Issues with my boyfriend going out with his friends....
By ilyheart
@ilyheart (3)
United States
August 21, 2012 2:56am CST
He goes out drinking with his friends every Friday and never invites me! His friends always bring the girls they are dating. It makes me feel left out and uncared for espeically when I'm having a bad day. Like, on Saturday night I had went out with my friends and my daughter was trying to get ahold of me and I freaked out not being able to be there for her at the time. He was home already and I had called him telling him I wasn't ok and needed to talk. Then, I had called again to see if I could go over to his house and he was already out with his friemds again. It really upset me that he wasn't there for me. Most weekends I don't get to see him until Sunday. There was a point where he went out everyday for like a whole week! I always invite him when I go out and he only comes when his friends aren't doing anything. It's like his friends are more of a priority. I tried asking him how he feels about me and he doesn't come up with much. I really want this relationship to work because all my relationships fail miserably. I don't know if I'm being a baby about things. We do hang out a lot during the week or if I should say something?
5 people like this
26 responses
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
21 Aug 12
Forgive me for saying this, but wanting a relationship to work just because your past relationships failed isnt a good reason to stay and work out your relationship with your current bf. you can't just let someone treat you poorly and be second choice if his schedules for a good time didn't work out. If he's not treating you well now, and you let yourself be treated like that, how else can you expect this relationship to be any different than any of your past ones?
You can do so much better, because I can see that you have your priorities right, except that you tend to think a bit poorly of yourself. Don't sell yourself short, it might take some time but I'm sure that once you start loving yourself and not letting anyone else walk over you like that, you will find a guy worthy of you and your love.
2 people like this
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
21 Aug 12
Hmm, well we can't tell you what to do but it it were me I'd be telling him goodbye. I'd rather be single than be with a man that didn't have any decency or respect for me because basically that's what he's suggesting with his behaviour. Sounds to me he couldn't care less about you the way you are describing it. Time to move on 
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Aug 12
You are not happy. You should tell him how you feel.I think having a guys night out is good but you two should also have date night! And you should have girl's night out. But.. if he won't talk or make the effort to spend time with you, that isn't good sign. You deserve a guy who Want to be with you about 90% of the time. You know he has to work , that is one 5%. and he needs some time with his friends , that is the other 5%. So talk to him and see how it goes.Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
22 Aug 12
I think you need to talk about something that maybe create doubt in your part. Listen to his explanation before making any conclusion and resolve the issue smoothly. Ask him what is the problem.
If he said that is you. Better to ask for understanding about anything that you've done. Learn what aspect in your life need to change. Why he misunderstood you in such case...
1 person likes this
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
21 Aug 12
I experienced the same problem as you...exactly the same. when I went out with my friends I would always invite him while the opposite didn't apply. what I suggest you...stop inviting him..and stop arguing him about not asking you out . try to go out with your firends and have fun. you're not going to resove anything if you fight all the time. I used to be upset all the time and stay in the house and cry over the fact that he wouldn;t ask me too if I wanted to go out when his friends would bring their girlfriend. and where did this bring me...nowhere..we broke up in the end. and I thank God it happened
2 people like this
@else22 (4317)
• India
23 Aug 12
First of all,welcome to Mylot.Now let us come to the main point.Why do you have a boyfriend who never takes you with him and talks nasty about you among his friends? I think,it is high time you decided to tell him frankly how you feel when he does so.MY wife had a boyfriend when she was unmarried.Although the boy was a little arrogant,but he loved my wife.They had physical relations as well.She still remembers him frequently and is now asking me to invite him once on dinner.Good relations and sweet memories remain with you for ever.If your boyfriend does not care you,why have you got stuck with him.Warn him once and if he does not mend his ways,dump him and look for another.
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
22 Aug 12
Well I do feel that every couple needs their time apart but I can understand where this is upsetting for you, especially when his friends are bringing their partners out with them it makes you wonder why you're not being included. I don't think you're overreacting and I do think you should say something, if you've never mentioned it he may not even know this is bothering you.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
21 Aug 12
Okay, if his friends are bringing their girlfriends with them, then he can bring you with him as well and you need to tell him that. If he just needs some alone time, then he needs to tell you that. If there is something else going on, then you all need to address it before it becomes a more serious situation.
How long have you two been together? How long has this been going on? Do the two of you live together?
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
22 Aug 12
On the one hand, it is strange that he doesn't invite you to join him when his friends all bring dates.
On the other hand, if you two see a lot of each other during the week and it is only two nights a week that you don't see each other, it is possible that he just doesn't understand why you are bothered.
If it bothers you, can you find a neutral time to say something to him? Sometimes it's easiest if you're direct.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13106)
• Portugal
21 Aug 12
you should tell him how you feel. if you are sad bcs he always gives priority to his friends you should say it. i want to tell you something. if his friends take their gfs with them why your bf dont take you too? it doesnt make any sense. sorry for telling you this. but its strange. for example if it was just boys going out together its understandable that you wouldnt be invited. but if his friends always invite their gfs to go why your bf is the only one not inviting you? you should tell him how this makes you feel.
1 person likes this
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
21 Aug 12
just try to sort out by discussing and narrating these things to him and he will understand about you being mature and control him
@enjoythejourney (524)
• United States
21 Aug 12
From someone who has been through this. I suggest you tell him. Have fun and let him go. You can't control him and by complaining you only make things worse.
Secondly, start building a life of your own, be the independent woman, not depending on him for your social life. By doing this you come from a position of strength and power, not from weak and needy.
Let him see that you do not need him and it put a whole new perspective on his attitude and yours.
Just my 2 cents.
@trishslim (11)
• Jamaica
21 Aug 12
some men use this saying to explain why they don't take there ladies out with them when there hanging "with the boys". i don't take sand to the beach- that means they don't want to take there girl friend with them to cause any problems. problems like jealousy. i am not saying that you would cause problems or that your a jealous person.
i think you should let him know that you don't like the idea of being left out of his activities and that he spends so much time with them.
what you can do is ask him to alternate is Saturdays, meaning you ask him for example: he hangs out this Saturday with his friends next Saturday his yours. if that doesn't work make the best of the Sundays you have together and make sure he understands that you are unhappy with the way things are going. in regards to him not saying much about how he feels about you, it could be that he isn't sure about how he feels or never really gave it much thought. ask him again how he feels and then give him some time before you ask again.
@berting600 (3453)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
You must tell your boyfriend to stop his vices,if he still loves you.Make him feel that he is more important than your life,and make him tell you how important you are with your relationship.Then let him choose between you and his friends and this way you could know if he really loves you.Do not be a martyr and just always be giving him his own style without you in his side.By this way, you could be become more vigilant and that you can move on when he says that he likes his friends more than you in his side.Come om girl fight back to have another boyfriend there are many men out there waiting for your love and care.
1 person likes this
@namiya (1713)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
Hi ilyheart! my honest opinion is i think it would be better if you reconsider circumstances you're having now in this relationship. Relationship should be a two way traffic to work effectively with both of you directing it from both directions for it to flow smoothly. If only one is exerting effort then you need to think twice. talk to him upfront of how you feel and get his side of the issue. Hope things would turn out better for you. God bless.
1 person likes this
@tessa9 (1085)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
The best thing for you to do is to talk about him about it. Tell him that it bothers you when he does not ask you out with his friends. Ask him what his priorities are. I know that it will probably be hard to ask him about it, especially finding the right time to ask but it's going to be worth it. I had a boyfriend before who was similar in the sense that he does not know how to budget his time.
1 person likes this
@comment_please (338)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
He is your boyfriend...not your husband. uummhh.
If he is your husband, you should one night prepare a wonderful meal and make yourself pretty but decent. then you dine with him. have a nice meal---happy and full! Then you talk to him when you are both on bed...ask him...tell me about your boys night out. And let your conversation continue. Make sure it is friendly.
Then before going to bed, ask him to pray with you. Everyday, let him know, you love him. Pray for him always.
If he is your boyfriend.....start email him your GOODBYE memo on your relationship.
@bdfreelancer (518)
•
21 Aug 12
As you have mentioned you really want this relationship to work, I should say do not argue with him about not inviting you. Make yourself more agreeable to him. Since he spends more time with his friends it will be wise of you to make him focus more on you by being more caring and interested in him. Trust me arguing does not help.
1 person likes this
@favouredmost (256)
• Kenya
21 Aug 12
There is a very wise saying that we want what we do not have. You are too available for him and that is why he is taking you for granted. Please try this out, get some activities to occupy your self with and don't call him no matter what until he gives you a call no matter how much it kills you , keep your distance and please tell me how it turns out. This is guaranteed to work!
