Are you the favorite or the least favorite child?

Philippines
November 28, 2012 7:44pm CST
Hi! I grew up in a family of four. For 11 years, my father worked overseas. Sad to say, I have few childhood memories about him. My mother, on the other hand, was a stay-at-home mom. Though, she started working when my brother and I were on our late teen years. My brother is 30months younger than me. Being the eldest, my parents were stricter on me. I was the one who get scolded when I get into a fight with my brother. Why? Because I am "older" and I should’ve known better or "wiser". I was still scolded if something bad happened to my brother even though I have nothing to do with it or he did something stupid. I am partly responsible for his actions. I had the earliest curfew. I can only go to these places. I can’t be with my friends. I was a loner during my teen years. I seldom spent time with my family. My daily routine includes waking up, going to school, going home and staying at my room, eating dinner, going back to my room, sleep. But believe it, I never felt alone. In my imagination, I have my own perfect world. (Pathetic me!) This was the dark ages of my life. Having realized at an early age that I was the un-favorite child actually prepared me for the unfairness and responsibilities of the adult life. Yes, my parents tend to be more relaxed and confident with my brother. After all, they have mastered the art of discipline after the trial-and-error experiment they had with me. I accept it now; I am my parents’ guinea pig. At the back of my mind, I still think I am the un-favorite child. But in fairness to my folks, I know they love me. And upon reading this, they would probably say “We love both of you but in different ways.” So how about you, are you the favorite child or not (just like me)? Parents, care to share your opinions. Do you really have a favorite child?
4 people like this
21 responses
@chatoang (61)
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
What a nice topic you shared to us fellow my lotters. I can relate to your sentiments because I am also the eldest of the family of 7. I can't say I was the favorite even if I always has the first hand of everything. Of course (in my mind) because I am the first child. But it also have to go with the responsibilities being the first born in the family. That I have to be not only the model for my siblings but to be a good role model in everything I do. I thanked my parents for raising me that way because what I had learned with them was applied to my own family. As a mother of three wonderful kids everything turned out to be okey. Of course I credit it to my past experience and most especially to God for guiding me. So, if your parents raised you the way they did, just be thankful okey! Everything has it's reason, and don't fail to believe that your parents loves you very much. God bless!
2 people like this
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
Hi Chatoang! Thanks for the encouragement. You have a lot of siblings. I understand the pressure and responsibilities of being the first born. I know that your children will grow to be as fine as you want them to be because you have God to guide you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
That is very true klystron. The responsibility of being a good example to them is not only a pressure but a burden sometimes. I admit there are times that I disagree on allowing a favor on my next kin but because of my parents explanation I understood how it is to be the eldest. The same is through with my eldest son.So in everything I do especially with regards to my kids I submit it to HIM. There are times that i overdo in disciplining them having in mind the kind of discipline I went through from my parents. Of course my kids disagree saying that my time as a kid is different from theirs today. So, I prayed what to do. I was enlightened that parents today have to go the childs world. There and then I realized there are situations that they are right. By the way my kids are now ages 23,21 and 15.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Wow! I am really amazed on your parenting story. I am not yet a parent and to be honest I am still not thinking about it. I'll cross the bridge when I get there. Please extend my greetings to your children. I'm guessing that the first one is working, the second is in College while the last in High School. Am I right?
@MANJET (84)
• Malaysia
29 Nov 12
In my family, I am the only child and I am a male. I don't really have a blood related sibling to compared to. But I can still compare the love and care I got from my parents with those other kids received. I would say that my mom always hated me and treat me so bad that no child would imagine a mother would do that. On the other side, my father did show love and raised me quite well yet he is no longer with me now as I respond this discussion.
2 people like this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
I am so sorry to hear your loss. Your father is in a better place now. I've also heard some stories wherein a parent compares their child to other child. They like their child to be smart, well-behaved just like their neighbor's or friend's child. Sometimes they like their child to be better. This actually puts pressure on the child. He might feel that he always need to compare himself. I think you need to talk to your mother, especially right now that you only have each other. I'm sure your mother has her reasons.
@edvc77 (2143)
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
I have only one son. And I thank God for him and I realize too that I won't experience the thing called "favorites." I believe most of the parents have favorites. It does exist. Even during the old times written in the Bible, there were stories wherein parents had favorites. Like the case of Jacob and Esau and Joseph the Dreamer and his brothers. At this modern times, there are cases like that and they exist in most families. I'm second to the eldest and I can say that my parents love me but I'm not a favorite one. :-) Anyway, acceptance is a key to make everything smooth. I respect them and I can't do anything about it. I think that is part of life. Thanks for this discussion. God Bless
2 people like this
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
After readding your response, it reminded me of the stories in the Old Testament. Yes you are right, it seems that favoritism does exist way way way back. Thinking about it there's a reason why a parent chooses one child to be his favorite. That child might be more patient, charming, sweeter, more hardworking, smarter. There can be several reasons. In my case, I do agree that my brother is way more expressive than I am. He is more generous and he likes to give gifts to my mother. Possibly this is one of the reasons. When I was younger, I was always trying to compete for attention. I always wanted to win in every contests at school. I strive to be the brightest. I was also made to believe that this is the only reason why my parents are proud of me. Then as I grew older, maturer, I decided to accept the fact that my brother is the favorite child. I never really asked my mother about it. I know that she'll deny it but I am ok now. I mean, just like what you've said we just have to accept things and release ourselves.
1 person likes this
@Lovegreen (376)
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
There's no such thing in our family, I'm the eldest too but fortunately I didn't experience that kind of treatment from my parents. I also don't remember fighting with any of my siblings, yes I can't remember us fighting at all even up to now that we are all grown up. There's no favoritism issue and we all feel that our parents love us all equally. If I become a parent which I really hope to happen soon favoritism is something that will be a "never" in the family. It could really hurt a lot and won't go away as you grow up affecting your personality negatively. Opening this up to your parents might help a lot to clear your mind of questions. Maybe you have misinterpreted them for a long time.
2 people like this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Hi Lovegreen. Thank you for your suggestion but I think I'm OK now. I know my parents love me and I think that's all that matter. If I am really not the favorite child, I have learned to accept it. It was hard at first and I tend to be angry but I just learned to accept it as I grew older.
@ungu89 (2001)
• Malaysia
1 Dec 12
i don't think in my family, my parent treat us like that. i'm the elder from 5 siblings. for me they need to act differently, just because each of us have different character, and if we were treat as them same maybe this issues will be came out. but, i'm still happy with my parent, sometime can be so protective, sometime they just can accept what i want. especially if going somewhere like travelling, they just really difficult to get their permission, but sometime it easy. hehe . just look for the right time
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
Hi Ungu89! It's nice to hear that you didn't experience any favoritism in your family. I also agree with you on the "asking permission" part. Sometimes you really just have to find the right time and right mood of your parents.
@ungu89 (2001)
• Malaysia
4 Dec 12
haha u are right, if u find when the right time it easy, they just say yes. hehe. most the time i never had any difficulty to ask permission from them, maybe the just no that i know what i'm doing, where i go and with who.
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
Well, I am a grown up now so there are no issues if I'd like to go somewhere but I usually get loads of notes on what not to do whenever I told them I'm going to a certain place. When I was younger, they didn't allow me.
@ShyBear88 (18148)
• United States
29 Nov 12
My parents don't play favorites but they do prefer me over my brothers because I better behaved and I don't hide things from them all of the time. I'm a parent and I do not have favorites between my two kids. My daughter is 22 months old and my son is 3 month old. Some days I like one more then the other but I don't have and over all favorite at all. I enjoy both even when they irritate me to know means.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
I do sometimes think that my brother behaves better than me. He is more patient and more understanding when it comes to my mother's requests. Your profile makes me wonder whether that's your daughter or son. She/he looks so peaceful and cute.
@ShyBear88 (18148)
• United States
30 Nov 12
That is my son when he was 2 days old. I have to change the picture to some else soon.
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
I am now seeing a different photo.
@512771751 (1096)
• China
3 Dec 12
There are two children in my family. I have a little brother, but I think my parents take us equally. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@512771751 (1096)
• China
3 Dec 12
By the way, I want have two babies after I get married. And I will treat them equally. Haha...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
Nice to hear your story and dream.
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
Just like you I'm the eldest, the big sister. I have a younger brother. When we were kids I never felt that I was the least favorite child because my parents made me understand that my younger brother needed more attention since he was sick with leukemia at that time. But when we were in our teenage years & my brother was leukemia-free since he was five, I started feeling bad because I kinda felt that my mom loves him more than me & that makes me the least favorite child. Now that I'm older & more mature. I don't think so much about it & don't get affected, because I know in my heart that my mom loves me too.
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8357)
29 Nov 12
Some of my friends had disabled children and they had to give that child so much attention.But my friends always worried sick about the other children trying to love them as much.It is difficult when a child has special needs the other kids can feel left out.Don't feel bad you were a child and not able to think rationally.You should never blame a child for anything,never feel guilty.Just be pleased your brother is ok.Of course your mum loved you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Hi Easybreezyjussy! I am glad your brother is fine. I agree with Suzzy3, your mother loves you!
@al1979ex (125)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
im the favorite between me and my elder sister. but good thing my sister didnt showed any negative vibes against me. I just felt she's hurt whenever my parents gave priority and attention to me. she just silence herself but i know that sadness in her. good thing she held her patience, now we're both mature, and she didnt care all about it. i wish my parents didnt have to be that way.it favors me but i didnt felt good in that way
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
I understand your sister. My brother and I have good relationship. I wasn't angry with him. I didn't keep any grudges or negative feelings. It was really my parents' action that hurt me.
• Philippines
2 Dec 12
My parents don't have favorites. They love us all. Maybe, in some situations, children think that their parents have favorites especially when one or two of them get the most attention from their parents. It's probably because needs differ from one another as well as each character. When one needs help and the others don't, of course, the parents will help the one who is in need no matter how many times they have already helped him/her, but that doesn't mean that he/she is their favorite. Sometimes, parents scold one particular child everytime, but that doesn't mean that he/she is not their favorite. Because, when I was younger, I once told my mom what my brother did. I thought my mom would scold my brother, but she scolded me even if what my brother did was wrong. I felt bad 'coz I thought that my brother was my mom's favorite. But, the next day, I overheard my mom scolding my brother about it. So, I realized that my mom had no favorites. Most parents are like that. They may scold you but they would also scold your brothers and sisters without your knowledge. Being a mom myself, even if I have only one child, I believe that if I would have more kids, I would love all of them equally. Because, children are God's gifts that all parents should nurture with love and equality. A parent's treasure is his/her children. And, a child's love is the best reward a parent can receive.
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
I really like your answer. It gave me a different view on how my parents treat me and my brother.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
30 Nov 12
I am surely not the favourite child of my parents. I think it's my elderly sister. But if it comes to favourite I think none of us are. I don't think my parents really liked children, they just had them because it was "normal". I had a terrible childhood with a lot of abuse, beating ups with doglashes (chains and leather), whipes, etc etc. Not a safe home at all. We never had a holiday with our parents they dumped is at grandparents, uncles, aunts. Might be they preferred to be alone/together. I got the most beating ups. According to my dad the eldest had to be the most wise one. So everything my younger siblings did I had to pay for. BTW I was not the eldest, I had 1 elder sister but for some reason she was always more pampered and not the one who was punished. I do not have a favourite child. I love them all, they are different and special with great talents. I tell them daily they are my sweetest and I am so happy they are in my life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
I am so sorry to hear about your childhood experience and salute you in breaking the cycle. I've been hearing lots of abuses as well but there's still a part of me that doesn't believe. I just can't imagine a parent hurting his own child, his own flesh and blood.
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
29 Nov 12
For a while I thought and my friends thought that I was my parents' favorite until one day I got really scolded by my mother in front of my friends. So there. I changed my mind about me being the favorite.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Whoa! That is embarrassing! This is probably just a one time event. Now, I'm curious what did you do? Why did your parents scold at you?
• United States
29 Nov 12
It seems like you are writing my story here I really can feel with you These memories will be always there
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Yes it is! I can still remember those days. I will probably never forget it but like I've said it's just a matter of accepting everything.
@suzzy3 (8357)
29 Nov 12
Welcome to the club.My sister is two years older than me and she was born with a halo around her head.She was pretty,clever and able to wrap my dad around her little finger. We are in our fifties and she is still at it.I have had enough and will not try for approval anymore.I can remember having cheap shoes and clothes and because she went to the grammer school she had to have the best.My parents bragged about her in front of me telling everyone how clever she was.It does not get any better beleave me.I have my husband and children,grandchildren,friends who love me and that is enough for me.My home is always full of laughter and everyone is loved to bits.My dad reckons he loves me as well but my sister is brighter and like I say a light shines around her head,she knows it and makes the most of it.Don't worry get your own friends and loved ones,You are good enough and don't you dare let anyone tell you otherwise.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Hahahaha! Thanks! I think it is harder if your sibling has the same gender as you are. I mean the competition is tougher. You always have to prove yourself and be different. Probably that's the case between you and your sister. My brother and I are pretty close it's just that our parents have their eyes on my little bro.
@anil8837 (17)
• India
29 Nov 12
no i dont believe that parents favur any child deep down in their mind we all are equal
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
That's great! How many siblings do you have? Are you the youngest or oldest?
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
29 Nov 12
My parents treated all 4 of us equal, in everything we did and they did. Im glad they did. Im sure I wasnt the most popular. As I was outspoken. My brother and sisters were all quiet ones.
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Congratulations as you never felt there were favoritism in you family.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
29 Nov 12
I only have a younger brother, but really feel what you say. They were always stricter on me. My brother is only a year younger than me, however, if we did somnething wrong together, I was always the one who was scolded, because they said "you should know better, you're older!"... I didn't understand it back then, either. I was like 6, he was 5... because a 6 year old is that much wiser than a 5 year old... and he always got out of it, and I was the one who was punished. I also hated that I had to fight for everything I wanted to have, and when I finally got it, either they gave one to my brother (so we would not be sad :S) or gave my brother one earlier "because he asked for it". (And I didn't? NO.) Of course my parents say that they love me differently, but I still think the same. Especially as I'm a girl, and he's a boy, I was expected to do all the housework, help my mom, be tidy etc... and my brother was just eating and playing video games in his own room, and he was never disturbed... nor with the studying, I was expected to be a straight A student, while my brother was like that "the teacher wanted me to do an oral examination, I didn't want to, so I saked for the F without even trying", and he still didn't get as much of a scolding than what I got for bringing home a C from Physics... then his fave food was always prepared, mine NEVER (just because mine was a little bit messier)... I was kind of a loner, too, but I also had my little dream world, and I was writing stories. It might sound a bit silly, as I'm 23, but I still see my stuffed animals as anthropomorfic, like they understand what I say, and in my mind, they all have their little personalities... this actually helped my survive when I was a preteen, even in my teens :D. (like my tiny cat is a bit dumb, but really loveable and cute, my bear - my fave - is cunning, smart, deceptive, but caring as well, my owl fears hooting, my dog is simple and would always lick the others even though they hate it, my bigger cat who is a bit of an archnemesis (but in a cute way) to the bear and whom the smaller cat and the bear who are best friends always mock, my giraffee who loves sweets and is a bit dumb...)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Your story is almost like mine. My mother expected too much from me. I have to help my brother on his assignments and projects. If I decided to finish mine first, my mother will be angry and she'll ask me to choose between doing the dishes or helping my brother. Of course, I choose the latter, it's easier. Seriously, I was really mad and angry back then. I hated my life. I was like you have an imaginary family, imaginary friends. I can still remember my imaginary life. know my friends, my favorite hobbies. Just like you, it was my way of coping. I am now 26 and I've learned to accept everything. You'll get there. I know. You're strong.
@betty1989 (752)
• China
29 Nov 12
I only have one elder sister. So i am younger than my sister. Luckily, i am the favorite child in my family. If I make a mistake, my parents will first scold on my sister and ask why she cannot take care of me well? Actually, my sister is not three years older than me. she is just a child like me. I know clearly that my sister is also the favorite child in my family. Parents will buy new clothes for her. When my sister wear the clother near to old, she will give the old clothes for me. I do not want to wear but I have to because our family do not have enough money to buy new clothes for me.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Hahahaha! I know the feeling of being scolded because of the mistakes of my younger brother. It's a thing of the past now, I've learned to understand and accept things. Besides, my brother is too old now so when he's in trouble I don't get to be scolded on his mistakes. Well, I guess it's a case to case basis in your part. I mean when disciplining, your sister is the favorite one but when it comes to your clothes, you are the favorite one.
• India
29 Nov 12
I have one younger brother and one younger sister. My mother likes my younger brother and My father likes my sister. So undoubtedly i am the least favourite child. Anyway i have been adopted by my grandfather. So i have little issue
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 12
Well, at least your feeling the love from your grandfather. Have you talked to your parents about this?
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
29 Nov 12
I only have a younger brother, but really feel what you say. They were always stricter on me. My brother is only a year younger than me, however, if we did somnething wrong together, I was always the one who was scolded, because they said "you should know better, you're older!"... I didn't understand it back then, either. I was like 6, he was 5... because a 6 year old is that much wiser than a 5 year old... and he always got out of it, and I was the one who was punished. I also hated that I had to fight for everything I wanted to have, and when I finally got it, either they gave one to my brother (so we would not be sad :S) or gave my brother one earlier "because he asked for it". (And I didn't? NO.) Of course my parents say that they love me differently, but I still think the same. Especially as I'm a girl, and he's a boy, I was expected to do all the housework, help my mom, be tidy etc... and my brother was just eating and playing video games in his own room, and he was never disturbed... nor with the studying, I was expected to be a straight A student, while my brother was like that "the teacher wanted me to do an oral examination, I didn't want to, so I saked for the F without even trying", and he still didn't get as much of a scolding than what I got for bringing home a C from Physics... then his fave food was always prepared, mine NEVER (just because mine was a little bit messier)... I was kind of a loner, too, but I also had my little dream world, and I was writing stories. It might sound a bit silly, as I'm 23, but I still see my stuffed animals as anthropomorfic, like they understand what
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
29 Nov 12
I didn't even push submit key on it... okay... weird things happening on mylot...
• Philippines
30 Nov 12