Dating with baggage ..

@laken02 (3067)
United States
January 3, 2013 8:08pm CST
we all have issues in our life, some we like to talk about others we dont.. my question is if you started talking to a guy or girl u have never met but you instantly clicked online and on the phone.. and they felt the same .. and you have some baggage , would you tell that person on the phone before you met or wait until you meet in person and then tell them..
2 people like this
14 responses
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
4 Jan 13
Well, I think that it is best to tell the truth right away. I mean, why hide something that is part of your life. If that person could not accept it, then he/she is not the right person that you would want to be with.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3067)
• United States
4 Jan 13
you are so right about that .. and that is why i knew i should go ahead and tell him.. i was just wondering if i should tell him voer the phone or in person since we have never met.. so last night when he called i told him everything. and he is ok with it.. so im glad i do like him alot and hope we continue to grow close.. thanks again
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
5 Jan 13
It is better to be honest from the very start than be sorry later on. Good thing that he is a good person, too. Good luck!
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
4 Jan 13
I think Id tell him right away.. better to be honest from day one. its the best way. Good luck with that. Have a great day there..
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3067)
• United States
4 Jan 13
thanks i did tell him.. and he is ok with all of it.. and he still wasnts to talk. so i feel good about that because i really like him alot.. and its always hard for me meeting someone new...because i have bi polar and that was some of the baggage i was talking about .. thanks again
@sriroshan (2586)
• India
4 Jan 13
You are correct sometime with some sort of interest we feel like talking on the phone or chatting online with the certain person for some or no reason at all. This may be because we create some sort of bonding between us and feel like sharing something with each other casually or seriously.
@laken02 (3067)
• United States
4 Jan 13
thanks, what i was trying to say was i met a new guy and would like to date him but we hve not met yet only talked on the phone and i have bi polar that is my baggage and i was'nt sure if i should wait and tell him when we meet or on the phome before.. but i did tell him last night over the phone and he is ok with that.. so it all worked out.. thanks again
@celticeagle (117919)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Jan 13
I think it depends on what the baggage is and what type of person you have met. If you know this person would have a problem with it I would tell them. Like if they have stated anything about their thoughts on the subject of your 'baggage' it is only fair to bring this up to them and let them decide how to proceed. But if it is like having kids or something basic I would think you would have told them that already. If not you should. SOme get attached rather easily so I think it is only fair to let a person know all that stuff a head of time. That way you don't expell emotions on someone who can't handle the real you. The real you being the one with all the baggage out on the table.
@JohnRok1 (2051)
4 Jan 13
I thought, when I saw your discussion title, that you were setting out to date with a person you already considered baggage - I don't think that's the best start to a relationship. However, I see that's not what you meant. I think you would need to tell the person if you did not have baggage ... and then he would know you were a liar.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 13
A lot depends on what kind of baggage the person has. I have been always told not to give out all the details about the past to a new person. One thing no one ever mentioned was that the more positive details we give out the more we will be happy in our new relationship. It is hundred percent better to not gossip about how bad our ex's were. I actually did experience its good effect. Anything negative can backfire at us. Remember the mission of the new person is to judge us for themselves. They want to know whether we are good or bad people. But yes, saying upfront that we are carrying baggage is never going to be taken okay by them unless they are highly emotional. Another thing my friend told was that we should never reveal to new people that we were cheated. If mentioned then we will again get cheated, but this time by them.
1 person likes this
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
5 Jan 13
Hi laken, More and more people are falling in love online but let me tell you be very careful for falling in love online because world is full of cheaters and back stabbers. people would play with your emotions and then probably might run off with your money and much more. We read a lot on papers about these. But if you are sure of your love then I feel you should tell your lover right now what ever is the baggage before he finds from some other source or he thinks you hid things from him
• Philippines
10 Jan 13
Reality is,everyone has some kind of baggage of some sort.May it be kids,ex wife or ex boyfriend etc.NOw,if this is someone u want to fall in love and bring into your life and you dont care one way or onother, u still need to set bounderies.It is the woman who will decide wether or not she will take the comflications into her world.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
5 Jan 13
With the advent of net and social sites and chat messengers, the world has become very small. Now people meet from different parts of world and converse and likely to fall in love. Love my be offline or online, the rules remain the same. You should never hide things which can effect your relationships. Sooner you tell is better because if it makes couple break up, it breaks before the emotions are too deep.
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
5 Jan 13
You can tell them right away. With Internet friends, we can have a certain kind of honesty that we can allow ourselves when we neither see a person everyday or when you don't share a common history. And besides its good to be yourself if you want another person to love you for you. You can't construct a perfect version of yourself to present to them. It doesn't exist and they don't want that. If ever you tell them your baggage and it doesn't work out, then, it will never work out. Maybe their part in your life ends there and you've accumulated every experience and memory you needed from them coming into your life, that's not a bad thing, life is lived by you, and a few people will parade in it and share with you experiences that might change you and make you a better person.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
4 Jan 13
That is hard to say..sometimes you can just feel when the time is right...and that would be the time to do it...whether it be online or in person.
@farjun (135)
• Israel
4 Jan 13
wait wait wait! never tell a guy that you have 3 kids on the phone! mabye on the first or second date.. first get to know each other
@marguicha (92241)
• Chile
4 Jan 13
I read this after I answered your other post. And a relation is something that grows little by little. I read in your other post about your baggage and I bet everyone of us has something or other that is more difficult to tell another person. Don`t worry, we love you. Why not him?
@Angelpink (4023)
• Philippines
4 Jan 13
If we are getting close and i can find him trust worthy then why not share my baggages. I believed friendship is sharing not only the beautiful things but also the ugly ones , the baggages . If you will just share the good ones that means you are not that real and just impressing the person but if you share the flaws , the rotten side of you that means you are a real , genuine friend having a pure heart. Dating with baggages is the most beautiful one because both of you uncovering yourself which means trust is there existing .
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
4 Jan 13
I think I would wait until after we have talked for awhile before I start to have such serious conversations. After all I really don't know how far things will go. So I see that things are going in a direction that we would both be comfortable with then I could see talking with that person about my life and it's problems more so.