How should she behave?

India
September 24, 2012 9:47am CST
Hai mylotters! I and my cousion are pretty close.and almost share everything with each other.this weekend when i went to meet her,i found her upset.after insisting she told me that she is upset with her mother in law's behaviour.often her mother in law charges her for keeping the ornaments,however she had handed over all the ornaments to her mother in law as she doesnot have any locker.she lives with her in laws.so its very difficult for her to behave normal with her mother in law.she tried to talk less with her MIL.but its not practical.so for now she started talking but not as usual.she had asked me how she should behave with her MIL,But i am not clear.her MIL behaves nice with her but when it comes to ornaments or other valuable things she behaves like greedy.she had made it clear with her husband and father in law,and lukily they understand her.but what to do with MIL as she has no self respect. Can you guys could suggest anything?thanks in advance........have a good day.
2 people like this
5 responses
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
24 Sep 12
Rohitt" The problem you have narrated has been there since human inception and is prevalent in most of the houses. A daughter in law who was complaining of bad treatment by mother in law became a bad mother in law after her son's marriage. She did not think of being good to her daughter in law and instead was taking revenge. Greedy mother in law --no solution except to give ornaments to her and to tell the parents of girl not to give any more gold. Mother in law forgets that if she is confined to bed it is only the daughter in law who has to take care of her. Daughter in law should be careful in not getting into problems --when mother in law criticises her parents she should not retaliate, when mother in law reacts badly to her son then also daughter in law should not get involved. If chance comes for transfer to another destination opt for the same leaving in laws in the native place is another option.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 12
Hi ravi! She cannot leave them,she has to be with her,then the question arises how she should behave with her.normal as usual or restricted?
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
24 Sep 12
WHILE I do not recommend artificial behavior, in matters of this type she should behave as if she is normal yet keep herself away from in laws. Treat the in laws as one step above her, believe inlaws.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Sep 12
I respect your thoughts ravi.but its going to be tough for my sister as she was very hurt.
1 person likes this
@Jatelo2 (166)
• Nairobi, Kenya
24 Sep 12
Clear distinction of roles is what is needed in that house. Once everyone knows their boundaries everything will be OK and they will live harmoniously. That's my take on the issue!
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
24 Sep 12
jatelo welcome to mylot. It is easily said that each one should be in demarcated boundary. What is boundary will become a problem. If it is office we can decide this much is your discretionary limit --these are the works you have to do. But in a house mother in law will tell everything has to be done by daughter in law and at the same mother in law should get credit. tricky situation.
1 person likes this
@riyauro (6430)
• India
24 Sep 12
In that case i would say just go with the flow. Don't mind what MIL is saying. I guess many women are same especially MILs. My mother in law is the same though I live separate, still she comes and bosses around in my house..lol I just ignore now..Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead
• India
24 Sep 12
Hi riya! You are right these should not be give too much weightage but its hard to tolerate day and night the person who has insulted you and whom you donot like.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
25 Sep 12
Rohit: If possible ask your sister to get some job so that she can be away from home for eight/nine hours a day. True she has to do work in office and also back at home. that is better at least.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
7 Oct 12
Hi, this situation prevails in many joint families. The girl has to leave her parents and has to go to new house of her husband. She has to make adjustments for everything as she can not change all the people in the house. She has to respect all the elders in the family. I your cousin's case also she should make adjustment and has to listen her mother in law as she is of dominating nature. Otherwise she can not live happily there.
@Hatley (164672)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Oct 12
hi rohitt this seems to be your c ulture for all fam ilies to live together but here in the US we have an old adage two or more women cannot share one kitchen and etc with out bad words and' hurt feelings. tell her to get out of there and into an apt of her own.