There were 300 of them!

@allknowing (54669)
India
October 4, 2012 11:22pm CST
Soon after I was on my feet, after that road accident, which confined me to bed for a few months, I made a list of those who came to visit me in the hospital and later at home. There were over 300 of them!! Those who came on the very first day I was told were many, as I was not able to identify any of them at that time, as I was doped. I do not know why they had come there as none of them were able to help me in any way and I am sure that was not their intention either. The question is why do people visit the sick specially when the patient is in no mood to talk or entertain. Visiting as you know has become out of fashion and so why do they visit the sick? Only those who can help should be seen around. Your views please.
6 responses
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
5 Oct 12
Probably you were still working at that point of time[what I mean is you had not retired or resigned from your employment]THese visits may have become a social obligation and if they were not answerable to you they may have been to one another. Society imposes some constraints on people and many are unable to come out of them.The same thing goes for many people's lifestyle too. Personally I have experienced one thing after seeing my father--there are very few people who really care for another when they have nothing to gain from a transaction.When my father was professionally active his office was brimming with clients, a lot of midnight oil used to be burned and even after he was suddenly afflicted by paralysis many of his clients visited him initially both on a genuine concern coupled with a concern for their lawsuits as to what would become of them. Once it was known that he could no longer be active professionally they all vanished into thin air and there was a handful of friends and clients who continued to see him as a mark of goodwill. He did not realise it and upon his immense persuasion I took him one day to one of his so called friend/clients' functions[for which an invitation had been issued] only to hear on the 'aside' "why should he trouble himself coming and limping here ? These words , shake a person's inherent belief in the nature of friendship.
@allknowing (54669)
• India
5 Oct 12
I was not working at that time kala. They were mostly relatives, friends and neighbours and some with whom we have had dealings such as those from the banks, etc. They come more out of curiosity than anything else. Society has inculcated this obligation and I am waiting for a day when truth dawns in that people realise that unless they want to help around such visits normally do not serve any purpose. If anything, they disturb the patient. Your father's case is a clear example of - 'out of sight out of mind'. Instead of being happy that your father took the trouble of being there such a comment and that too from a friend makes one re-invent the meaning of a friend. I also do not like the system FB has of sending reminders about friends birthdays. I have not added it on my page.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
5 Oct 12
"Curiosity'in another person's affairs is something that really irritates me.
@allknowing (54669)
• India
6 Oct 12
The milling crowd at the scene of an accident says it all. What's it with human beings kala? Why are we so curious? Why do we want to watch a gruesome movie not once but twice? Why do we rush to read news about tsunamis, earthquakes.....? Beats me!
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
6 Oct 12
Wow...sounds like a terrible accident. I think that people want to do something to help, but the only thing they can do is to visit. I am not one that would want to be seen in a weakened condition either though. I have visited before but it was pretty much to extend moral support and let them know that they mattered to me. To be honest though, I was a little uncomfortable doing it knowing that I wouldn't want someone there. People are different though.
@allknowing (54669)
• India
6 Oct 12
My only contention is where do these people hide the year through? I would love to have those who keep in touch with me to visit me and that should hold for all I feel. They are there more out of curiosity than with the intention of cheering the patient as many a time the patient is better off left alone. Yes Jen it was a road accident and I had two fractures in my L1` and L3 vertebrae but I was up and about with the right care that I got from my doctors and nurses and indeed help from my home staff.
@GardenGerty (87739)
• Marion, Kansas
6 Oct 12
That does sound quite excessive. I have not had to be in hospital much, and was not visited much at either time. I do know that when my daughter had her most recent child she was able to restrict the number of visitors and chose to have only immediate family in to see her. It gave her a little bit of time for recovery and to bond with the baby.
@allknowing (54669)
• India
6 Oct 12
It is not excessive as I was confined to bed for more than six months. What I am trying to point out is that most of those who come to visit patients are never there in their life but suddenly out of the blue one sees them. This is a gobal phenomena GG!!
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
I don't think there is anything wrong if friends visit you when were hospitalized. It just shows that they care for you. Why would you only want people who can help you to come to visit you? I don't think it is fair for others who truly care for you.
@allknowing (54669)
• India
5 Oct 12
When the culture of visiting friends and family is now history why come when one is sick specially when the patient is not in a position to spend time with them? Those who are in one's life when they are normal and those who keep in touch regularly they are most welcome but not those who only come when you are sick and then vanish from one's life!
@vandana7 (55327)
• India
5 Oct 12
My ...you must be pretty rich to get that many visitors..lol Seriously..very glad that you are able to walk. And those 300 ...none of them was concerned really. The really concerned person would sit at home make things for you and send them across to you. Or stay overnight. Short term visits are social formality. So if people are around they are remembered ...its like giving the visiting card again..
@allknowing (54669)
• India
5 Oct 12
Not at one go vandana but over a period of time I made that list wondering why they never visit otherwise. It is such a nice feeling when someone visits you when you are up and about, healthy and ready to entertain! I also fee why people throng when there is an accident on the road. What is it that people gain by this curiosity!!
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
5 Oct 12
Glad to hear that u are now fine and are able to walk properly. Yes many a times u see people trying to force their pity and sympathy on u for no reasons and this is very much annoying. I also do not understand when they cannot help a person when he is in need then why to approach him when he is alright after the crunchy situation. It is all fake and just to show outside love and nothing else. The number looks big but their is no affection in them. What say?
@allknowing (54669)
• India
5 Oct 12
All that pity and sympathy is not called for and certainly not for those who manage life without the pity and sympathy. I wonder what goes on in their mind when they plant to visit - surely not to offer help! I had the right kind of help I needed and visits from these people was the last thing I wanted as I was in no state to talk to them. No one expresses it but most of the time patient want solitude so that they can recoup faster.