How to respond to the affection of your best friend while you don't love him\her

November 4, 2012 1:58am CST
well, recently I've just spotted that one of my best friend(male) like me while I don't have that kind of affection for him. I am vexed about how to face him. His expression was interrupted by me for several times. And these days he beginns to say something very unpleasant if I speaks of other boys. I feel very disappointed and just don't know how to handle it. what will you do if you were me?
2 people like this
9 responses
@Sindelle (830)
• United States
5 Nov 12
The only way you can really handle it is to be gentle and honest with him. A few years ago I had a very good friend of mine fall me as well. I was honest with him and I also said this to him "I think you're a wonderful person but if we ever dated I'd be afraid it would spoil our friendship." Its true though most people who date do not end up as friends afterwards.
@Sindelle (830)
• United States
5 Nov 12
I'd also talk to him soon since this is becoming a problem when you talk to other boys. Imagine if you met someone you really liked and he scared him off. Good Luck
5 Nov 12
Actually, i said directly i have no that kind of feeling of him before hoping not to induce something unpleasant. But now i spot that he just think i am his girl. i don't know his feelings before, and i told him i might like the other guy. he begins to say something unpleasant about us. i was so disappointed about this. i hope he can soon come around. Anyway, he is my best friend.
5 Nov 12
hey i have the same situation with you,i understand and respected his feelings for me, though the friendship is still there it was not the same as what we had before. We still talk, we still hang out but there is a feeling of awkwardness. Continue to be his friend, respect his feelings and just dont spend so much time with him.
5 Nov 12
yes, it's my respect for his feeling and our friendship that make me stick in the dielemma. I don't want to lose my friend. I know everything will be changed. Alas!
• India
5 Nov 12
Love is quite common to every one and any one can love any person based on their interest. But we must avoid forcing activities in love. Mostly friendship is the beginning stage of love. Most of the lovers are best friends at the beginning and promoting their friendship in to love based on their interest. There is nothing wrong in falling with a best friend. But if your friend is not interested with you as well as don't have any feelings with you, don't force them to love you and continue your good friendship with them if both of you are interested in it. Love is not a forcible thing and no one will get a real and sincere love with forcing activities. Some persons started to love their good friends one side and force them to reciprocate the love to them. Really this kind of activities will create hatred among good friends. Some persons will go another extent and they don't allow their beloved person to take with other persons in the opposite gender even though they know that their love is one side and their lover don't have any idea about them. This kind of persons are deserved for punishment. Loving a person is based on the individual wish and no one have the ability to force another person to love him/her. If you are not interested with the person whoever love you, convey it clearly to him/her and don't afraid to reject or avoid this kind of unwanted love. Better to keep distance from this kind of persons. If they continue to torture you, make a police complaint against the person. There is nothing wrong in this kind of activities and it will help you to avoid unwanted love. Don't force a person to love you. This kind of forcing activities will create a lot of unwanted issues in life. Be gentle and be friendly with the person whoever don't love you, but like you a lot.
5 Nov 12
I remember an article named LOVE IS A FALLACY. Love is a mysterious chemical reaction, of no logic. I respect him, but our relationship can't be forced.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
5 Nov 12
I'd probably stop talking to him about other guys and talk to him straight that I don't have feelings for him and I only see him as a friend. I know he will be persistent but I'll make sure that I don't treat him extra special just because he says he likes me. I have gone through the same and I am pretty sure you're torn too because you could lose a friend. But all in all, do not treat him extra nice because you don't want to hurt his feelings, he will not see it that way instead he'd think that you're just hiding your real feelings for him. Stop talking to him privately, neither should you start going out with him only - he will think that something really is up. In the end, someone's going to get hurt. There's no easy way to break somebody's heart. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
5 Nov 12
Thanks for your understanding. Actually I had told him that I just took him as my friend. But he seems to ignore it and think that I am his! I can't no longer talk to him just because his feelings for me. and i respect him and cherish our friendship. I fear that everything will be ruined. But I decide to give him some time, if he's willing to be a pure friend, our friendship can be some extent saved. if he keeps doing so……
@lady1993 (16074)
• Philippines
5 Nov 12
I think you should ask him if he does like you, for how long and what you feel about him.. to st things straight and so he would not expect more.. if he really does lve you, he will still remain as a friend to you.
5 Nov 12
THX!(*^__^*) However, i don't love him. I feard that once he spoke out everything, our friendship would be ruined. Well, now that he beginns to say sth unpleasant and talks me out of being with others, i think he's not acting as a friend or a man who loves me.
• Philippines
4 Nov 12
Hello klasseswasser, Let him go, probably try not to speak with him. I think it's not fair for you to be scold on simply because you are speaking to other boys, that's not fair. I think he will cool off and rethink what he did if you chose not to speak with him. but you can try to convince and talk to him first.
5 Nov 12
Thanks, ^_^. well, i haven't talked to him for days. i hope that he can cool off and come back to his position.
@auwielady (116)
• Philippines
4 Nov 12
Perhaps you have to talk to him about it. If he is really your friend, he will understand it and he will stay by your side regardless of your situation. Yes, you don't want him to get hurt, but you can't stay like that forever. One of these days, you will have to face it anyway. And after all, if you are really concerned with him as well, you will not let this situation hurt him much longer. Of course, even though you have been friends for like hundreds of years already, you will still have to set some boundaries since you are both from the opposite genders. You will have to make it clear to him as early as now, or he will hope for a deeper relationship with you someday.
5 Nov 12
I want to state it more clearly if he's going to express his feeling once more. if he's the real friend, he will make the right choice.
@doroffee (4233)
• Hungary
4 Nov 12
He is acting really immaturely... he doesn't seem like a true friend. I know you like him as a friend and you want him to stay your friend, but he isn't acting that way... which means that he isn't worth being friends with. Be brave, courageous and firm: tell him that you don't like him that way and would never like him that way, and you like him as a friend, but he's even losing your love as a friend because of his behaviour (like he isn't accepting your decision and bring your feeling down), and if he keeps say rude things while you are talking to other boys, you are going to stop this whole relationship with him. Then he would decide whether your friendship is more important to him than the love he would never get and his ego.
5 Nov 12
I have pointed out some of his really unsuitable behaviours. even if i don't want to hurt him, i must offer the chance to him to become mature. if the friendship is stubborn enough and worth of my concern, it will stand the wearing away of these small episode. Thank you
• Indonesia
9 Nov 12
This is very difficult situation. I do believe until now that friendship is better than other. But If some one that love you is your best friend since your kid, well, I don't what have to say. The best thing what you can do is just try to explain your feeling to him honestly. And it need time to understand from both of side