from the bottom of his heart.... Though I'm not experienced in love, I've pretty decent knowledge(couldn't find proper alternative for this word) in understanding and dealing with people. I think you've given the cause for this problem at the beginning of your statement itself. As you said he's in the final year, he must be fully packed with stress, work, tiredness and what not!! So naturally he tends to get irritated or annoyed for even the slightest of the issues. He is full of stress which he can't spit out at college or on his friends. You are the only person on whom he has ultimate rights and hence the only person to whom he can show his feelings. This is very natural. Just sit, relax and think... you'll realize the truth. Though he is busy with his final year works, he wants to spend some valuable time with you. That's why he had called you for a movie. Again, adding to his depression, there were no tickets!! Despite his stress packed situation, he barely found some time to spend with you, and that too in vain!! How do you expect him to react? He found some silly reason to shout at you! If you are not in a similar situation like him, and you are free from such stresses, just accept whatever he does. Don't retaliate suddenly. He will take some time to cool down. Give him that time. Find out some occasion when he is not in a hurry-bury, and can afford to relax and spend some time with you. Then open your heart and talk to him. Don't start from your problem that he's shouting at you. First try to get him out of his stress. Make him comfortable.... Give him some kind, loving and encouraging words... Your talk should be in such a way that after those few valuable minutes, he'll feel very fresh and energetic and is with a will and enthusiasm to face any kind of challenge!! Once he reaches that state, then you can slowly explain your situation, if you think you want to talk about it. I think this is how you should go about... and don't worry, he's not gonna dump you.... He loves you...
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
2 May 12
Thank you so much for that thoughtful response, Jeven. You have a way with words that made me understand the situation better. These days he still has not replied to me, texted me or called me or answered my calls. No communication at all. I was really worried. Though I'm upset that we don't have time to properly talk, I just wanted to know if he was okay. I texted him four times asking for at least a reply, a proper closure on the subject or at least an indication that he will be okay or whatever. Then I logged in to his facebook account, thankfully, he told me about his new username that day and thankfully i remembered though he only mentioned it in a trivial way. There I found a message from his mom telling him to be careful with his mobile phone. Turns out he lost his phone. Most likely sometime after our date or a days after. So there is his reason for not replying or responding. My worries were gone and I think he's doing well since he is still focused at work. Now, I'll just wait until he gets to buy a new phone and call me or text me. maybe even pay him a visit at work LOL
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