A curse of guilt: Seeking forgiveness which i Had Lost
October 29, 2012 11:05pm CST
My husband still in my front now asking for forgiveness, kneeling, sobbing , crying, tears falling one by one but my heart is so rigid now. I can't felt anything, no emotions, nothing, its like i am a vessel without a soul. Then, my mother look at me with guilty eyes, searching my inner meek soul, asking me to forgive my husband for what he had done. But i cannot find any ounce of forgiveness in my heart.I know why my mother look at me like that, we have vowed in our wedding to be together, in sickness and in health , till do us part. That we must shared everything and if one get wrong, one must correct it for we are one , in life, in truth, in soul by God. But what can I do?...I can't decide now, i am still in VOID...? i am lost..
31 Oct 12
You are not lost, you are a strong person and you are the only one who knows what your husband did to you. Sobbing, kneeling, crying, sorry but it would not soften my heart and I would not buy it. Being married in good and bad times doesn't mean that your husband can misbehave since according to him you have to stay with him or forgive him anyway. this is way too easy. Also this is not your mother's business. If a sobbing, kneeling men can get you so easily forgive (which most people can not it will take time since trust is broken, very frequently on purpose since we all know what is right or wrong very well!) he would not change his behaviour and continue with it or do it again. Like they say: once a ... always a ... Give yourself the time to think over what happened. How you feel about it. If it might happen to you as well. If this is the kind/type of man you want to spend your life with. Also ask yourself how he would respond if you would do exactly the same to you! Would he easily forgive you? This all will take time, weeks, months, perhaps years. I think it's wrong to say: I forgive you if you are not able to. Also your husband has to prove over a long period he is really sorry and change his behavour. Crying, sobbing, kneeling and repeating 100 times he is sooo sorry won't help. He has to act. Set your own goals for what you want for you, your life, your future, your relationship, only if you do so your life won't be wasted plus people will respect you.
31 Oct 12
My dear person I feel for you and why? many, many years ago it happened to me my husband[my ex now] cry and cry and beg for forgiveness but I could not find in my heart to do so...to me he was gone and that was it. We divorced he got marry again and have 2 lovely children and we still keep in touch because we have 4 children from our marriage I can talk to his wife and my children keep in touch with their step sibblings...please don't feel guilty if you can't forgive you owe it to your self to feel that way.
• United States
31 Oct 12
Its not very often at least in my experience that I've seen grown men cry. That being said he's obviously very sorry. I know it doesn't fix what he did or heal your pain but at least he desperately wants to be forgiven. Did he tell you what he did or did you have to find out on your own? If he approached you and told you he made a mistake while still painful its at least honest. How long has this been going on? Sometimes people need time to themselves to sort things out. Perhaps he just needs to give you some time and space. I've had boyfriends that have cheated on me before and it was very hurtful. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if my husband did such a thing. I think you've been through a lot and right now you're probably just still processing the situation. I think in time the answer will become clear to you. I hope things work out for you.
30 Oct 12
Don't decide just yet. Let your pain heal first. Yes it's true that you had vowed to be together, in sickness and in health but your husband diverted from this path. At the moment it's just normal if you can't find forgiveness in your heart because you are still hurting. The hurt you're feeling won't go away in just a blink of an eye. Just explain to your mom that right now you are hurting and you need more time to gather yourself, to calm yourself, to heal the wound cause by your husband. You're not ready to make a decision specially if it concerns you accepting your husband now. You need more time to be just by yourself right now.
30 Oct 12
I think that forgiveness is something that is relatively misunderstood by a lot of people, and it is a shame because people need to think more before they decide to say that they're going to forgive somebody. If you don't honestly feel that you have forgiven your husband then you shouldn't tell him that you have. If he has done something wrong to you then he needs to make it right and prove to you that his love is worth fighting for. After all, you cannot forgive him without him proving himself to you before you do so.
30 Oct 12
What did you husband do to you, that makes you feel that way? Is it really that grave that you would be really so cold towards him? I really don't know the real deal but, if you and your husband did not yet talk it out. Well, maybe you should first discuss it. And if you really cant find forgiveness, just let it cool for a while. Don't decide drastically cause you might regret it.Talk it out, listen, be open. May you and your husband work it out.
30 Oct 12
if you need time, then everyone should let you have it, including your husband and your mother. it's better to do it when your heart, mind and soul are truly open and ready. you will also be needing to have heart-to-heart talks and you will be feeling your way around each other thereafter so there will be challenging times again as you rebuild your relationship. people around you may have good intentions, but sometimes, it's better to let things develop on their own.
30 Oct 12
Thanks a ton for sharing this discussion. Well i am sure u must be very much confused about what is going to be your next decision. I think to err is human and to forgive is divine. U should forgive your husband for whatever has happened and i know that he is asking for forgiveness which means that he has realized his mistakes and wants to resume the relationship with u. U should forgive him and ask him to promise not to do anything that would break your relationship with him. What say?
30 Oct 12
Forgiving is the biggest vitue of mankind. And relationships are complicated. If he is truly important enough and if you can forget whatever he has done, you can forgive him. But if you think you can no longer respect him or share your emotions with him, then the relationship is already suffering and you can't force your mind. Right?