How to help an addict person?

@Daisy_22 (1230)
Philippines
January 14, 2013 5:42am CST
We are three in the family.My older brother,me and my younger sister.I am now professional so with my sister but my brother doesn't even graduate from elementary grade.Ever since he is considered to be the black sheep in the family. He always find trouble in school at his young age he was being expelled and he gets worse now. He went to the wrong way as they said. He was into different vices due to the different environment he had been. He always stow away from the house.We hope that he will changed because we never lack to give love to care and to support his needs. However all this things seems nothing to him. he never value us as her family members, He is so selfish thinking only about his self.Nowadays he will just suddenly came up and ask for money.If we will not give he will find trouble. He was already in prison twice.What should we do?Sometimes I really feel pity for him since blood is still thicker than water.
9 people like this
21 responses
@rotloi2 (321)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 13
He don deserve to be part of the family. He never consider himself to be. He is selfish. He got trouble, He does not solve it or try to understand it. Are you still love the guy who become so overwhelm wrong? blood thicker than water?? if you help him, he stir more trouble with other family member. The only way could be the divine intervention.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
23 Jan 13
Probably you can only say that because you are not in my position.Honestly there are times my mind keeps on mandating me to stop thinking and caring him because he never give anything to the family only embarrassement but then my heart keeps pleading to feel worry about him.Then I now realized that blood is really thicker than water.
@timetravel (1428)
• United States
14 Jan 13
the first thing to remember is that addiction is a disease. He needs treatment, but the treatment needs to be voluntary on his part. He knows you all love him, that is why he returns to you time and again to get what he wants. Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to let go. Blood is thicker, yes, but he is an adult and responsible for his own behavior. You could try the old, "I can't give you money, but I can help you find a way to earn some of your own." In the meantime, if he is really struggling with addiction issues, get some information and leave it around for him. You can't force him to change - or even to want to change - but you can leave information for him to read and look at on his own. Buy him a meal, get him something to wear, but do not give him money. I hate to say it but some people are born like that - expecting life to hand them whatever they want without having to earn it. Usually all that can be done in those cases is extreme behavior modification programs that reward correct behavior.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
14 Jan 13
You need to conduct an intervention. Where all the family members come together and tell him that you all love him and that he needs help or he will die very young. If he refuses you guys need use tough love tactic, tell him that you will not be there for him. That you will not help him with money and that he really needs to leave the house and live somewhere else. If he agrees to help you guys need to find a program that will help him get his life back on track. However, he needs to want to do this. If he doesn't care or love himself enough he will continue on the life path that he has choosen for himself. Which is a downhill spiral to hell. It is a shame especially that he never graduated even from elementary school. I hope you can get him the help he needs before its too late.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
23 Jan 13
Actually he is saying that he's tired already and he is very willing to die anytime.He seems to be suisidal anymore.This is already his second life but he still didn't value it all.
@olliekobra1 (1826)
14 Jan 13
It is understandable that you want to help your brother and that you support him as much as you can. Maybe you can sit him down and tell him how you feel this may make see how his actions have an major impact on his family. If that fails maybe you can seek proffesional help such as councilling, hopefully you can sort it out good luck.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
23 Jan 13
I never lose hope but the probability of possible changes is very little.We've actually done that but we haven't decided yet to seek professional help for it might make him think he is already crazy.
@prashu228 (25520)
• India
14 Jan 13
ohh i feel so sorry . I heard some one saying that every family has a black sheep and so far i found it to be true. I think time will cure all things and they will change according to the time decided by the almighty. But yes meanwhile we have to face all those troubles caused by them as you said blood is thicker than water yes it is so we cannot ignore it/them. Hope he will be a changed person soon.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
23 Jan 13
I thought before it's only a saying but it really do exist in our situation right now.Frankly speaking I myself believe that he couldn't change in the future. It'snot being judgmental but he is really very dependent into it.
• India
14 Jan 13
Honestly, it really is pitiful. I think he needs to find something he is really good at. Though, basic education is important, school is not necessarily good for everyone, some people just need to find something that really suits them. Maybe he is good in some art. Or work that can earn him money and he's good at it. You can help him by finding the appropriate job for him. Maybe he's having a depression, you can also help him by knowing his problems.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
23 Jan 13
I agree to you, Education is not necessary. Indeed there are companies who are hiring workers without education as long as it is experience to the field.Well I can say that in general educated or illiterate if become an addict is just the same.Some worse problems arises in wealthy families.
• India
27 Jan 13
I am sorry to hear this, now a days here in our country too, gals are toppers in exams but most guys are just average, since he is your brother you have to help him, talk to him about this when he is in good mood, yes blood is thicker than water dear. Thanks for this nice discussion.
@else22 (4319)
• India
24 Jan 13
All you can do to help him is to inspire him to quit his addiction.And you would certainly have a hard time to do so.Making an addict ready to quit his addiction is not easy.It's up to you what strategy you adopt to get him ready.Once he gets ready to quit his addiction,it is time for you to enthuse him.Give him some nice books to read,convince him that his health is improving and his face is looking more attractive etc etc.Try to make him drink more water and take some physical exercises. I think,the most difficult part of this strategy is inspiring him to quit his addiction.
• Mexico
17 Jan 13
Hi Daisy: Your story is really sad. I hope that your brother will find his own way to overcome this terrible situation that is destroying him. It's natural that you suffer for him. You are her sister after all. In my opinion the best way you can help him is just listening and trying to share time with him. If you can't find the words, try to write him an email and tell him that you know that his problems are serious and that he can count on you. Pray with him. That's another way to make him feel that he is not alone. ALVARO
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
15 Jan 13
Hi Daisy, He really needs to get professional help but never cease to love him and be there for him. It is difficult to know what to do as he no doubt has convinced himself that he has to do these things, that the world is against him. If he can get professional help at a young age there is hope that he will turn out okay. Blessings.
@Pegasus72 (1901)
15 Jan 13
You need to practice tough love and if he did time then he has to have a parole officer you need to let them know what is going on, and if they are done with their probation officer then you need to contact the atthorities and get him some help, sounds like he may need a third round.
@daDaize (215)
• Austria
15 Jan 13
I have 2 cousins who have both 1 son that is..hmm well let's say, that didn't graduate elementary. They both had difficulty to followup on what was being taught so they stopped attending. One found his help in god, serving now in a church group/you fra (you as pinay maybe know the meaning,but I don't)..he's not aggressive&it seems those friends he made there are quite nice. The other one has a very strict mom.He is usually very aggressive,doesn't mind the abuse,etc but as soon as his mother entered he was silent and obedient. Don't always give him money just because he asks, as it will be burned into his brain that if he continues doing that, you will give.Maybe he needs to change enviroment,or a group that he can devot to..but actually, whatever you do or say..he would probably not change&in his eyes...it's maybe you that needs the help.
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
15 Jan 13
It is very hard to have a family member who has an addiction it is very detrimental for the whole family every one blames themselves because they think they fail this person somehow! but at the end of the day no one fail him but he fail himself! this person is now in rehab for the 4th time is he going to make it? I hope so! and yes I feel pity for him because he is wasting the best years of his life!
@Mavic123456 (16303)
• Thailand
15 Jan 13
well, he needs to be rehabilitated. he is fortunate to have such good and understanding family like yours. and really this is very sad. and his future family will bear also what he is now if he will not change. He might need professional help.
@artemeis (4069)
• China
15 Jan 13
I think you may want to understand him from another perspective which is coming from the fact that he is an ex-con with a blemished track record. I don't think it is easy for him to get back or even integrate back into the society without undergoing undue discrimination from other people. Try to find out what is really happening with him and it might be that he is unable to get a job because of his criminal record. Not forgetting, that his self-confidence might have been greatly affected from the beating he is getting outside. It is a fact that no one wants to fall into anybody's bad book but there are reasons behind and we need to approach it and deal with it accordingly. We do not know what happened can be an excuse for our failures here. Try to be objective and look at the issues from a wider and different angle. Engage a counseling professional if you must because there's so much limitations one can do. Talking about things is a start but what follows is certainly equally important. Being the same with the outside majority would not help but would be the same like pushing your brother away.
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
15 Jan 13
Having pity for a family member does not mean you give them money. You seek help for them would be a lot better for them. You can see if he will talk to a counselor or a therapist or a minister, someone who will professionally help him. But to give him money will make him worse and that will not really be helping him at all. If you love him, you need to help him, not hinder him.
@celticeagle (121038)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 13
Orcourse you and your family love your brother. But he is not doing well for himself or making good choices. If you help him he would just continue along the same track. But if you put up some very definite boundaries. Don't give him money or help him by loaning him a car or other things like that. Tough love is just that--tough! He needs to spend his time finding a job, or getting some kind of training. He needs to show you and the rest of your family that he is going to be responsible. If you are continually helping him he won't do anything to help himself.
• Philippines
14 Jan 13
You have shown your love to him the best way you can, now do the reverse, pretend that you don't care. Sometimes loving to much if not caring too much is hazardous what is too much is not good. You can't change him. It was his choice. Don't feel pity for him. He is happy for what he was doing let him feel the agony of defeat. Pity for yourself and family members move on, don't let yourself imprison on caring for somebody who don't understand the way of life as a family member. move on save what you can save for your family. Sacrifices is part of human nature.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
14 Jan 13
It can be such a difficult challenge to help anyone who is addicted to a substance. Being supportive and srong for them is a good pace to start. Showing them where to get and accept help is the next step. We cannot take the addiction away for them. They have to want to do it for themselves/ Having someone to lean and depend on just may be the encouragement they need to succeed.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
14 Jan 13
sorry to tell you.. they need to help themselfs. Addiction of anything is a bad thing. Untill they decide to stop.. it wont happen. Just be there for him.