Why is it wrong to be honest?

United States
November 23, 2012 12:46pm CST
I ask me that Question over and over again! The most people I know are telling me how they appreciate honesty ! That really funny cause the reason why I only got one friend is my honesty ! I have a very open mind and I hate to think a long time before I am saying something. My mom raised me to be honest in life and that's what I am trying to do! I am not saying that I never lied in my life but it never turned out good. Although I forgot to whom I was lying and to whom not brought a lot of trouble ! Lol So pretty soon in life I found out that is was so much easier to be honest even when it was sometimes hard. I became a very open person and I do not hesitate to tell you what I think! I always try to be nice when I am giving my response to someone cause I really don't wonne hurt anyone. But all what I hear is : Goth you could have say that nicer or why did you say that? For example We went in a bar and one guy came to me and ask me if he can buy me a drink. I said no thx I am not interested But he didn't let go and he was getting on my nerves So I said: look I don't like you it is nothing personal please let me alone. He went but one of the girls told me that it wasn't nice to say it that way and that I should think more often before I talk. So now she is not going out with me anymore That's ok with me but I am tired of all those people that want the truth and then they can't deal with it.
6 people like this
35 responses
@mounis (70)
• India
23 Nov 12
All I know is honesty is everything. It is not at all wrong to be honest! What matters is your own satisfaction.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 12
I agree with you. Honesty is very important. It matters in so many areas of our life. It is best that we be honest with ourselves and others. It will benefit everyone involved.
@jenny1015 (13388)
• Philippines
24 Nov 12
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest. But sometimes we need to take a halt in giving out the truth to avoid hurting another person.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 12
Thank you,but wouldn't it hurt more when you didn't tell them and they find out? It sure would hurt me much more
@jenny1015 (13388)
• Philippines
24 Nov 12
Yes,we could also hurt them in a way, most especially if they have found about it from others. So, it is our choice which one to do- to keep the truth or tell the truth. I think some things really should be told no matter how painful it would be if we know that is is for the best.
@meumeu25 (917)
• United Arab Emirates
23 Nov 12
Hi, There is nothing wrong with being honest. I also chose to be honest almost all of the time but just like you, I think not everybody likes it. What I like about being honest is that you don't have to feel guilty about hiding something, and that feels good. I find it hard to lie because when I am questioned more and more I can't keep up with it. When somebody ask me about him/herself, I ask them if they really want to hear the truth because if they do, I won't hold my tongue to say what I want to say. In that way they will be warned. Well with guys, sometimes girls have to be harsh for them to get the message. Anyway, I guess the easy way to tell them you don't like them is to say sofly but will it make any difference? I don't think so.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 12
Thank you both for your response! Well I learned that too that I say do you really wonne know? It might hurt or you won't like it but I hear always a yes and later on they are talking behind my back.
1 person likes this
@meumeu25 (917)
• United Arab Emirates
23 Nov 12
We can't predict people like those but atleast we will know the next time they ask, wehave to be careful with what we say or say nothing at all.
1 person likes this
24 Nov 12
No, to be honest is great thing. if we honest we can face any thing in our life. we can get good persons in our life . so to be honest
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 12
Thx yes you are true about that
@ladygator (3469)
• United States
24 Nov 12
I looked up some research regarding this and I found more often then not that it was better for the well being of the person and their health was better with honesty. But I have my mixed beliefs on this. One, there are so many people convicted of crimes that are coerced into giving into a guilty plea out of fear that they wont be found innocent. (I do know this to be fact in more than two cases that I personally have been involved in) I personally feel the toll of dis-honesty. If I am not being honest thats all that I can think about. But here I will share with you my findings...Enjoy. New “Science of Honesty” Study Links Truthfulness to Wellness ========= ORLANDO, Fla. August 4, 2012 (American Psychological Association) — Telling the truth when tempted to lie can significantly improve a person’s mental and physical health, according to a “Science of Honesty” study presented at the American Psychological Association’s 120th Annual Convention. “Recent evidence indicates that Americans average about 11 lies per week. We wanted to find out if living more honestly can actually cause better health,” said lead author Anita E. Kelly, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame. “We found that the participants could purposefully and dramatically reduce their everyday lies, and that in turn was associated with significantly improved health.” Kelly and co-author Lijuan Wang, PhD, also of Notre Dame, conducted the honesty experiment over 10 weeks with a sample of 110 people, of whom 34 percent were adults in the community and 66 percent were college students. They ranged in age from 18 to 71 years, with an average age of 31. The just-completed study has not yet undergone peer review and has yet to be published. Approximately half the participants were instructed to stop telling major and minor lies for the 10 weeks. The other half served as a control group that received no special instructions about lying. Both groups came to the laboratory each week to complete health and relationship measures and to take a polygraph test assessing the number of major and white lies they had told that week. Over the course of 10 weeks, the link between less lying and improved health was significantly stronger for participants in the no-lie group, the study found. For example, when participants in the no-lie group told three fewer white lies than they did in other weeks, they experienced on average about four fewer mental-health complaints, such as feeling tense or melancholy, and about three fewer physical complaints, such as sore throats and headaches, the study found. In contrast, when control group members told three fewer white lies, they experienced two fewer mental-health complaints and about one less physical complaint. The pattern was similar for major lies, Kelly said. Compared to the control group, participants in the more truthful group told significantly fewer lies across the 10-week study, and by the fifth week, they saw themselves as more honest, Kelly said. When participants across both groups lied less in a given week, they reported their physical health and mental health to be significantly better that week.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 12
Very very good thx on that! But it makes sense to me The brain controls everything I guess the most people don't feel comfortable with lies even when then do that. The brain gives you the feeling that you done something wrong and effects your mental health
@edvc77 (2143)
• Philippines
24 Nov 12
It is right to be honest and say no if you think its bad for you. What you did was right. You can't call a friend who can lead you to doing what is bad and can't stand beside you. Be careful in choosing friends. God Bless
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 12
Yes that was really I stitch in my heart even that she saw that I didn't get rid of of him and he didn't give me a choice
@rockyk (160)
• India
24 Nov 12
Well, honesty is indeed important in my opinion. However, we should take care not to hurt someone else's feelings too. So, maybe what your friends were asking you to do is to be polite. I know he probably was being persistent which made you irritated. But still, one should try and hold one's irritation and be polite. So, be honest but please don't hurt someone else's feelings.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 12
I really tried to be polite But after four times and not understanding and getting rude I just had to tell him
@xqqzyu (12)
• United States
23 Nov 12
yea you're right,honesty is important in our life.Sometimes,honesty means consider more about others instead of speaking directly,not just telling the truth.If your truth will make guys not happy,why not change a way to express it?In my opinion,we should learn more about how to deal with relationship.It would make our life better.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 12
Yes I think when I am not able to give an direct answer what is that telling you about me? Why is she waiting to give me an answer is she coming up with a lie? The only reason when I don't respond right away is when I don't know an answer or I have to think about the question you ask me.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
23 Nov 12
Honesty is the best way. Even if you only have one good friend. Thats better than having 40 dishonest ones there. You are better off.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 12
That's right I agree with you! Thx
@joliefille (3696)
• Philippines
23 Nov 12
Hahah I have the same dilemma myself. I was quiet in my younger years and a people pleaser at that and rarely speak out my mind lest I hurt someone else's feelings. But I have learned the hard way that too much of that was not good, I led on some people and made them think it was comfortable with me to go along with them even when I wasn't feeling the activity or the company. You know what I realized now? I seem to be alienating some people who can't handle the truth. I guess that's good riddance, that I am making strides towards being more honest with myself.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 12
Very very good that is the right way to go I think!!! I am feeling much more comfortable with that
2 people like this
@crossbones27 (24055)
• Redlands, California
24 Nov 12
You have noticed that too. The thing is it seemed to hurt me more because I really can't stand lying as I am talking about when I deemed it necessary. I just thought about all those times people that said just be honest and everything will work out for the best, not really. I have learned its better to lie to the police because they will use your honesty in a court of law. Then your when your own lawyer tells you, "you told them that!" It was nothing to serious but I was just baffled at how the system really works. Thus this is why I learned "everyone lies" like House says. I know I should of just enacted my right to silence but that just drives me mad when I feel I am in the right.
• United States
24 Nov 12
Lieying brings my life out of balance also when my friend would want me to lie for them I would fail even a stranger would see that I am liying not only that I am flushing but sweating and the worse is my stomach ,I feel like throwing up My mother made a really good brain job with me So I rather stick with the truth
• Redlands, California
24 Nov 12
I think some things are just embedded in people and I would love to say its a good thing, but the older I get I am learning that it more or less comes down to who is the best manipulator. Hopefully that will change soon but I am not going to loose sleep over it. I guess we just have to become wiser and learn how we can not get ourselves into trouble and not lie at the same time. Its a lot easier said than done.
@SIMPLYD (88354)
• Philippines
24 Nov 12
Well, you are just saying what is in your mind and heart . However, what is risky about doing so , is that the guy might get even with you and your friends. It's good that he stopped after that. But maybe next time, you have to be subtle in telling people your honest opinion, because people have different ways of taking truths which sometimes hurt a lot.
• United States
24 Nov 12
He was just to drunk I guess and it was also not a big deal with him after he came the fourth time and started to get rude then I told him very nice but direct I don't like you and it was ok I was hurt cause my friend was ashamed for me cause I was so bad and told him that Now she rather goes alone then with me ok then
@SIMPLYD (88354)
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
I wonder why she took the hurt to herself so seriously, that she avoids you already. Maybe you can talk to her about it to clarify.
@betty1989 (752)
• China
26 Nov 12
I have the same feeling with you. i am also a straitforward person. i like telling the truth. i did not mean to hurt anybody. but ... anyway, honest is vital in our life.
• United States
26 Nov 12
That is ver true Betty thx for your respond
@roshigo58 (4870)
• Pune, India
26 Nov 12
Hi, There is nothing wrong in to be honest. Honesty is very important in our life. Honest people always have mental peace and satisfaction. God is always with them who are honest.
• United States
26 Nov 12
Thank you a lot
@buddha3 (1029)
• India
25 Nov 12
I too have had innumerable such examples in my life, but somehow I can't change my natural instinct of being honest. My habit of being open and honestly telling what I feel led my gf to breakup with me!! I'm still recovering from that now :( I do think a lot before saying something that may not go well with the opposite person, but sometimes I've no other go but to be straight and plain. In your case in the bar, I don't see any mistake from your side. He was clearly irritating you and trying to flirt, maybe. He should have kept quiet when you denied once. What you did was right. It depends on individuals. Your friend is not your type and hence she felt bad. That doesn't mean you go about tolerating such irritating people, right?
• United States
25 Nov 12
Thank you so much. I do think a little before I talk cause I don't wonne hurt someone! But in this case after three times telling him nicely that I don't want a drink I had to tell him the fourth time why And he finally understud
@zurichann (235)
• Philippines
25 Nov 12
I think I can relate to your situation. I have always been the type of person who will say whatever she thinks and whatever she feels. The only thing is, I'm probably not taking into consideration the impressions that my actions or words will leave to the person involved. Apparently, I can no longer take back whatever harm I have done. Right now, a special someone have made me realise this and is helping me to improve myself as a better person.
• United States
25 Nov 12
I like that you are a person who thinks about things and to be a better person in life I do that also and it makes me feel good every time when I am successful
• Philippines
25 Nov 12
Social graces dictates to avoid being offensive; however, there are instances that we really need to be brutally honest. In your case, I believe that it was an exception to this rule. The guy was already badgering you so it was just right to tell him off.
• United States
25 Nov 12
Thx for your comment but I agree wit you
@Asylum (48157)
• Manchester, England
24 Nov 12
I have always found this to be amusing. People will claim that they respect and prefer honesty, but only stand by claim if your honest opinion is what they want to hear. Society has grown so accustomed to the majority of people lying rather than risk causing offence that many people are incapable of accepting the truth. We all manage to give others fair reason to criticise us at times and I can accept this without taking offence that was not intended. sadly, I seem be to a member of the minority in this.
• United States
24 Nov 12
That is the point! I learned so much cause people doing critic on me and I really am thankful cause it keep me thinking and I could make changes when I thought they are right it just simply made me a better person But I am not willing to change into a puppet of my surrounding it would not be me anymore
@Arieles (2473)
• United States
24 Nov 12
You are right, honesty is always the best policy, but given that, it doesn't give anyone the right to be hurtful and condescending to anyone. Everyone deserves respect, and all situations should be handled in accordance to the seriousness of the situation. In the above situation as you described, you could have simply left it at "No thank, I am not interested in a drink." How can you make the statement, "I don't like you" when you haven't given the guy a chance? You can be polite and honest, without hurting or offending anyone. Sometimes, we have to look past the physical appearance and get to really know someone's character before making such a harsh statement.
• United States
24 Nov 12
Thank you for your statement here it gives me the chance to set things straight and what I missed to right! I really couldn't get rid of him I was very nice the first and the second time he came I told him I appreciate his offer but that I am not interested He was getting more drunk when the time past by the third time he grabbed my wrist and he ask me if I think that I am something better and that's why I don't wont his company. Of course not but I rather like to be alone When he came the fourth time it just got to much this time I grabbed him pulled him into a corner and said listen I don't like you And it worked Above I just wonne to make a long story short but it sounded like I am a evil witch with no heart well that's sure not the case
@Ahana123 (139)
• India
24 Nov 12
As we have read in books honesty is the best policy.One can lead a tension free life & be clear to oneself no matter what the world think of him. I do agree with your thinking. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
• United States
24 Nov 12
And thank you for this nice comment