Be naïve just to save the marriage....

@Shavkat (43865)
Philippines
December 20, 2012 9:47am CST
Would you be naïve that your partner is having an affair? The reason, you don't want to break the relationship for the sake of loving him or her. So it is fine that your partner is cheating you.
1 person likes this
35 responses
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
22 Dec 12
Someone who is having an affair doesn't see you as enough for him. Why should you waste your time on people who do not see the value of your relationship, sure you may love the person but it takes two to tango. He's not the best one in line for you, it's a sign that it isn't working out and we all have to move on with our lives. Let's not waste time, the world has much to offer.
2 people like this
@bellis716 (4807)
• United States
22 Dec 12
I understand that in some conutrias that it is OK for a man with money to have both a wife and a mistress. I don't think I could tolerate that kind of arrangement, but some women do. Sometimes it can be because that it was a marraign arranged for political reasons.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
22 Dec 12
Nope, I wouldn`t turn my head away and pretend like it was nothing. I would make the world hear what type of scum he is, then fling him out the door.
2 people like this
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
No, not ever. If he's cheating on me, we'll be done forever. Why do i have to suffer for his stupidity? Suffer because I love him? But what about him? He should have thought of me and our relationship before he even cheated on me, right?
@lady1993 (13032)
• Philippines
27 Dec 12
No, not at all. I think each person deserves to be with someone who truly loves and respects the person, and that person alone. I would confront my partner about it and we'll talk it out, if he really loves me, he will not do it again.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24804)
• Australia
24 Dec 12
If one partner is cheating it means that things are not right in the home. If one partner is cheating look for the other partner withholding love, co-operation, communication or something else. Some people are so selfish they think only of themselves then when the partner cheats they lay blame at their door instead of taking some of the responsibility.
1 person likes this
• Marikina, Philippines
24 Dec 12
I think that is what we called martyr. They are too martyr for their partner and its not healthy at all. Well, people have different characters. Maybe that person is happy to be martyed even their partner is cheating- because they give too mush selfless love. Love without expecting any return.
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
23 Dec 12
No that would not be fine for me. We all deserve for the person we are with to be faithful to us. When that trust is betrayed it is hard to get back. It is hard for us to let ourselves trust that person again even if we may want to. Hopefully though I will never have to experience that because I can imagine how heart wrenching it would be.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
It's not fine for me that my partner cheated on me. I don't accept the fact that because I love her so much I accept whatever she does onto me. I don't like to stay on that kind of marriage which is full of deceit...
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
The word deception is a very strong impact to their partners, especially if they are cheating for how many years.
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Yup! This is what I mean, friend. I experience to be deceive twice and it hurts because depression will be affect us.
@Erynn14 (359)
• Malaysia
21 Dec 12
I would definitely try my best to try it out. Investigate on that to find out whether it is really true that he is having an affair or not. But for me, it depends most probably. If we already have kids, I might be naive and forgive him once. If he cheated me the second time, of course, we are done! There's nothing between us anymore since he cheated on me which is showing that he do not love me anymore. What is the use on saving the marriage when he doesn't love you and cheated on you? That will only lead to a sad marriage and someday, somehow both husband and wife might divorce in the end.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
There will be a resentment at first, but if it happens again; that's really enough.
@Erynn14 (359)
• Malaysia
22 Dec 12
Yep. It will only get worst if we keep forgiving such a 'man' who called themselves a 'man'. And for the girl who attracted to him, it is actually her lost since if a 'man' would do such things to his wife for the first time, then when it comes to that girl or women who became his wife, he might eventually did the same.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
20 Dec 12
I would not be naive about an affair. If I had proof and I knew my husband was cheating, that would be the end. Cheating is not something I will tolerate. Staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids or to keep someone from leaving me is ludicrous. If he wanted to be with me, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. No, it is not fine if my partner is cheating on me. I have to much self respect to allow that to happen.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
Women should be respected, if there is really a problem. Talking is not hard especially if you really wanted the marriage to work out.
@Arieles (2474)
• United States
20 Dec 12
So true
@pomwango (1355)
• Kenya
21 Dec 12
i think its pointless to be naive because it will encourage him to go on and you will just be hurting its better to face the situation and deal with it,i would rather break the marriage than be made a fool of.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
I am sure, if a woman remain naive, the husband will think it is fine.
• China
21 Dec 12
As for me I can not accept that,if my partner is having an affair then I will ask for why because I can not stand it,if I can not accept the reason then I will break up with her,and as a boy I can not be naive with that.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
It is a good thing the main reason why. If it is not acceptable, then decision will laid down in cards, ether to continue or not.
@mtdewgurl74 (18122)
• United States
21 Dec 12
If my husband cheated on me that would be the end of the relationship. No take backs, no second chances. You might think that as cold hearted but in my situation it isn't. I would never cheat on my husband and I expect the same commitment from him as well. So no cheating is not fine with me.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
You are really strong my friend. I am sure your husband is so very loving and cares for you. Thanks
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
21 Dec 12
Being naive in a marriage with a cheating spouse is another way for someone to go in denial. I have heard to many stories like this! People just won't or want to believe the other person is cheating! It is not a good idea but lots of people do it! I would dumb the guy lickity split if I found out he cheated on me! Cheating means you don't love or care about your spouse. It is disrespectful,disgusting and so wrong,too!
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
Some people will take it in denial. Eventually when they are in acceptance stage, they will have the biggest decisions of their lives.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
I do not think that any person could just be silent about it no matter how much they would want to. It is something that is hard to deal with and I think any person would just explode upon knowing this is happening to their own spouse. I will never tolerate such situation. He has choose- either our family or the other person.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
For person to conceal the feelings, I agree it will burst when they are overloaded.
• St. Peters, Missouri
20 Dec 12
To me, it's a simple equation. Marriage=love. Love=trust, kindness, consideration, respect. Someone who cheats is not showing respect, consideration of my feelings, or kindness toward me. I would have a difficult time trusting this person. Without these things, there is no love. Without love, there is no marriage. I would love to say I would turn a blind eye. I would forgive and forget. I would turn the other cheek to save the marriage. But I know in my heart, I would never be able to trust him again. How can I love someone I don't trust? How can I be married to someone I don't love? Why would I be married to someone I don't love? I tried this for 14 years. My belief was that I was staying for my daughter. In the end, I was miserable. I was unhappy and never wanted to be at home. When we were together, we fought. How can that be better for my daughter? No, in the end we have to be true to ourselves.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
I have the same principles in life, respect and honest. If the person cannot handle that, then end of the talking and move forward.
@vandana7 (56834)
• India
20 Dec 12
I think most people try to look the other way at first. It is at first, a) dont want to look like a mistrusting person, what if it were not true...the relationship would break down. So wait and watch. b) He / she is having affair. So...what would happen to me and kids if I walk out...nothing. He would resume his life may be. Me and/or kids would suffer. Hopefully, he would get over it. c) I know he is not happy with me, and if I dont look the other way, the marriage is on rocks anyway. I might as well let him have his way, and keep the marriage alive because of its social and economic advantages. All above reasons are wrong reasons. But even marriage counselors would advise that if it is possible, ignore such things. Honestly, we need to accept. It is not guaranteed that in another relationship, it would not happen. So we might as well stay in the current one, and improve it.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
If the relationship can still be saved, then find ways to work it out.
• Greece
20 Dec 12
I'm not going to allow my partner to cheat on me. I may forgive him or give him a second chance but not immediately. It would be after a very long time because if he really loves me, he will not cheat on me.
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
It takes more time to give another chance, right?
@savypat (20248)
• United States
20 Dec 12
Each relationship is complacated, there can be many reasons to stay together. Women all over the world accept a cheating partner and each has her own reasons. Before this happened to me I would have said never, no way, but reality of 3 small children and no schooling to earn a wage made me humble, it wasn't just my ego involved. Best to make no judgements .
@Shavkat (43865)
• Philippines
21 Dec 12
Some people who are being martyr continue their relationships with a cheater husband. It could be financial matter to support their kids.