How do we tell a friend that he cannot take all our sparer time?

@rubyroy (824)
India
November 8, 2012 11:54am CST
A friend mine who is always very helpful spents all his spare time with us.Initially it was not a problem,but now I am finding it difficult to have spare time to meet my needs.He is facing a lot of problems and needs our constant company to tide over the difficult period,because he is demanding a lot of time,I find difficulty in finishing my work.How do I tell him that I need some spare time to meet my own needs,without hurting him.
4 responses
• United States
8 Nov 12
Wow, that is a very good question. However, it is always best to be honest with true friends. Perhaps you could say something like - I can come over from 2 to 4 tomorrow or from 4 to 6 which works best for you? That way he may not feel like you are neglecting him - and explain that you have a lot of work to accomplish - if he's a friend he will understand.
@rubyroy (824)
• India
9 Nov 12
I told him that I want to clean my house,So I do not want any disturbance,and another catch is whenever we are with common friends ,he dominates our company and our other friends feel neglected.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
8 Nov 12
You should start with that you really don't want to offend him, but you have a project/work going on which is really difficult and busy, and for which you need time, and then assure him of that you're by his side and that you won't leave him, just meet him a bit less frequently. But you have to be firm and honest and open, and if he doesn't understand, you could be a bit more assertive of your own interests.
2 people like this
@drasnian (548)
8 Nov 12
I don't think there's an easy way to answer this. We have a similar sort of problem in our house - one guy wants to play xbox or watch football or generally hang out with my boyfriend a lot, to the point where my other half can't get his work done during the day, and it eats into the time that we'd normally spend together in the evening. On top of that, the same friend has now adopted a habit of "let's watch a film together" a lot. This used to be an occasional, group social event...now it's turning into a few times a week...and this guy only ever invites himself, my boyfriend and me... so not only are we getting to spend less time together, but the time we do get ends up being awkward sometimes (You remember that old saying, "Two's company, three's a crowd"?!) We've just had to be upfront with him, and yet try to be tactful at the same time. We've started suggesting that he can play on my boyfriend's xbox while my boyfriend gets his work done, or even occasionally just saying "Not tonight, we've been so busy and we haven't got to spend any time together recently, so we're going to do chill out with some tv". You could see if this friend has any hobbies you could encourage - reading or something similar. Also, if you have several friends to spend time with, arranging something you can ALL do saves on having 5 different events during the week etc. Good luck, just try to be honest. Be considerate of his feelings, but remember it's your time he's using, and it's valuable to you!
2 people like this
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
8 Nov 12
Be honest! Say you are busy, need time for yourself as well. You can agree about at what time or moment it is the best to pay full attention and to help out. Also say for what time (1 hour or 2 hours). Also if you do think this friend needs more professional help tell so. Nobody is helped if you get a break down just because of the hard times of your friend. Friends should be honest to eachother and respect each others time, privacy, life, needs as well.
1 person likes this