When Helping People Makes Matters Worse
October 28, 2012 1:44pm CST
I feel like karma should be more on my side because I am always quick to help my friends sometimes when I do not want to, I invest much time online growing my business, do research for people who would like to work from home and networking with musicians and artists playing their music on my radio shows for free who actually support me and appreciate me more than some of my friends do. Many times helping has made things worse and put me in difficult situations that I should not be in. Maybe it's because I am not providing the help they need. By that I mean maybe karma has not been on my side because I am actually enabling them instead of helping them, and their bad behavior is actually contributing to the problem and not the solutions in my life. There definitely needs to be some changes and I feel really bad that I abandoned people who could have been a true friend for life instead of lowlife trash that I find myself around these days. What keeps me going is my dream of a more successful online business and whenever there is a problem the first thing I do is get online and start building and/or editing my web site. I figure that is my only ticket out of this mess and it really keeps me going because one day I can leave all this behind and be around professionals like myself that have accomplished much more than they could ever do combined. I know people say that no one is better than the other but to be perfectly honest, they are beneath me based on their attitudes, actions and really need to grow up. I have done things and worked with people that they will never have the chance or skill to do. So back to the question at hand. Has helping people actually made things worse for you?
2 people like this
28 Oct 12
Most of my friends and relatives will tell you, if asked, that I have a problem and that problem is the inability to say no in almost all favors asked. I have this disease where I want to please every people. It's actually something not that bad in most cases but when I think about it has really affected my life, let alone my time, in many ways. Like you, I have useful skills and knowledge in certain things that are not common to many, so asking help from me is considered a blessing, not only because I can do it good, also because I rarely charged for it. So basically, it's a good deed at my expense. So, of course, there are many times when the help I give and service I provide makes things worse, sometimes to myself, my affairs in life, and sometimes even others. I really get what you mean about all the stuff you said; the enabling part and the choosing of the wrong types of people to help and letting down the ones that could have been one of the real good friends in life part, too. I have my share of regrets and my aspirations as well. So, to you, me, and the people like us, I wish us all good luck on our endeavors!
• United States
28 Oct 12
I agree and that's why there is a fine line between helping and enabling and that's what makes things harder. Sometimes I don't realize the difference but now my eyes are open even tho it is still in my nature to help and be there for people.
29 Oct 12
Sometimes it is better to allow the person you are trying to help to actually believe that they are helping themselves. To achieve this is by means of gently speaking to the person and making sublime suggestions....implanting the seed of an idea and allowing it to grow. I have found this to be a more acceptable way of helping people in my life . It seems to work better than the more direct approach and people actually don't realise that you have 'nudged' them in the right direction.
• Boise, Idaho
29 Oct 12
I have had some very bad luck in helping others. I have had things stolen from me because I let someone stay with me. I think helping the younger people probably has more going for it. Good luck with your online business. Sometimes good things do tend to take a while.
29 Oct 12
It sounds to me you invest way more time in other people as you do in yourself! This is exactly the reason why you attract "trash" and you have less time for you plus those who might be a real/good friend for life. If you want to be succesfull you better give yourself a helping hand first! Think about yourself first. If you made it you have your hands free to invest in other people. If you re-read what you wrote you already say it yourself (and discovered it): you do research for other people, many times hleping had made things worse and put you in difficult situations, their bad behaviour is contributing to the problem, their definitely need to be some changes. I can assure you there is nothing wrong with your karma but there is with the decisions you make! Let those people make their own life, take their own decisions, you can show them the way (search on the internet), but you should not do the job for them or decide for them. Invest in yourself first! Back off (don't help that quickly they don't learn anything from it plus you can use your time/energy better). Your lesson is to take care of yourself first. Only if you can do that you are able to help out others and it's less frustrating to invest in people who won't do the same for you.
29 Oct 12
It is the most awkward situation that anyone could get into. You help them and ... it is the only mistake that you have made. I only know one thing that if somebody has helped me out from something than I have to be grateful to him for my entire life. I really feel sorry for those people who mistreated their helpers and thus close the door of getting help from anyone for forever.
29 Oct 12
Yes. Like lending a classmate a pen then they lose it and never return then i would run out of pen just when i need them most. So nowadays, I only help people who are reliable and people who i can help with minimal effort. I don't give too much effort into helping because i believe that they can do more helping themselves because of the little help I gave them. If I put too much effort and time to help them then they will become dependent on me and I don't want that. So I rarely get into those kind of situations. I don't help just because I think it will give me positive karma someday, I also help them become more self reliant. My advise and words, I believe, are enough help most of the time. Words can be more helpful than actions sometimes. Don't feel guilty for abandoning people who are still dependent on you. They should learn to depend on themselves. It's part of growing up. If you want people to grow up, sometimes it's better to leave them on their own.
• United States
28 Oct 12
It really does not work out the way we hope it to when we help other people. We do have the best intentions in mind when helping other people. Of course, having the best intentions in mind and those intentions leading to the best results are two different things whatsoever. There are times where helping people can just go so far off of the rails it isn't even funny. Granted, that just means we have to be very careful to pick and choose our spots wisely. Are we helping a person or hurting them even if we are thinking that we are helping them? That to me can be a tough question more often than not, and the matters can be worse. There are times where you just got to stop helping, and let these things flow naturally. Sometimes to help might mean to hurt even if we don't mean to.