Are you careful not to hurt feelings of people?

Great addition to the discussion friend. I think that everybody here will agree that we do not have any right to critisize other person's remarks or work. However, if we are asked for our comments, what should we do? We have to give our comments in many cases and we know that the same would hurt others. In this case we are not careful not to hurt the feelings of the people. Again friend, if we feel that our comments though bitter will help a person then what is the harm in saying the same thing...? But still if you are little more considerate, you will find that your comments may hurt a person. In such situation if you can find out some other way to convey your feelings or suggestions in a much better and polished way, it would help the other person and would not hurt him at the same time...! Nice to have your views here...!

It is good to be considerate of other's feelings, but whatever you do or say, don't lie to them. If asked, try to tactfully tell the truth.

Yes, I think that you are right in this matter. We cannot afford to hurt the feelings of big person in our society. I think that it is not only the big person but also the small people whose feelings should not be hurt by us. Just think about your ownself, if you are hurt by others how you will feel and you will never like to hurt others irrespective of a person being big or small. Thanks for your response...! Have a nice time friend...!

Ok dear we both have the same frequency of thinking , and about the respect this is not the physical thing , but it is an immotion that shows our integrity towards the person...

Well said friend...! You do not want to be hurt by someone else and then you also wish that you will not be hurt by others. If you do not want someone to do something to you then it is your moral duty to see that you do not do the same thing to others. I do not think that just by hurting others you can have enemy. But it depends on the nature of the person whom you have hurt. If the person hurt by you is very sensitive and have feelings of revenge, then you are likely to have enemy by hurting a person. Then why to have enemy...! Thanks for sharing your views here. Have a nice time.

If we hurt others. Of course, people will be angry with us, and consider us as enemies.

So you think that it is not necessary to be very careful not to hurt feelings of the people if you are going to hurt their feelings for their benifit. I agree with you to some extent. But my dear friend... If we can use better words, then we can save from hurting their feelings too. Say in your given example only - If you do not feel that the person will be able to sing well, it is better to tell him so. I do agree with you here. But before telling him straight way if you can say that it is very tough to sing and not all the people can reach to great level of singing and if you can know about his other hobies, just tell him that he could be better off if he plays some instrument or plays some game as his physic is quite suitable for it. I think you could avoid hurting him. If such ways are not available, then I fully agree that we should not be worried about hurting a person if we are going to save a person from future problems. Nice to have your opinion about this issue. Hope to read more about other matters here. Have a nice time friend...!

Well that's a nice thought, and perhaps where you are from that would work. Here in the US, where I am from, if you don't tell it to them straight, directly in their face... you might as well not tell them at all. They won't listen. I remember a story from some years back about a woman who had some medical issues, and she went around demanding this and that, and complaining that her family wasn't taking care of her enough, and on and on and on. Finally a friend of hers told her that she was a horrible wife, a horrible mother, and that she was being a self absorbed jerk. She broke down in tears, and realized her error. Mended her marriage, made up with her children, and recovered from her illness. But if they had treated her with kid gloves, tip toe around her to avoid hurting her feelings, she might have ended up divorced, her kids hating her, and been lonely and bitter. Now perhaps culture is different between us. But here, people are stubborn and jaded. If you are going to say something, you best be direct and to the point. Don't use soft fluffy words, or you might as well not talk at all. They won't listen.

So your experience has taught you that you should never hurt others. It so happens with many people that they have suffered something so badly that they do not want the same thing to be repeated to others. I think that you are doing very good thing by being selective while talking with people and thereby being very careful not to hurt the people's feelings. However, I personally feel that it is not possible to be selective in your reactions all the times. Many times the situation becomes so tense for a person that he speaks out something which hurts others. It is not that the person wants to hurt others but the environment aroundthe person at a particular moment makes him to respond in such a rude or unpleasent manner. That is why in one religious sect they have a special day when they apologize to everyone considering that they may have hurt others knowingly or unknowingly. Thanks for sharing your views here. Hope to read more from you here on MyLot...!

Absolutely right.I generally hate hurting others,but sometimes retorting back becomes inevitable and impossible.This happens when the other says something that's too hurting and even insulting to tolerate.I experienced it twice or thrice.Once one of my three step brothers said something about my mother,and I could not contain myself.I replied in the same tone,or rather more rudely and then we ceased to be on talking terms. But I don't think such abrupt reactions are meant for hurting others.They are just spontaneous outbursts that show we are having self respect and won't tolerate something that hurts it. Now I have to leave for a neighboring city and the train is about to arrive.In my next comment I would tell you my story in brief. Thanks a lot about your thoughtful response.

I agree with you that it is quite possible that inspite of trying hard, we hurt others. It may not be our intention to hurt people, but we do hurt them unknowingly. We do not wish that people should feel bad because of our words but many times people do not understand our words in right way and they get hurt. If we know that the person is sensitive towards the language, we will be careful in using each word in our speach. However, not only our words but some of our actions, gestures also hurt people. I think that it is important for each person who is sensible to others feelings to go and clear the misunderstanding in a nice way if it has occured unknowingly. Thanks for your response here...! Have a nice time friend ...!

You have some interesting discussions going and are very pleasant to talk to. Thanks for the comment!

Speaking truth but still not hurting the feelings of people is very difficult. It is not possible to think every time before you speak. It is because there are situations where you have to give your reaction fast enough for it to be effective one. I think that if we do honest effort and practice being selective in the use of our language, we can train ourselves not to hurt others. This will help us in a situation where we do not have time to think about the selection of words while giving our opinion.

Great thoughts...! I think that you have trained your mind to think very positively. If a person does wrong things to you on daily basis and still if you do not want to hurt him...it is something more than human nature I would say. It is your conscience that does not permit you to do anything which can hurt others. However, I would like to suggest one thing to you friend... just try to find out some way in which you can tell that person that he is using you daily and you know about it. This I am suggesting to you because I feel that in our life we have other responsibilities also. You may have your responsibilities towards your children also. In such situation, if you just keep suffering daily, a time may come when you will not be able to sustain that injustice to yourself. I am sorry if I have interefered into your personal matter. But nice to have your views on this subject friend...! Have a nice time...!

Well friend... Giving honest opinion is one thing and hurting people's feeling is the other thing. However, these two things are many times closely related with each other. If you do not give honest opinion to your friends and relatives and if in turn they are in trouble, you will feel bad. Your honest opinon on certain matter would have saved from awkward situation. I think that your policy of passing the question also may help you to avoid hurting other people's feelings. Only thing is that you should try honestly not to hurt others but still give your opinion honestly enough as far as it is possible. Have a nice time friend...!

That is very important...! Be frank but still do not hurt the feelings of the people. For this if you find some better ways to communicate your views, you can easily avoid hurting others. Being careful does not mean being worried but just practising not to hurt others' feelings. Thanks for your response... Have a nice time...!

Most of the people have the same opinion about hurting feelings of the others. They do not want to hurt others because they feel that if they are hurt by others, then they will also feel very bad and so they do not want to do the same thing to others. However, it is general human nature that people get hurt for many small things and the speaker would have no such intention. Just being careful not to hurt the feelings of others is not enough. It requires your constant and honest effort. Nice to have your views here in this discussion friend. Have a nice time...!

All the times it is very difficult to know the reaction of the receiver of your communication. If a person is very sensitive, he may feel hurt for small things too. If we could know the reaction of the other person then we could use our words more carefully or even avoid speaking to that person so that we would not hurt him. It is quite human to be sensitive to what other would say about you when you say something. So you would not use negative words and save yourself from being called rude person. However, I think that many times inspite of your trying hard the misunderstanding occurs and then we unknowingly hurt people. Nice to have your views here. I wish to read more of your opinions on other subjuects too.

I think that you have rightly suggested that language is very powerful thing. We should use our language in a very careful manner. We need not be very blunt to tell the truth. Just we have to use proper words so as to avoid hurting others. If you think positively and use your words selectively, you can easily avoid hurting others. Thank you for sharing your views here. Happy MyLotting...!

Well friend...! It is not the trait only for many women... I have seen many men who never likes to hurt others. Infact most of the people do not like to hurt the feelings of others. However, the problem with most of the people is that they loose control over their language and mind sometimes. In turn they speak out something which hurts others. Thanks for your response... Happy Mylotting...!

You are following the right way and I think that you will not hurt anybody if you continue to do the same thing. I believe that most of us do not want to hurt the feelings of the people. It is only due to unbearable circumstances that we hurt the feelings of others. More importanly we hurt the feelings of our own beloved ones as they are near to us and later we repent doing so. Thanks for adding your views to this discussion friend...! Have a nice time..!

You are right 'jenny'. It is not possible for us to avoid saying something which is not pleasent to others. If we speak out then we hurt others and if we do not speak out, then we feel bad for not saying the truth. In such cases we take the blow on ourself. That is not good for our mind too. If is quite possible that when we tell the truth or when we give some suggestion which hurts others later on proves to be quite useful and the people realize our worth. However, most of the times we get back only hate and no love for saying something which was required at that time. I suggest one way to avoid hurting the feelings of the people... Just keep mum. Force yourself not to speak out. It will not hurt others atleast. In such case, you know that what you have done is just for not hurting the people and not with a bad intention to allow something wrong to happen to others. Thanks for sharing your views here...! Have a nice time...!

Argueing with your boss may or may not be dangerous. It depends on the nature of the boss what type of treatment you will get from your boss if you enter into any sort of arguments. However, in general I think that we should avaid any sort of friction with our bosses. You have rightly stated that many people are very sensitive to small-small things and so people get hurt so quickly. So if we remain careful then we can avaid hurting the feelings of the people in most of the cases. Thanks for sharing your views here. Have a nice time...!

Speaking out what one feels is not bad thing. However, if that truth is bitter, then one should find out some good ways to tell that truth. Human emotions are hurt very fast in many cases and so we should be careful while saying anything to any person. It is said in some books "Say truth but say dear". Thanks for sharing your views here. Have a nice time...!

It is very difficult to mend somethings when they are once spoiled. Human heart and mind are such things. If a person whom you have hurt takes to his heart then he may not forgive you even after a long time. If a person keeps the same thing in his mind then he would like to take revenge on you. In both the cases, you are not in pleasent situation. So it is better to be careful and not to hurt the feelings of the people for our good also. For this one has to train oneself by honest trying. When you feel like saying something out of emotion or anger...wait...think well... which words should you use so that you can say what you want to say but still not hurt others. Thanks for the response...! Have a nice time...!

I think that you are more careful while dealing with unknown person than while dealing with your known persons. It is not bad policy. But the problem is that we are just casual while dealing with our own people, the people whom we love and value a lot that hurts our dear people more than other people. I think that in few cases if some unknown person gets hurt, it should not be big problem for us. Because we care least for unknown people and we care most for the feelings of our dear people. If they get hurt, we feel sorry about them and sometimes we curse ourself for their sorrow.