When It's Time To Call It Quits

@NailTech (6890)
United States
October 5, 2012 6:09pm CST
How many times does it take to break up when you officially call it quits and stay the *bleep* away from each other normally? What is the most # of times you broke up with someone til you decided it was "time"? My friend is in his 50's and tells me him and his girlfriends broke up at least three times in the past few years. Do you see that lasting? Will he finally realize she is not the girl for him? She is much younger and seems more imature as well. I think she is younger than he even says she is in fact.
2 people like this
14 responses
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
i never had relationship that is " on and off". well, that's maybe because i live with my principle that when you say no, you should mean it NO and as well as in yes.. so, when i decide to break up, that would mean no more second chances. why need to break up if you can't really let go of someone? why not just "forgive and forget " and no break ups in the middle of the fight?
1 person likes this
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
6 Oct 12
It is hard for me to believe that no one ever has a fight with his spouse. If no fight happens, one better make a fight so they can reconcile and become even closer than they were before. I had a girlfriend once and she refused to come to my home. We almost broke up, but, I wanted to stay with her. When we reconciled, our relationship became more intimate. She realized I don't just break up with her for a small reason. It meant something for her. I think it can improve the relationship if done carefully. It can also destroy it if something goes wrong.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
7 Oct 12
I'm kind of like you cyfer. What kind of yo-yo relationship can do anyone anything in a relationship that is so up and down. I'm sure in my friend's case the breaking up on and off probably brings them closer, who knows. I just don't get the overall relationship itself when there is such a distinctive age gap in there to begin with along with other interferences.
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
hi Stringer, im not trying to say that we never had fights with my guy. of course we had but what i meant was we never had break ups then if we realize that it can still be reconciled then we tie the knot again. in every relationship i had, i never speak of break up as a way of expressing anger. we can get angry and have fight but later on, we can forgive each other and especially forget. anyway, thanks for the comment stringer as well as nailtech(i guess you got my point :) )
@GemmaR (8526)
6 Oct 12
It is very hard when you have to make a decision about when to end a relationship or not, and sometimes you can stay with somebody who you know is not right for you for years just because you are unable to make that final decision about ending it with them. If you are not happy, then you should never stay that way. You should try to find ways to solve any problems that you have with each other, and if there are things that cannot be solved then you should almost certainly be considering ending the relationship because you don't want to be unhappy for the rest of your life.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
17 Oct 12
Yea, that is how my parents live. They fight almost constantly at times and over the same things. They stayed together for over 50 years now and it's not been the best of the married life. To grow up in that kind of environment is also hard for their kids, such as myself and brother.
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
This is actually one of the problems that I am facing right now. I we keep on getting back after breaking up a lot of times. I don't think it is still a healthy relationship. I think it is no longer love. Sometimes I feel like it is more of pride.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
7 Oct 12
I wish you the best with that, let me know how it's going after a few months or so. If you're still together then I guess there is still an ounce of hope. God bless.
@simonelee (2718)
• China
6 Oct 12
A lot of time I broke up with my partner unintentionally due to anger. I utter words that I don't mean(or maybe half meant), I hurt my partner because I want my partner too feel what I'm feeling inside,the pain that almost gave me a heart attack. Those words and feelings are suppressed, i guess. I don't know if i already hit the "quota" and if so i"m not sure if I'm ready to let go. It is only your friend could tell if she's the one. Relationship is not base on age difference. Sometimes, age gap make things work.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
17 Oct 12
I think your'e probably right. But if the words keep on going like that then it is just verbal abuse. The pain you're feeling might be something wrong on your side of the relationship and you have to get that fixed some other way than lashing back out on your partner. I know what it means to be hurt and unintentionally hurting the other person on both sides of the relationship.
• United States
6 Oct 12
We broke up a few times and we never lasted a day apart. it is really funny when I look back and think how stupid we were being thinking it was going to last. lol
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
7 Oct 12
Yea, I'm thinking this won't last either with my friend but he will probably want to drag it out with her for a while longer or so. I'm not sure why, so he just has some company perhaps.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
6 Oct 12
Only 3 times? It depends on their relationship. I know a couple I use to work with, they are my age or a few years younger. They have been together a year or 2 now. They fight constantly, they post it all over facebook then a few days later they are back together, they do this weekly. It gets pretty old after awhile, I know if I got in arguements a lot and found myself being more angry than happy I would leave. Sometimes it takes years for people to realize, or they accept it thinking thye wont find anyone else. A girl I use to work with who was 400 pounds, dated and still is dating this loser, he lowers her self esteem like no tomorrow, she wont admit that she wont leave him, and she thinks she can live without him. I dont put up with crap, so me it would be pretty simple.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
6 Oct 12
Yea, 3 times. And now he tells me they are back together again and going to a Madonna concert. I stopped wanting to be in touch with him for awhile cause of all of this via email. He still calls me about 3 times or so a year and he never talks about her so I don't bring her up either. They don't use FB at least to air their problems, I know she got into a fight with him though once cause she is on FB and he is as well but he doesn't use it much at all but has these girls on his list she was so jealous of. So to me it seems like she is the jealous type. Once when they were out together in the sun he had put on sunglasses and she accused him of checking out the girls that way. I mean this is how immature she is. He's not perfect either, one thing is that he has a tendency to forget things alot and that gets on my nerves. It's personal things like what I say, etc. so I'm sure he is doing that with her as well. If she can put up with that at her young age then good for her.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
6 Oct 12
I've broken up once and given a guy a second try a couple of times, but the first time was a long time and the second short. There would be no third time.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
7 Oct 12
I'm with you, this is just crazy. I think they just hang onto each other cause they both can't get another date right now or something, Sheesh.
@beamer88 (4268)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
All my previous relationships had ended once only. I mean, there was no getting back again and breaking up and so forth. Although there were times wherein I wanted to (and I actually did try to woo her back), for some reason, it never happened. Well, I guess I'm fortunate. Breaking up the first time could sometimes be a bummer. Breaking up again could be worse. Well, it's really hard to say when one has to call it quits permanently. Call me an old-school romantic, but I think if there's no mutual love present anymore, then that's when calling it quits is officially calling it quits.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
6 Oct 12
I don't understand the back and forth thing myself. If you're not gonna hit it off the first time then why go back together if it's something you can't work out. He now says they are back together again and going to a Madonna concert. I have given up on it, I stopped emailing him cause of all the things he says about them breaking up and then getting back together. I think you either want to be together or you don't.
@stringer321 (2861)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
6 Oct 12
I think some arguments between spouses can make an opportunity to improve their relationship when they get over the fight and reconcile. Maybe they discover how much they love each other. They discover their love can make up for the differences between them. I'm not sure how many times it must happen. It depends on how serious the problems are. One big fight can put an end to the relationship forever. If too many fights happen, something basic is probably wrong.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Very interesting questions and very interesting topic as a whole. I can't really answer from experience because fortunately, and not bragging or anything, I am in a relationship with my first and only girlfriend for more than ten years now without any breakups. Most people who don't know us would definitely find it hard to believe and at first I would not understand that, but being with many people and learning some of their experiences in relationships, I then realize why it is then. In my opinion, I believe that breaking up can really be caused by many things, which could probably have been prevented if one side is willing to compromise for the sake of love. However, this cannot be true and/or helpful at all times, as compromising truly depends on the situation, right? I mean, if an argument arose from something so small like a misunderstanding in a meeting time or place, choice of food, etc., then apologies should be made and just try to fix things as soon as possible, but then there are mistakes that should not be overlooked, and this should not be handled through compromise. I think you know what I mean by this. Anyway, my point is some break-ups are petty and truly immature when you come to think about it, so I guess there's no real number of break-ups to know when a relationship is not going to last, it's the reasons for it that truly matter.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
6 Oct 12
When I was younger I had a bf and we would break up almost every week because he would make promises to me saying he keep this job or stop smoking. Mother happened and soon I got tired of him and threw his stuff out of my house and I told him if he comes back ill have my brother kick his a$$. It helped! I think some ppl stay with their ex's bcuz they're afraid of bein alone. But then again I've only had one other seriouse relationship....
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
You may call it already quit if a relationship ends in a breakup. But, you may not still call it a QUIT if they will then build it up right? We may not call it officially over even for a hundred times of breakup if they will always find a way to put the shattered pieces again. :)
@allknowing (65075)
• India
6 Oct 12
I have never had any experience of breaking up but it does not seem difficult to know if one can make up depending on the seriousness of the situation. A simple example would be being unfaithful. Here one should never be given a second chance.
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
6 Oct 12
it all depends on when you get bored and upset,call it quits,its your mentality at the end of the day