My Married Life at 10 Months

Philippines
February 15, 2013 10:10am CST
It has been 10 months since I got married. My married life has been a chaos. We had a good and bad scenarios every now and then. We still have the lack of responsibility. I know for myself that at times, I act as if I am single. But I am not. I still feel bad getting up in the morning to prepare food for him when the truth is I still want to sleep because I am tired from work. I still hate doing his laundry, but I have no choice. I guess this is something common to newlyweds, especially for women who have their career to focus on besides her family. I wish things would be different for us and I hope that we reach the maturity level we need to have a stable married and family life.
4 people like this
22 responses
@Janurmas (645)
• Indonesia
15 Feb 13
It is a marriage life. It is also common for the woman to serve the husband. But if the problem is you are busy and tired of your work, I think it is better to hire a helper for your household. In my country, most of working couples are hiring helper to help their household works. Your marriage age is still young. If you don't willing to hire helper, you need to adjust yourself in serving your husband.
2 people like this
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
16 Feb 13
I think getting household help would really help with the chores. However, these days, it's difficult to look for one. We've been help-free for over a year now, it's really tough specially because we're all working. But heck, we can't complain. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
I am trying my best to be a good housekeeper even though I am tired from work. But there are times when I'm really tired and I have to do the laundry and my husband is lying around playing with our laptop. It gets to my nerves most of the times
1 person likes this
@jagjit273 (1740)
• India
15 Feb 13
Its is the biggest draw back or side effect of married life, that you have to live your own life, the other's way. Its just starting phase, let you have the kids, then it will be more funny. But to get something you have to lose something. The things you mentioned are small adjustments. I hope everything else is fine. Have a happy married life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
Thanks for the advice. I know things would work out for the two of us. I just need to tell someone or share my troubles as a career woman/ homemaker. It helps lessen the burden and I appreciate words of encouragement and advises I get from those who read my thoughts.
1 person likes this
@jagjit273 (1740)
• India
18 Feb 13
You can share with me anything, you want too. Lets be friends.I will always be here to listen you
1 person likes this
@Bhebelen14 (5206)
• Philippines
15 Feb 13
I think this is a normal scenario in a married life, i understand how you feel because I've been in that situation before. The first year of my married life was very unstable and they always a small fight almost everyday. Good thing we both learned to adjust and became more responsible in our relationship after a the first year. My husband always helping me in doing the household chores including laundry and cleaning the house because he understood that I am working too and I need his help in our house. i think you should talk to you husband and discuss about the household chores because you can not do it alone especially if your working. Marriage is a team work and need to help each other to make it work. This year might be the most crucial in your married life because of the adjustment period but later on it will be the best foundation of your married life in the future. good luck.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Feb 13
My husband always helping me in doing the household chores including laundry and cleaning the house because he understood that I am working too and I need his help in our house. exactly! you can't have it both ways because it's unfair to the other person. the sooner they talk about it and work out how to help each other the better.
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
My husband believes that in a husband and wife relationship, the woman is the one responsible in taking care of household chores. I am trying to change or at least open his mind set about this. We always argue about this issue, so I guess the best way is to address this problem slowly. I know we can work this out.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
Keep working on it. It's hard because you are still adjusting. Don't give up. If you are tired of doing laundry, you can try a washing machine to save more time and energy. Just make sure that you can handle the increase in your electrical bills. You can also hire help if it becomes too much. Hang in there.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56566)
• Delhi, India
19 Feb 13
Good advice. I appreciate it.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
18 Feb 13
living together or married, I heard the same thing happening now that you live under the same roof then you share responsibility for the house have a talk with him. if he doesn't want to, keep trying anyway. I do most house chores, but that's because I don't work full time when I worked full time, I also did house chores but only if I wasn't tired or I didn't work over time
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 13
I am living with my fiance , we both start living together the minute we started college over 2 years and I love it nothing has change except we have to take care of each other no more mama and papa . I think every couple should share house chores it doesnt matter what . I dont think it would be nice for him are I doing all the work by ourselves even if one of us is not working . Its more fun together and things get done faster.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56566)
• Delhi, India
19 Feb 13
Hi Jo! It happens with everyone and take it that you are not an exception. It is difficult to adjust in the new environment so soon. It takes time. If you get tired and need some help, please ask your partner to help you. Tell him that it gets very difficult for you to single handedly manage all the house hold affairs.
1 person likes this
@djoyce71 (2512)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
You're husband and wife already. Well, adjusting is a part of marriage. It's your responsibility as a wife to take care of the home and family while your husband is working to provide for the family. But since you're also working, I guess you would need a helper to help you with the chores. I think you should talk and resolve your little problems. Be happy in doing things for your husband. That's love.
1 person likes this
@silverfox09 (4727)
• United States
18 Feb 13
Wow that sound so awful only 10 months and things are that bad . Its better to make a change now and not get him get too comfortable with you always serving him . Everything should be 50/50 . Let him make breakfast sometimes , cook dinner , do laundry etc share everything . That is how I do things with my fiance , we are both lazy and both work and whenever I am home and OI just want to sleep he would just cook and do all the dishes and whenever he is tired I do the same are we do everything together that way we have company . If you are both doing the dishes are one of you cooking while the other do the dishes it takes a lot of pressure off you because you can chat and finish things faster together . You have a choice , we are not in the stone age , dont work yourself to sickness . That is not common for newlyweds , its common for our great grand mothers and even they weren't happy and that is why we have it better today. Did you ever talk about these things before getting married ?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
I am sorry to hear that you seem struggling with your first year of marriage. I got married May of last year, it's our 9 months of marriage. I still feel that sometimes I feel like I am still single. I don't get used to wake up in the morning to cook food but to tell you honestly I don't feel the same way as yours. Although it is tiring to cook for him but I like it every time I do it. We both do the laundry however these days I really can't do the laundry work so I just bring our dirty clothes to the laundry shop. I realized that when we got married, I want to be really responsible.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
17 Feb 13
Men never do house work like women do. Never. If you leave this guy, and marry someone new, he won't do house work either. This is normal. Second, both of my parents worked. So my mother never got up to make food for my father. Your husband, had parents. If his mother routinely got up and made food for his father, then he will expect you to do the same, not because he's insensitive to you working, but because that's what he grew up used to. People have expectations based on how they grew up. Third, working at a job, and working at home, can wear you out. Women who work a job, also work at home. This is normal. You have two options. You can either accept the fact that you are going to work a lot... or you can quit your job, and get a part time job. A part time job will pay less... but then you won't be worn out. My mother worked 5 days a week, and did all the house work. She was tired a lot. This is normal. The chance that you are going to find a man, who will work a full time job, and do all the work around the house, is extremely rare. If you leave this guy, and get another guy, he will likely do the same thing, and you will end up doing the house work again. This is normal. If your focus is on your career, then what you are going through now, will be how it is for the rest of your life. Couple of tips. Don't try and change the other person. It won't work, stop that. *ASK* your husband for help if you need it. DO NOT assume he will magically know you need help. *ASK MORE THAN ONCE*. Do not ask him one time, and think that's all you need. If you ask him to do something *DO NOT* complain about how he does it. He's not going to do it the way you do. He's not you. Lastly... be happy. BE HAPPY. Make a choice to be a happy person. Life isn't perfect. Life isn't a movie. Life isn't a romance novel. Your husband isn't perfect, and never will be, and neither are you. CHOOSE to make the best of it.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Feb 13
Its more or less the same story a majority of married people have. It happens because of the sudden increment in the responsibilities and the lack of freedom. We cant get away from it as its a vital part of our life and the bes thing to face it is that we should understand each other and their responsibilities
1 person likes this
16 Feb 13
I tell myself before that I have no fear of anything. But as I grow older and mature enough to realize what really life is. I am afraid of having a responsibility like having a relationship, having husband and kids and having a family of my own. You are strong lady the moment you decide of getting married. And I believe you will be.
1 person likes this
@theselan (74)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 13
i have a simple solution for this, my dear friend, Joie. Why don't you hired a maid for this jobs and tell it straightforward to your husband that you are tired of working and not able to take care some of this household things. You can get a peaceful sleep while repairing your relationships. Hiring a maid can be expensive and you both can share your income to save your marriage. This solution might help you. All the best.
• India
16 Feb 13
things will get better by understanding and accepting more responsibility. but If you really can not work then you can ask for a maid. you should feel free to share about what you want to do and what you do not want to do , to your husband and with talking about the problem you and your husband can find better way to solve it that both of you feel better and live better. for everything there is solution.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
16 Feb 13
Married life is hard to deal with. It takes time before you could really get used to it. But just remember that you have each other to face all the problems together ans help solve each issues you might come across with.
1 person likes this
@jdawg011 (505)
• Canada
16 Feb 13
Hm, strange. He makes you do his laundry? When I am married, I am sure I will do most of my own laundry, dishes, and a lot of my own cooking as well. Times have changed, you don't have to serve the husband anymore, especially if you are a working woman. If you didn't have a job, then it would be very understandable that you would need to help in the house while he was working. Hope things go well!
1 person likes this
• China
16 Feb 13
Things will be all changed when you had got married,so I think you have no choice but get used to it. But back to your case,since you need to work all days long so why not you share your housework with your husband?Because he should do the breakfast for you some days,I think you should have a long talk with your husband.
1 person likes this
@edvc77 (2143)
• Philippines
16 Feb 13
There are really lots of responsibilities when you are married already. It is entrirely different from singleness. You have to consider your role as a wife and have to adjust. When you become a mother it is another level and added responsibility. Just put on love on whatever you are doing. I mean love, sacrifice, and care for your family.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
15 Feb 13
My husband and I lived together before marriage which I think helped us a lot. I have always wanted to be a wife so I was happy to do things for him. But of course it is a 2 way street. My husband helped with the cleaning when we were first together and married. We both did chores together so that made things easier for me. Now that we have children things are tougher because I have a whole lot more responsibility! But I love it just the same. =) Being a mother and a wife is what I have dreamed of all my life. Before couples get married they should live together to see if they could make a marriage last forever... If they cannot live together for that time frame then they definitely could not make a marriage work forever!
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (9193)
• United States
15 Feb 13
Welcome to the new wives' club! BUt first of all, congratulations and best wishes for you guys. Anyway, theres this thing called adjustment and transition period in a marriage, especially if you guys haven't lived together before you got married. This is the time when we actually get to see the the real person and their habits-whether good or bad. It is true that you will never really know how a person is unless you start to live with him under the same roof. I had problems with my husband because we are both neat freaks and he is worse than I am because he has to have some particular stuff in particular places which I happen to like as well for my own. I also have been living by my own for a long time, but surprisingly we embraced to the fact that we now have someone else to sleep with and share the bed with like we've been doing this forever. Give it time, and take all the time you need to adjust. Open up to your spouse if you need help or if there's something about him that bothers you. Communication is key.
1 person likes this