Jealousy ... and friends
By laydee
@laydee (12798)
Philippines
June 11, 2012 4:18am CST
I have a friend in my workplace. She is nice and bluntly forward about her thoughts. She has gotten a lot of problems with this attitude (she confessed that she almost always has a problem with people even when she's younger or at school dorms because of this) and currently she also has problems with our other co-workers but has remained civil with her dealings with them and vice versa.
Anyhow, I know for a fact that her attitude is there but I thought that it would be best to just avoid much drama and get on with our work and our lives. We all could be adult professionals - this is what I always thought. However, these past couple of months, I have slowly seen why she couldn't simply work well with others.
I am not a full time worker in that company and I do understand that there are 'benefits' that I am not included with. However, my superiors have always managed to make me feel that I do belong. She does too. However, there are times when I could sense that she's jealous (or perhaps I'm just mistaken). At one point in time, I was invited by our superiors for a General Meeting. I know for a fact that part-time people don't regularly attend these things, but I just thought that since I didn't have anything to do, why not?
When I came there, she was surprised and told me (with other people) several times that I did not need to be there because it was for full time people. She also indicated to a lot of people when they asked why I wasn't wearing the team shirt, that I was part time that's why I was not included in the free shirt.
I just ignored most and didn't let it sink in my head. But one particular comment really made me think otherwise. I was checking my 'job list' that time and she was asking how many I got. Then she reacted negatively and said that I had a lot for someone who was part time. She even went to the point of telling me that she'll have it checked with our superiors because maybe they made a mistake.
To me, I felt that it was 'jealousy' that made her do these things. I don't know if it's just being tackless but I don't think people should be blunt that way. I am in no mood to open some drama but I just felt that there was really something wrong in the picture.
If you were me (confrontation is not an option). How do you manage this 'friend'? The last person who told her that she was 'envious' is no longer her friend and they are bickering. I don't want to do that because her workstation is beside mine.
So, what do you think?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Jun 12
Sounds like jealousy to me. People in the work place really have a way of having this very black and white mentality about what they feel is write in the job and what is not. If they feel one person gets more than they do they are quick to speak up. If it were me I think I might be more careful around her. I wouldn't share things about the job with her. Her negative reaction would tell me she is just a co-worker and I would not feel she was a friend. I would definitely be watching my back an would not share or be overly friendly with her.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
Yeah, I am actually more careful around her now. I have seen the way that she does things and reacts, thus, making me think that she's just trying to squeeze some skills from me. I guess competitors are truly more difficult if they're close to you.
Sad thing is, I have no intention on competing against her.
Thanks for the response! Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jun 12
Hopefully you can show her her place in a nice way and won't have any more dealings with her. Some people are just so competitive they have to push, push, push. Happy Mylotting to you as well.
@GajaGamini (1065)
• India
11 Jun 12
we are human being and and that is why we have emotions and jealousy is one of them, it starts from our childhood when we feel jealous because of others toys, when we get into teenage we jealous because of others girlfriend and boyfriend.
as you are talking about your office friend, I think it is obvious he/she would feel jealous because if someone else what he or she deserves or he/she thinks thinks they deserve what other getting.
you should some things like : -
1- try to get the reasons of her/his jealousy : -
it would be easy to solve the situation/problem, if we know the reasons.it is just like treating any illness if we know the reason then we can easily overcome it.
2 - Clarify and judge who is need to understand :-
if that person is your good friend then you can have a conversation with him/her and try to vanish the misunderstanding someone had made up mistakenly.
in your situation, if that person is your friend, then you can make him/her understand that though you are full time and you are part time you deserve the same treatment and tell him/her the reasons.
make him/her understand that if you are getting same or special treatment that does not mean you do not deserve it or he/she lacks in it.
keep other things in mind like - be frank, do not talk about those things which make them angry, jealous and annoying, try to be friendly as possible, do not trust anything about them without any proof, do not try to be superior on them etc.
@GajaGamini (1065)
• India
14 Jun 12
we are human beings and we all wants to be praised and loved and if someone is getting it we may feel jealous about it. but some people are wise and understand that it is not possible to have whatever we desire or want and if we make hurdles and feel jealous then we are going to get it.
yes, understanding the problem is step in solving problem, you should understand the problem and take steps to solve it with keeping circumstances in mind.
I think avoiding these kind of person is best way because we cannot change these kind of person over night or in few days because it is not physical problem it is mentality and we cannot change anyone's nature easily.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
sounds like someone who is insecure. there are really people like her in every company. they feel like they need to do that and yes jealousy it is they do not want anyone to be ahead than they are...these people do not know how to be satisfied i believe.
just ignore it, i have met these kind of people as well and all i do is pretty much ignore them as if it i would go insane lol..
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
Yeah, I do try to ignore. Actually, I just keep quiet whenever she has these 'jealousy' times. I'm just glad that these days I no longer get to 'hang out' as much because I'm going to be coming in earlier and finishing earlier as well.
Thanks for the thoughts! Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@Rasniki09 (183)
•
11 Jun 12
She sounds like someone that is not sure of herself and where she stands at her job. Why would she be jealous of you when she works full-time and you work part? maybe she knows that you produce quality work and is afraid that you might past her up so she acts petty.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
That's one point I have considered. Though, I have always told her that I didn't have any intention of going full-time with this job (the pay isn't nor the benefits aren't very attractive). Perhaps she sees something in the way I do things that make her feel that I'm trying to surpass her. Tsk tsk..
Thanks for the response! Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@knowledgehub (202)
• India
11 Jun 12
i start ignoring her,dont say anything but try to express her their disquality through bodylanguage she should understand no one is incomplete without her.
1 person likes this
@PoppaDave (438)
• United States
16 Jun 12
I would have to agree 100% with this comment, She is crass it sounds and blunt because she is JEALOUS that she is not the ONLY ONE working there. Maybe she hates herself or is a criminal and hides behind a tough skin.Maybe shes just a hater.
@caenear (28)
• Poland
11 Jun 12
Well, it seems that she is very insecure about herself and her job, I think she kinda sees everyone as enemy in some weird way. I think is difficult to act around her when she's mean towards you. She thinks that she's not appreciated enough. If I were you I'd act nicely towards her, as you don't want to start a fights or anything, you could talk about 'some friend of yours' while extract some of her faults in a day light telling her 'I don't like that she's acting that way, what you think?' maybe she's not quite aware that she is acting that way, maybe she just need it to be pointed to her by someone else, and as you don't want to confront her you would like to do it in a 'light' way. It can be aslo possibe that she is aware of her acts and she is just that way always, in that point better is to ignore her and act nicely when she talks to you, if you're not too concerned about her friendship towards you and you just want to keep your acquaintance on stable level I personaly think it would be enough.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
I think if she's aware of it, she doesn't think that it's being mean, but rather thinks that she's just blunt. I guess her thinking that she's blunt rather than mean makes her feel that she's ahead than everyone else.
She keeps on telling me that she graduated from a well-known University. I don't know why that always comes in our conversations, I guess she just wants to prove that she's smarter(?) than me?
Thanks for the response! Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
13 Jun 12
There are just some individuals that despite their best efforts, that are really not going to do all that well working with others. There are just many times where people can't help but wonder why someone else has achieved something. Thus they are going to really lead to a point of jealousy a lot of the time. And it can lead to a blow up at the worst possible times.
With these people, the best thing that we can do is be kind and be cordial and really just try and get along with these people. Of course with some people, they are going to get jealous at the most foolish and problematic things. There are just times where it is really awful when they are going to just lead to those jealous feelings. It is not something that we enjoy dealing with but it is something that happens.
@averygirl72 (37726)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
As for me, I can relate to your discussion. It was later that I realized that there are people who are naturally jealous people. After a while you will noticed that in their words, their body language, how they treat you, how they react towards your success, and how at times they seem to sabotage you for no apparent reason, you know you are not doing anything bad at them.
Watch out for signs of jealous people. Don't be angry with them they are real and they are just being true. Realize that they are only jealous. When they are around don't act proud or confident, stay low profile and humble since that is the only thing that can pacify them.
@Austina (92)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
It happened to me, too. I just did my job. But as days go by, I cannot take it anymore. I resigned on the company. But I am not suggesting you to do what I just did. It was my first job after graduating. As I apply to other companies, I realized that I should have not acted that way. Its normal in a workplace. There are really some people who felt jealous.
Just be professional. Ignore her. You are not there for her, you are there to work professionally.
