Why is friendship so difficult?

@dloveli (4369)
United States
February 27, 2013 6:47am CST
I have had many friendships over the years and I must admit that 90% of them were HORRENDOUS! I'm not blaming it on them only. I definitely have my moments. I never ask anyone to help me without being able to do something for them. Just right before Xmas I had been diagnosed with Stage 2 diabetes and possible liver issues. For some reason my liver is inflamed 3x larger than normal. No one can figure out why. My sugar was 538 the day I went to doctors. When your sugar is high it can irritate the nerves. My legs and feet were terribly painful. A friend of mine offered to drive me daily because we both have basically same schedule in am. I paid her over $70 in cash plus paid for breakfast at least 20 days out of month. I usually text her in the am to see when shell be here. She is a very obese woman and very lazy as well. Shed tell me to be downstairs waiting at 620 and never show up till 655. She also reads more into texts. For example, the other day she said she would pick me up at 545 and she didn't have money for coffee so she wouldn't be getting any breakfast in am. I text back OK, Whatever will see you in am. She text ed me back saying I used her for rides and what not. REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Is it me or does this sound a wee bit childish? I exploded. Usually I have let it roll of but you know we all have a breaking point? Well today I reached mine. I just wonder if Ill ever get to experience the camaraderie of a real true friendship. I do have close people in my life but nothing compared to a "BEST" friend. Im sick of feeling either that Im dealling with a child or that im always having to be the leader. I just want a relationship, friendship, that goes both ways. Is friendship difficult for anyone else? What is your secret?
5 people like this
22 responses
@anuraa32 (2452)
• India
27 Feb 13
Maybe she is going through issues of her own. Maybe she never spoke to you about her feelings or anything. And many times what we look for in a friendship and what the other is ready to invest are at two different levels.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
1 Mar 13
Normally Anuraa I would agree with you. I mean we all have our issues but in this case Ive have busted her in so many lies about nothing. I didnt want to see the signs. Her family doesnt even allow her to sleep at their house unless they have prior notice so they can hide their loose change, money and other things. She, herself, had told me this. She is one of those people that lies so much she begins to believe it. ANd of course I thought I could come riding in on a white horse and save the day. We gave her expensive clothes, I do her hair for free, Gove her bags and money. Im not the type to put in your face what i do for you. SO when this whole thing went down, I sat down and had to think. When I realized how much I had done and the fact that she was saying we did nothing. I had to let it go. NO friendship there. I really liked her. Its kind of sad. Thanks for listening. dml
1 person likes this
@anuraa32 (2452)
• India
2 Mar 13
Hey that is so sad. Especially when you found her friendship material and did so much for her. I know how it feels in a situation like this. You feel bad and feel like a fool both at the same time. But then one needs to learn from this and just move ahead. Good luck to you and God bless.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Mar 13
Honestly I had been dissed so bad that I really had written off friends. Or good friends i should say. This really took me for a ride. I cant believe I allowed this to happen again. I am so ashamed of myself. Thanks for your kind words and understanding. I only wish I had my myLot friends here with me. I hate to say it but good or bad you guys always have kept it very real with me. I like that. dml
1 person likes this
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
28 Feb 13
it's always difficult to maintain a friendship especially when one can't express themselves. like an earlier post mentioned, friendship can make you both happy and sad and i fully agree with that. for me, i always have a distance which i make unknowingly with friends and when i'm aware, i don't do much to bring us closer. for me, being an aquaintance is enough as it is but there are times when i feel the absence of a friend when i don't have anyone to confide in or just go shopping and hang out with. but i believe, that if a friendship is to happen, ít'll happen no matter how angry you might get at that friend as you'll forgive them and they you. but you must also behave to them how you would want them to behave with you.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
From everything Ive read so far, I come to the conclusion that friendship is viewed as easy. It is to a point. Its also a two-way street. Where as we both have to be there for each other and listen and give advice. This isnt always easy especially as we get older and have families. One of us isnt married or have children. Sometimes there becomes tension over the amount of time we are giving to each other. You have to remember that he/she has been in your life for quite some time and they may feel left out because you are in a relationship. SO many things can happen and some of us may/may not be able to accept or handle such changes. Ive tried to keep a balance and still its as if I feel im doing all the work. Thats not fair. Friendship is going to go down as one of life's greatest mysteries. In my book at least. Everytime I think ive got this, NOT. I cant control the other person. However, I can make sure Im the best friend I can possible be for that person. dml
1 person likes this
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
8 Jun 13
@dloveli you have given points that is truly applicable to me, where one is married and the other isn't and I agree, it isn't easy esp when we grow older. usually I tend not to think too deep as I feel that it's only going to cause me headaches and I just want the easy way out, but this post has definitely made me wonder if I should change myself and my views and I truly agree with your last sentence. no matter how the other person is, we can only make sure that we can be the best for tht person. thanks for sharing.
@free_man (7337)
• United States
27 Feb 13
Hi Dloveli. We too feel the same way not many people that we have tried to make friends with here turned out to be a real friend. We have this one woman that is as close a friend as she can be. But she never comes by or calls the only time we hear from her is when she wants something. People these days seems like they are only looking out for themselves and don't want to make friends with anyone. Not many people put much effort into making friends not like they used to when I was growing up. I will pray for you and your health problems I will pray that Gods will be done in your life. Sounds like your fat friend is only looking out for what she can get for herself and really isn't a friend at all. But I know how it is when you need a ride somewhere and you have to depend on someone else. Sounds like you have done more then your fair share of paying for things to get what you need, she sounds like she is greedy and wants all she can get out of you. I thank God for my husband because he is the only one I have found as a real best friend. I thank God daily that God gave me such a kind and loving husband. He is my best friend and he tells me I am his best friend. We work together at everything we do in life. If he cooks I clean up the dishes if I cook he cleans the dishes. We share in all the house and yard work. We work as a team on everything even our marriage. The secret to us is that we put our faith in God and let God guide us through our good times and our tough times. Thank God for a great friend!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Mar 13
Im laughing not because I think your troubles with this chic are funny but because its enlightening. I just realized that no matter where you are from or what you try to do, people are always coming at us with their hands out. lol You know what is even more funnier? When they get pissed because you dont give them what they came for. Kind of like you owe them something. The way you share in your house hold chores with your man and the fact that I can hear in your explanation that its truly a happy home. Just reading your comment makes me see your relationship and how deep it is. Im truly happy to say that I know someone that not only has a lover, but a best friend all in one. Too bad we cant bottle that emotion. dml
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
20 Mar 13
You know what I can't understand is why do people think everyone and anyone owes them if they want to be their friend. I don't need a friend like that here in this world we all got to help each other but not at the expense of our own self. I thank God daily because I have a great friend in my husband and he is kind to a fault. I wish I had found my husband when I was a lot younger who knows there might not have been so much bull in my life. But Gods will was that I meet him at a later time. Oh well at least God gave him to me when I really needed him. Thanks.
• China
28 Feb 13
Contrary to your opinion, i think friendship is easy.I have not many friends but really some real friends.Thanks God My friends are ready to help me when i have some difficulty.As time goes by, i find if you don't expect much from your friends, you will have no friends.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
When you're a good friend, it is easy. Its when people practice dishonesty and taking advantage. Im happy to see that friendship is working for you. You should write a book. You seem to have it all figured out. For me, friendship is a sacred and special bond that when I committ to, I will do everything in my power to support, love and cherish that certain individual. Happy MyLotting dml. Ps you should really think about that book. Id buy it!
• United States
28 Feb 13
You become friends with the people you surround yourself with. So if your not having luck with getting good friends then you need to change where your meeting these people. Who you are and what you do tells a lot about a person.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
Very Good Point my friend. Welcome to Mylot and I hope I hear more from you. dml
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
28 Feb 13
I had a best friend one time. She betrayed me and I have never looked at another person in the same way. I've kept my friends at arms length and we've never really had issues. No one noticed that they weren't really close. We had fun and that was about it. My daughter just lost her best friend of twenty years and she's still hurting from it. It was all because my daughter doesn't want kids at her wedding renewal. Such a stupid reason for a fight that tears apart a friendship like that. But my daughter has had better friends that haven't stuck around as long as this one. I don't think there is a secret, I think that we are who we are and sometimes that changes and creates a rift that there's just no mending.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
First let me say to your daughter that SHE'S ABSOLUTELY 100% RIGHT! That is her special day. They'll be drinking going on and children dont need to be there. If her friend got mad its only because the Biatch didnt want to pay for a babysitter! Im sorry shes hurt due to the loss of her friend. she really needs to think about this. If something this minute in the grand scheme of things broke the friendship apart, Id have to say that it wasnt as good a friendship as she may have thought. I have done this myself. All the signs are there I just didnt want to see them. Now your daughter is making a new friendship, before god. Nothing is more sacred. I wish the best to you and yours. If I was your daughter I wouldnt make up with her friend. No friend breaks a friendship before one of the most important days of your life. IF she was a real friend she would respect your daughter's wishes and move on. That's what friends do. I guess her friend didnt get the memo. Happy MyLotting and good luck on her wedding. dml
@shela21 (68)
• Philippines
28 Feb 13
meeting friends is easy...but finding true friends is difficult..
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
FOr me meeting friends is easy, its keeping a good friend thats hard. I want as good as I give. I demand it! Its only fair. dml
@miketagz (8671)
• Philippines
28 Feb 13
Friendship would depend on personal traits and its attitude. You don't have to force yourself if they not like you, that is part of our life. There are many friends you can trust.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
Well said Mike. THanks I only wish things in my life were that simple. dml
@Adval2013 (438)
28 Feb 13
Friendship can be both difficult and exciting. We all have our own experiences and moments with friends but there is one truth about friendship that is so proven through the ages: Friendship is tested in times of great trials and difficulties. You will know who your real friends are when you are in genuine need. I don't want to classify my friends but if I need to, this will be my classifications: acquaintance, ordinary friends, good friends, the better ones, the best friends and if this superlative is accepted, the bestest friends. The relationship rule should always apply to any friendships: Do not do unto them what you do not want them to do unto you. The greatest commandment should be observed in any friendships: Love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus is my "bestest" bestfriend who loves me unconditionally and with the only perfect love intended for me and for everyone who would seek Him as Friend. My husband is my bestfriend for life. And because I do not expect any grand thing of my friends, I have many friends. But I always keep things at bay when it comes to the most delicate part of my being...only my husband knows the deepest person in me. This way, I avoid being in conflict with anyone...although I have to admit I've been hurt a lot of times by many friends as well. I guess that's part of life. You will find a real friend who would be by your side no matter what..just be patient and loving.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
I like your classifications. I hate to say it but these days and times are very different from the more simpler times of years past. Dont get me wrong Im not saying ive always been the greatest friend. I just want someone to care about me the same as I care about them. No More No Less.
• China
28 Feb 13
Have u heard a saying that friends is the one who can both make u happy and make u sad in the same time! I think ur story totally explained its meaning. When I was in my college, my BEST friend is a lady who made herself a strict person, so did her make it on me. We shared a lot of sadness and quarreling as well as tears and joys. I sometimes thought I would break up with her because I really couldn't put up with some ideas and ways of doing things she made, but look at us now, we are still best friends though we are in totally different cities that far away from each other. Therefore, I'm going to tell u that u should keep calm and tolerant and mostly, be patient with ur friends, and having a peaceful thought is good for ur health. Hope u'll recover soon.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
Thanks for sharing. I do think that your friendship was special. Something some of us may never experience. Treasure it. I will take your advice seriously. Who knows it may just be what I need. Happy MyLotting dml
• Philippines
28 Feb 13
trust and honesty are my secret of keep a true friendship... keeping the faith and hope will help strengthen the friendship, forgiveness and becoming passive in every ugly situation will help each individual to grow as one. that what I know about friendship and how to keep it.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
I think those are two definite necessities for a good friendship. My problem is with the worlds values and beliefs changing from one extreme to another, we come to the problem of what if the value systems are different? Im am a person that embraces a person based on their heart. Color, creed, religion, dont matter. Unfortunately that isnt the way it is with everyone. I have literally been developing a great relationship with someone. When they find out Im white and my children are black and white, and my fiance is Puerto Rican they have changed or literally jumped ship because they werent raised like that. Friendship used to be so simple. IF you meet someone and you like each other, you hang out. Now a days people let too many other things get in the way. I wonder how many of us have missed out on special experiences and relationships because of this.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
27 Feb 13
It is hard to find a true friend...I have a couple that have been my friend for years...seems we can have our ups and downs but usually its ups. I don't have alot of friends....but the ones I have are keepers!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
Thats exactly how I have to look at things. True friends are very hard to find. So the fact that you see the friendships you do have as important and treat them as such is all Im asking for. Im jealous. dml
@savypat (20246)
• United States
27 Feb 13
I don't know how you would judge a friendship. It seems to me in this case you have a business arrangement and I would treat it as such. Don't except a friendship from this. I always treat people as I would like to be treated and I never expect anything from them. If a friendship happens I figure it's just a bonus. This way I am never disapointed by others. But I must say I also don't have many friends. So I probubly can't give advice on this subject.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
You and I are the same. I treat people generously expecting the same. I am always disappointed. I then promise myself I will not be so generous and offering all the time. I never keep that promise. I like to help. I just have to learn that everyone doesnt. I dont have many friends either. I will tell you this. YOu are one of my very first MyLot friends and I will cherish any/all advice you give. Happy MyLotting friend. dml
• Romania
27 Feb 13
I have had a loot of friendships and everytime, just one stood up. I am a boy and my best friend is a girl. Those friendships will always remain untouched because between a girl and a boy can't be feelings like jealousie, or disscutions about boys..
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
You know the only friendships that I have no problem with is with men. I have had best men friends for years and our relationships are tighter now then ever. They have my back in every way. I will cherish them forever. dml
@kprofgames (3103)
• United States
27 Feb 13
I feel for you because have experienced the same thing. I don't get too close to people. To be honest it takes a lot of energy. There are a few people that I spend time with that have a fabulous time with. They are fun, have the same energy as I do and like to joke around. When I'm out with people I'd much rather have fun then get weighted down with serious issues. I guess it's really what we're looking for. This person that gives you a ride just sounds like that. If you are paying for gas, then I don't know why you have to pay for her breakfast or morning coffee....to me sounds like she's milking you.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Mar 13
Hello K, I must say that you have explained it perfectly! Which is why I have selected you has best response. Its so true relationships get weighted down with serious issues. The word WEIGHTED perfectly describes some friendships. I only wish you were here and could coach me thru these types of ordeals. lol thanks friend
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
27 Feb 13
Ive had the same thing happen to me. Both here and in the usa. I think its because friends arent true friends. They use us. its a shame.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
9 Mar 13
Hey Maria, At least I now know its not an american thing. LOL Seriously though for me its distressing. I would like to know that these are just flukes. I just have to do better when searching for friends. Friends are more important than familly in some cases. With family, you have no choice. You are related. Tied together with a blood bond. In friendship, you choose. We are picked. To me, that is sacred. If i picked you and choose you as my best friend, that's big. I chose you out of a bunch of others. You were the one. Someone chose me so I want to do my absolute best to make them glad they chose me. Of course we dont think this way as we are making friends. Maybe if we did make ourselves aware of the importance of choosing a friend or being chosen, People would take it more seriously. It seems like a lot but that's how important friendship is to me. THanks Maria. dml
• Philippines
27 Feb 13
Oh im sorry for you. You know I have 6 best best friends in the truest meaning of it. REAlly, weve been bestfriends for like 4-5 years back in college. They always out me in the mood. Whenever we're together, either we hear each other's sentiments about family and work OR laugh just right about non sense things. We always do things together. It feels home to be with them. If one needs help, we lend our hand with nothing in return, but if it happens about money, we pay though coz we know we also need it badly but we don't hesitate every time one needs help. The best part is we can't get enough of each other that we still look forward to seeing each other the fact that we regularly meet on weekends. I hope someone you can trust, just like a family or even more for that matter. Having friends is great. it's the balance of our chaotic day. :)
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Mar 13
I really truly envy you. Its hard enough to have one good friend rather than a few. YOu have truly been blessed. YOu know they say you're legacy isnt measured by how much YOU love but how much you ARE loved. You are going to be fine. DML
@Pegasus72 (1901)
7 Apr 13
I have always had good friendships, but my friends never seemed to get along together. I guess it sometimes happens that way. Most of my very close friends have moved onto Heaven.
@artemeis (4070)
• China
1 Mar 13
I am sorry to hear what you are going through and I hope you are managing your condition. Friendship is really a very delicate thing and in our imperfect fragile human state - good friends are hard to come by. Unfortunately, we will never be able to tell whether our friends are fair weather or dependable until we go through the tests of fire together. I am wondering if you over reliant on her has worn out her patience and that she is getting tired but unable to say no to you when she should.
• United States
28 Feb 13
Ugh I have bad luck too. I have a lot of acquaintances or even a few close friendships that I would consider shallow and usually one best friend. I have no luck though since I've had several best friends in the past totally flip out or switch to another person out of no where after years of friendship. No explanations. Either just cut off or get resentful overnight. My current best friend is a male and I think that I just don't work well with female best friends because I've never been back stabbed by any male friend in my life yet can't trust most women as far as you can throw them no matter how long you've known them. I've ran into that immature crap also. I just don't get people. Other than current close friends I've just stopped making new friends. Too much hard work to end up with lazy or crazy people. Also tired of giving it my all to get nothing back. Not enough time or energy to waste!