My husband doesn't give time for me

May 17, 2012 8:40pm CST
I'm really feeling bad. I'm a housewife and my husband's work is really far from home that's why we only see each other once a week. I'm ok with the set up but inside the office cellhone is not alound. I'm feeling bad that we don't have any communication and it makes me wanna think that he's cheating because if he really loves me and miss me he will try to communicate during breaks and lunch time to check on me.
2 people like this
13 responses
@asdomencil (4273)
• Philippines
18 May 12
Better talk to your husband when he arrived on the weekends. Better ask him why he is not getting any connection with you during the breaks. In my opinion it is too much to require your husband to contact you during lunch breaks just to check on you. But it will be alright to call after office hours. One option, if he is not making any moves in getting connect with you, you must be the one to make the move. Try to contact him not during but after office hours. Not even during lunch breaks. I pressumed that you are just married that's why you are looking for him to check on you frequently.
18 May 12
we are four years married right now and the long distance relationship is going around for 1 year now. It's ok for me if he doesn't contact me during breaks I can handle that but what is worse is when he get overtime for 10 hours. As a wife I'm worried what's happening to him because he did not inform me that he will be working late I cannot contact him because they left all cellphone to their lockers. So I got angry. My point is he can't spare a minute of his time to give me information which I think I have the right to know so that I will not be waiting the whole night for him and thinking what he's doing and where he is. It's making me a paranoid.
@adhyz82 (36262)
• Indonesia
18 May 12
i agree with asdomencil.. maybe rknnedee can do first time, say hello to her husband..it is not sin if a wife say hello to her husband..right??
• Philippines
18 May 12
I got your point rkennedee. Just give him first the benefit of the boudt. Don't think that he is cheating on you. When you think that he is already out of work, try to make the first move by calling him and not waiting for his calls. Also, try to talk to him in person and ask why he is not giving return calls when he saw missed calls from his phone.
@laydee (12812)
• Philippines
18 May 12
"The idle mind is the Devil's workplace." My grandmother used to tell me that when I start worrying, thinking too much and just attracting negative vibes. If he doesn't love you, then he'd just go and leave you altogether and not come home anymore. If he doesn't love you, he wouldn't be working so hard. If he is cheating, then you'd certainly found out sooner or later. I don't really know what is happening in your household and marriage. But know that men in general don't really do what we like them to do. We think of them every minute and miss them - they do too but they'd rather work so that they wouldn't feel too 'emotional'. One suggestion that is good would be to go look for work. Do something that is productive and would give you too many things to do so that you would not be idle. He comes home once a week, that's the best opportunity for you to learn things, do things, make things so that when he sees you you'd be appreciative of your few moments together. I wouldn't be coming home to my partner if every time I see him he's a wreck. I'd like to come home to a beautiful home, a beautiful and contented partner. If you go crying your heart out each time, you'd look older and weary when he comes. Soon, he would start wondering why you don't appreciate his efforts. Go learn something, find productive things to do with your time. Find a job, look for other source of money. Learn to be a housewife better. Socialize with groups and friends to get tips and tricks that could make your house more 'homey'. Learn to keep the budget so that you could afford to go for vacations with him. Just don't sit there paranoid over something that might not be true. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
19 May 12
well said laydee, I miss working, actually I have a work before but I need to stop because our kids are still young and only the nannys are taking care of them but they become ill most of the time that's why I need to sacrifice my job. I just don't think I desreved being ignored waiting for him all the time to come out of the office and not being informed that he will spend 10hours OT. I was awake the whole night.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12812)
• Philippines
19 May 12
Perhaps you need to do a heart-to-heart talk with your significant other. Perhaps he needs to be reminded that you are partners and not subordinates of each other. I do hope that nothing fishy is happening. But I sure hope that you both could find a way for you to be together physically. It's difficult to imagine a husband-wife relationship that is so far away only meeting once a week. Marriage and family is very fragile these days and distance wouldn't make things easier either. You both need to set things and plan things thoroughly, your kids are getting older and you yourselves aren't getting any younger either. What use is money if they fail to see their father and what point is there for being married if husband and wife can't talk? Good luck and I hope and Pray that the Holy Spirit be with you and your family always.
@laydee (12812)
• Philippines
19 May 12
Oh I forgot to notice that you've made my response the best. I am greatly honored and appreciate the gesture completely! Thank you and all the best!
@aerous (13465)
• Philippines
18 May 12
That's really sad friend because communication is important to those people in relationship. If no communication there is a possibility that each of you being cold. I hope you stay stronger and make way to have a constant contact with your husband
19 May 12
what if I become tired of always asking. Sometimes I felt that it's not asking anymore it's begging. It's seems that he is enjoying his time away from us.
@aerous (13465)
• Philippines
19 May 12
Well, It depend on you if you tired of waiting. But be patient of waiting if you really love your husband...
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
18 May 12
Oh, i understand your feeling, however you should be calm down, don't be sad. He maybe too busy and have no time for calling you yet. You can ask him later about it and let see what is his reason.
21 May 12
thanks for understanding. it's really good to know that there are lots of people who care.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
22 May 12
ya, you are not alone..there are many mylotters in here..
@adhyz82 (36262)
• Indonesia
18 May 12
oh My God i think you should be patient with that condition and please avoid your jealous avoid your feeling now that your husband maybe cheat you. why you don`t trust him ??trust him, until you find there are wrong happened with your husband...
19 May 12
I don't trust him because there are already situations that he lied to me telling me that he's not going to other places other that work but facebook is a good help and I can see his photos posted by his officemate enjoying a night out without even telling me.
@adhyz82 (36262)
• Indonesia
30 May 12
so why you did not ask him..why he did not tell the truth if he wants to meet his friend?? maybe he is afraid that you forbide him for meeting with his friend
• Singapore
18 May 12
Hi there... It looks like it's a difficult arrangement. I can understand your concern. Communication is important. There must be other ways you can contact him. Does he use the computer? Maybe you can MSN him on the computer instead of contacting you on the cellphone. It is very hard to believe that companies do not allow the use of cellphones in the office, in this age of technology where the phone is the fastest way to get information. But having said that, I guess you have to make the move by calling him after office hours to ensure everything is okay on the other side. He has no excuse not to pick up the phone then right? Talk to him and I believe you will be able to sense if there is something different about him. Take note of it. Ensure multiple points of communication and contact. It's crucial to the survival of your marriage. And please do not accuse him of infidelity unless you have solid proof. I know it's hard to think positively when you are so far apart. But I do hope everything will be fine and there are opportunities for you guys to stay close. Maybe he can get a job near home instead or you could move near his workplace. All the best!
21 May 12
it's really hard to have a long distance love affair. maybe I'm just not used to it. I will try my best to become an understanding wife to him. but what if I become tried of understanding him?
• Singapore
22 May 12
Sometimes we women do not want to seem to be too naggy as well. But there must be give and take. Do think of a solution to your troubles and get him to agree to some arrangement you are comfortable with.
• India
18 May 12
so glad to hear ur problem... by the way u have to understand his problems too. may he too suffer the same feeling as u felt. try to talk open with him. then u will get a relief.
19 May 12
what do you mean that he is feeling the same problem I don't think so because with his personality if I don't demand for communication before and after office hours he will just let it passes by. Sometimes I feel that he doesn't love me anymore
@chevill (316)
• Philippines
18 May 12
just be a good wife to him. dont think too much especially about cheating. I know how you feel and i do understand you points. but try to start it from you, reach out to him and tell him how you feel not on how is he or what are his faults. I Bbelieve that communication is the best tool for everybody.
19 May 12
I always make a point to make him understand me by talking to him maybe he is just so stubborn. Does someone here experience the same thing too with their husband?
• United States
18 May 12
I sure hope this is not the truth. I don't know how far you are from him,but could you take a trip down to him one day soon? I don't know how you will manage this but if at all possible try. when he gets home make him know just what he has waiting on him..
18 May 12
it's around a 5 hours travel away from home. I want to try your idea but I cannot go inside the company I can only see guards and gates. He is staying in his parents house that's why I know he's not going anywhere after work. although he have some effort to contact be before and after work but it's not enough it's just a simple hi and hello i'm still alive. haha
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
18 May 12
I am sure that is a difficult situation. I hope he is not cheating on you. Maybe he is just being a little self-centered and not giving enough thought to what your end of the arrangement is like. Rather than brooding about the calls that do not happen, make sure that when you do get to talk to him you make it very obvious how much that means to you. Wishing you happier days with more contentment coming soon.
18 May 12
thanks for the advise, i'm just relying on my trust on him. maybe he doesn't just see my point of view because he is busy. I'm just not like him. because when i'm in a relationship I value communication. I cannot know if he is cheating because he is really far. and when he is here during weekends I always got no evidence when I'm tracking my cellphone but knowing him he is a really flirty guy.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
18 May 12
The best will be to talk to your husband, agree on a more healthier agreement which is to join him and close that gap. You are housewife, Ou should have joined him in the first instance, if maybe children were at school, then by year end you shoul have all joined him.
• Philippines
18 May 12
well maam, although communication is the best part of a relationship, you should also consider his work availability. or f you r in doubt just simply approach you husband i a nice manner and why he is not communicating with you. in their watch his actions any non-verbal cues that indicates lying such as no direct contact of eyes when telling his stories. that would be difficult but it can help you.
@lesdoup2 (11)
• Indonesia
18 May 12
i think its better to think posstive... why coz i also doing that.. n what i think is, better to finished my work as fast as i can, so i can go home n meet my wife rather than, using every time i have at break for calling but makes me loose a quality time for family coz it makes my work finish late due to the call n anything i do unimportant in working time