Do frequent problems and misunderstandings mean the relationship is not worth?

Nice nick u've psychoartist :) Thank u for ur kind wishes :)

swapmind, you got it all right. I'm ready to listen to her for any length of time! I've always listened to her and respected her thoughts. I've tried my best to change myself, wherever I was wrong. But the same effort is not coming from the other side, which is the base of all the problems! She says "accept me however I am". Well, I agree. But you can accept if she is fat or short or ugly or whatever. But is it wrong to expect her to change some of her small bad behaviours? Isn't it possible for her? And especially when it is regarding me?

No, she doesn't. But again, it would be wrong to say that. It depends entirely on her mood which keeps swinging like pendulum! You just can't guess when she behaves how! what she wants! Only God knows

Fine. I appreciate the time and thoughts you put in on this for me :) First of all, she has many problems in her life. Her father is ill and due to some problems at his workplace (which was difficult to solve), she and her mom forced him to take voluntary retirement a month ago. This has troubled her mind. And other little problems too. But I don't think any of those is the cause of her behaviour with me. She is ok and happy with all the other friends, enjoying with them. Secondly, she is my classmate and it's not at all difficult to spend time together as our hostels are in the same campus. She doesn't like to spend time alone so much. And I'm always ready to be with her, no matter when she wants me to be. Hence, that is also ruled out as the cause. Her main problem is, she doesn't want to patch up quickly when I do anything wrong and then aplogise. But she expect that I readily agree when she does. If I take a minute longer to patch up, she goes to the angry mode again and doesn't talk for few more days! Many a time, it remains a mystery as to what the real reason is, in spite of my asking million times in million different ways!!!

Have you thought that perhaps she doesn't care for you in the way you would like her to? I would wonder.

Hey lovingangel :) Pleased to read your response. Such a kind and caring response it is.! Yes, I tried repeatedly since morning and finally was successful in patching up. She said sorry. And you know, yesterday when she was going out, she fell from the van she was travelling in and got herself hurt a bit. At that time, she was calling me repeatedly. I had kept my phone in silent and couldn't realise she was calling. Later when I saw, I didn't feel like talking with her. So I didn't call back. She said she wanted me badly at that time, and would've been happy if I had received the call and spoken with her! I felt so bad and stupid of myself. I'm regretting for my childish behaviour of not picking the call.

No, thankfully she was not hurt. And today we had gone to watch a movie. But again, while coming back her mood changed and she was not comfortable :P When someone else bothers her and if the weather is too hot, or whatever may be the reason, she starts screaming at me!!

Hey buddha3, Well now that is really great news you have both been able to patch it up and start over again. Aww she fell from her Van that must have been a very nasty fall for her as well hope it was nothing really bad. Well in spite of your mobile being off what matters is that you are back together again I love stories that turn out well like that. Much happiness to you both and in the future. xxx

Thanks mammots! That's all i need :) And you are the one I share anything related to this first. And you are responding so late here huhuhu Well, why does she swing her mood so often? Any idea?

I got it, mammots.

'm not sure about her mood swings ... its probably her way of putting to test the strength of your love for her.

Right. I will try to communicate with her again, though I've done it many times. Another try may do something good. But could you please make it clear what you mean by "you can't help who you love"?

Great. I'll do that. In fact I've asked her this several times, but maybe I'll have to ask in some other way. Thanks for the suggestion. :)

What I mean by that is, mentally you have to ask yourself why this person is in my life and whether or not it's permanent or temporary? Emotionally it's challenging to decide that objectively. Your mind and your heart often don't see relationships the same way. So, give all you have to discover what your "need" is in this relationship and also discover her "need" and you might find your answer with regards to where this relationship is headed.

You got it right, Kala. She is moody and she knows it very well. And also she is very harsh when she is angry. Moody to such an extent that you can expect her to change completely in just 5 minutes after u spend gr8 time with her, and without a convincing reason!!! Yep, this will soon pass and I am sure I'll get strong and not let this spoil my studies or career. I'll try and balance:) And I'll let you know when I get grip on my studies again :)

Yes sukumar. You have a point. My parents, even at their age, still quarrel. But that doesn't mean their relationship is bad. I'm just hoping ours remain petty quarrels and never grow big.

Yes, I don't want to break up for any reason as I'm very serious about this relationship. This is my first relationship and I want it to be the only one in my life. About the signals, she says clearly whenever she is mad at me or for something else, that I must not talk to her and she will be alright in some time. But I just can't leave her alone when she is hurt or not in good mood. I feel I must be with her.. I don't know, I just can't let her go just like that. But that's what she wants when she is mad at someone. This is one of the many reasons for our quarrels.

Well, if I love her so much and willing to put up with the pain, it's obvious that I've tried knowing what is really bothering her. But she doesn't open up sometimes. She doesn't share with me. Just keeps quiet and looks sad and when I ask, doesn't answer, if I ask repeatedly, gets angry. I'm not at all happy seeing her sad. It irks me. How can I be ignorant towards her sadness? She doesn't understand this. Today she said, she doesn't like to keep telling bad things to me,so she keeps quiet when something is bothering her. Yes, you are right in saying sometimes its good to move on. But I would want to put in my everything to save this relationship. I'll understand her and cope up with her even if she doesn't do the same. I just want us to be happy together. I want to be the reason for her happiness nothing else But somewhere at the corner of my heart that feeling still lingers on, "if she could understand me, if she could feel me, if she could respect me"

But she doesn't say so. Only when she is angry she says all sorts of nonsense. But when she is ok later, she says I must not consider whatever she says in anger and she really didn't mean it. She says she can't let our relationship go!

I second your opinion when it comes to the disrespecting part. I just can't tolerate it, especially when she does it without provocation and without any serious offense from my side! And I've always thought "what after marriage"? Sincerely, I get so scared to just imagine what she might do then and what might be the consequences!

I agree. We must get through anything if we really love. And I will try to convey to her about what I feel regarding her mood swings. Maybe she will understand this time.

Hi dear! Thanks for the comment. I'm happy for you and your husband that you made it through!:) It shows that both of you put in good efforts to make things work and it paid off. Yes, I've told her many times and she agrees that she is a mood swinger. But again, she says most of the times it's because of some behaviour of mine that doesn't go well with her, she gets upset and treats me badly. We've talked over it and I realise I also have to correct myself. As of now, it's fine between us. She quarreled with her parents who were trying to find her a groom themselves. I'm happy:)

I am happy your both going to work on things and I hope you can stay happy. =)

Yes, I've talked with her everytime we had problems. And it's not what you are guessing. She is not feeling rejected because she is my classmate and we are studying together and living in the campus of our university. We see each other daily. It is she who is moody and doesn't want to spend time with me. And sometimes she wants to when it's not possible!!! But that's not the problem. I literally beg her to express what's bothering her, each time when she behaves like this. But she doesn't tell and when she tells it after few days, it turns out to be a silly issue. For instance, we had a problem 2 days ago and finally we got it sorted out. Everything was fine at night. In the morning too, before going to write exam, she spoke with me and she was ok. In the evening, GOD knows what happened. She was again in bad mood and seemed angry with me and didn't even look at me. I asked what happened, and she disgustingly told "nothing" and went away. Now, what on earth can I do!!!!

I agree dear. I've suffered this too much. More than sweet times, we've had bad times together. I'm employed all means to be in peace with her, but it seems she just doesn't like it that way. My mind is just blank now! and can't think anything. Sometimes I feel why was I so serious!! I should've been like other guys and just flirting around with girls.

Yes, I believed in the relationship from the start and I'm willing to put everything into it. But, at the same time, I always believe that every human has a limit to his patience and when it crosses, it's hard to stay on!!

Yes, when BOTH want to make it work. But I'm starting to doubt it now, if BOTH want it. I'm just hoping I'm wrong in this, but I'm compelled to think so.

She was like this even before we entered into a relationship and I was ok with it. I was ready to accept her how she was. And I've not changed on this even now. I stick to it now also. But every human deserves and expects at least some respect, if not love, I believe. She sometimes just disrespects me so much which I can't bear. Yes, as you said, praying for peace of mind is the only thing I can do to balance my life.

That's great and I'm so happy for you. In your case, you were kind and good enough to listen to your boyfriend and also admitted your mistake, and more than anything else, you corrected yourself. This is just so great!!! And this quality of yours has made your relationship success. I understand your husband is also good, but I feel your efforts and kindness has played a major role in sorting out problems between you two. I've always talked openly with her and made her realise many times about her mistakes. I've admitted my mistakes also, whenever i did and made sure I didn't repeat them. But she, with great difficulty, admits her mistakes (only on some occasions). And then just forgets it within minutes and starts all over again. I'm not blaming her, but I don't understand why that determination and genuineness is not there in her to make this work for us!!! HER PROBLEM IS, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT SHE MAKES MISTAKES. Each act of hers shows that she has an attitude "I AM THE BEST" and "I AM RIGHT". Well.......!!