I need some advice...

United States
June 3, 2012 6:27am CST
Hello MyLotters, Here is my story...My question is below. I grew up without my mother....And then, at age 12, I grew to love someone else as "my mother." But then, my father decided, (She decided for him) to marry a different woman whom soon became my worst enemy. The woman who I refered to as "my mother" was somewhat friends with this evil stepmother and my father. Whom which, also dated my father the year before he married. I quickly became a "difficult teen" to deal with and Mrs. Evil wanted me gone, out of the house. While "my mother's" partner became jealous of me and did not want us to communicate any longer. So, so many questions went unanswered. It hurt...DEEPLY....I felt empty and misunderstood. The person I had finally come out to. The person I had respected, loved and looked up to was now disposing of me just as everyone else had done. I was a difficult teen because I was emotionally confused and left to bleed. I was difficult because I was unloved and ignored...and most of the time, torn to shreds behind my back, by other's negative bashing. Yes, I was different, but not so much. I was just me...very brave and beyond my years. I lost her. I lost "my mother." Still, years later, I miss her...and it still hurts. I am a mother. A VERY, VERY LOVING MOTHER! My kids are my life. They always come first and always will. Question: How and why do some people let go of, block out and forget the people in their lives who really love them and need them? Better question: Would you ever give up on your kids? Would you ever block them out? I still, to this day, ask why... Thanks for taking time to read! Please respond..I need your advice!
2 people like this
6 responses
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
4 Jun 12
Oh that's just sad. I couldn't imagine people leaving their kids or those who obviously opens up to them because of their personal needs. I guess not everyone is made to be a mother. I could remember the situation of my partner with your story. He was very close with his mom and when the relationship of his parents went rocky, his mom felt that she needed to go. She went away leaving him behind and he cried for several days facing the door because his mom left. It was devastating for him. Soon he because a problem child too. He just didn't get why people needed to do this to him, he didn't understand and thought that he was the reason why his mom left. After several years, he finally set these things aside but was left to hurt again when he saw his cousins. Those cousins of his were taken cared by his mom. They loved her to bits and she loved them back, he couldn't understand why she had to take care of the cousins and never bother to visit him? and every single time she'd call, it was just to ask about his dad and how imperfect their lives were. To this day, he cannot forget his past. He often told me that mothers should be mothers else, women should not have kids if they can't take care of them! I still don't have kids but I am glad my mother figure (my mom) is the best mom. She isn't only the best mom but also the best wife. She is literally there for us and her love for us is unending and we love her for that. When my partner saw my mom and how she was preparing food and taking care of my dad and us, he always tells me to love my mom because she's priceless. I think you should let go of the people who hurt you. I think instead of wondering and hurting every single time you think about them, you should promise never to do that to your kids. I always tell my partner that the past is there to help us appreciate our present and do our best to make the future better. You both may have not gone through a good childhood, but now is your chance to make things better and happier not just for your kids but for you yourselves as well. Take care mom, and I pray that you will have the patience and the strength, and remember, you are the best mom your kids would ever need. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
• United States
5 Jun 12
I agree with you there! Not every woman is made to be a mother. It takes more than just giving birth to be a wonderful parent. Kids needs love and guidence. I am so truly sorry to hear about the pain your partner went through. It's very hard to accept at times, but we grow stronger as adults from the suffering and neglect we had to endure. Kids act out when something is wrong. That is when parents need to spend more time with their kids to try and understand what it is that is hurting them. I also think it's great that your partner is able to witness just how wonderful your mother is. I bet it gives him hope to carry on and see that there are amazing mothers out there! I hope he can become just as close with your mom as you are. That would be very sweet! I have let go of the toxic people in my life. I agree with you there. It took some time but I realize now that you do not have to surround yourself with toxic people, even if they are your family. I don't want them around my kids. I want peace and happiness. Thanks for sharing!
• Venezuela
4 Jun 12
if you want hug with everyone in this world , you should warm yourself first , you used to your real mother's emotion ,so don't know how to deal with your stepmother's feeling , you want see the shadow on other person , that's not easy . habits make people have a sense of security , at the same time , make you feel loneliness. And you will never know , what your habits will make you miss in your life . www.dress-wholesale.com
• United States
4 Jun 12
Aww what sweet words you choose to write. Yet, I wouldn't need or want to hug more than just a handful of people. My love is rare and takes time to trust others enough to love them and be loved by them if that makes since. I am warm...my heart is warm and happy. My kids are the reasons for all the wonderful things I feel. Wow, you made a great point about how habits can hold someone from their dreams/goals or as how I understood. I don't have many habits, as these are just my emotions and feelings. I do agree with your kind words. Thank you!
@mercvict (127)
• India
4 Jun 12
First of all, no one can replace a mother's position. A mother is a mother. But at times, I wonder even a stepmother is also a mother, then how come she can behave indifferently? I have a 2 year old son and he is my life now. I am so possessive of him and I love him with all my heart.
• United States
4 Jun 12
I feel that different people can come into your life at any time and fill the gaps. I also feel that it doesn't take blood relitaves to form a real family. I feel that my family members are the ones who love me and accept me. My friends are better family than my own real family if that makes since. I wouldn't know about the mother part. A mother is a mother, yes, depending on how that mother treats and watches out for her children. I feel it takes much more to be a mother then just giving birth to a child. Many women can accomplish that. It takes a real woman to stand by her kids and help them through their journies with an endless amount of love and support. Thank you so much for your insight on this topic. You sound like a wonderful mother to your little boy. God bless and have a wonderful day!
@srjac0902 (1170)
• Italy
3 Jun 12
It is so nice for the attitude you have for your children. There are some like who with so many hurts and wounds at their childhood or teenage stage, then when they become adults they do take revange even on thier own kids or childre. It is really beautiful how you try to fill up your wounds by making your children happy and not inflicting in them the injections. Yes children are defenseless when they are small. But try to forgive those who hurt you. They you shall enjoy to the maximum. What you did not get from your parents you mey be rewarded by your children's acknowledgement.
• United States
4 Jun 12
Thank you for your kind words. I think just taking the time to put these feelings out there was a way for me to release the stress. Talking about such issues has always helped me cope or get rid of the negative feelings. You are right, my kids help me reach the highest levels on my happy meter every day! They are my strength. I am so very blessed. Thank you.
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Jun 12
First, I am sorry you had to go through so much pain, thats awful. I do not understand how any mother, foster mother, stepmother or any other kind of mother could do that. I have always wanted to be a foster mother, my whole life because I love children and I love helping. I would be an amazing foster parent. But I chose not to because I could not raise and take care of the kids and have them taken away at any point. That would break my heart! I am a mother to my three children and nothing could ever separate us. They are my world. I could never in a million years just walk away. This is why I have such a hard time understanding how some mothers walk away, hurt or even kill their own babies who they brought into this world. Blows my mind. I have no idea the kind of hurt you feel, I am sure its a lot. I just think you should keep beong a great mother to your children and keep cherishing each moment with them. I think its therapy in itself for you to be a better mother than what you had. I hope one day your heart heals.
• United States
3 Jun 12
People who have the passion to become foster parents are God sent! There are so many neglected children out there that dream and hope for a family of their own. I applaud you for all the love you have in your heart for those children! I also do not understand how a mother or any parent could ever hurt or mistreat their children. It sicknes me and saddens me. All those sweet little hearts out their that just starve for love, guidance and acceptance. There are many women who cannot concieve and would go to the ends of the earth to take those sweet little kiddos home and give them more love than they could ever dream of. Thanks for your input! My heart has healed. I am doing great! It still hurts and probably always will, but I have all the pieces back...Thanks to my kids and friends, My heart is mended. Thank you for that comment! Have a wonderful evening!
• Philippines
3 Jun 12
Maybe because each of us has a very different sense of responsibility. Maybe it is not about love anymore. As a young mother I still do not know how much I could do for my kid if ever I need to sacrifice more in my life. But nonetheless, I know that I love my kid so much that I can do anything just to see her happy. We could find many reasons to love someone but could also find a thousand more reasons to leave that person. Sometimes, love can also be a reason to leave a person. But in your case, did you ever ask her why she just suddenly let go of you? If she was friends with your stepmom and dad, it could be that she deemed it right to give them respect in upbringing you. And bless you for being a good mom despite your sad childhood. Hoping that in the future you would find it in your heart to forgive them and move on with your new happy life.
• United States
3 Jun 12
Thank you for your advice! I have grown to accept that she chose to shut me out. I have also learned to deal with it better. I understand in some ways, and others, I am still that hurt young teenager starving for her mother's attention. I believe why I brought this topic to discussion today is because today is a very special and emotional day...It is "My Mother's" birthday. It hit me when I woke up. I guess I just miss her a little too much sometimes you know? I have also learned to move on. I really have. But at times, I still feel the pain. She was an amazing role model. I know that I have become that special and powerful to my own children. So for that, I feel blessed! I think it's wonderful that you say, " I love my kid so much that I can do anything just to see her happy." You seem like a very dedicated mother. We chose to bring our children into this world. Life is hard at times. Still, we fight throught the hard times to create the happy ones. Thanks again!