Stay At Home Mom V. Working Mom

@MoonGypsy (4613)
United States
April 4, 2013 11:13pm CST
i have been both. now, i am a stay at home mom. i must say being a stay at home mom is much easy than being a working mom. no matter what, you have to take care of your children even if you are working. i would rather just have the responsibility of raising them. i am on disability now and work from home online. this is great, because i get to be home for them. i hated to have to get up in the morning and put up with the stress of working for someone else, then having to come and deal with them. i felt like i wasn't even raising them. child care was. some say that staying home with the kids is a much harder job than working. i say not. it's a big responsibility raising kids, true enough. but with a responsibility a great as that, who needs to have to go out and work for someone else?
4 people like this
14 responses
• Philippines
5 Apr 13
It is more convenient to work at home. You're working for nobody but yourself and it is motivating given the fact that you have nobody to criticize your work. You're your own boss so you have only yourself to criticize you. I bet it's a downside for perfectionists, though. They'd wanna work for long hours just to beat their "record" yesterday. But then again, why would a perfectionist be working at home?
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
5 Apr 13
lol. exactly! perfectionist are usually out there trying to conquer the world.
• Philippines
5 Apr 13
..and laid-back people are here on myLot laughing at them.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
5 Apr 13
And then you have plenty of parents out there that think that if they just do the "routine" stuff then they are "good" parents and that will be enough. If their kids are clean, dressed fine and have the best toys then they are doing enough as parents. You really need to put your heart and soul into molding them into good people. It takes time and patience. You can work full time and still do that but it is a huge amount of work, I agree.
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
I want to be a working mom. I just dont like doing the house works, because i get easily tired doing physical works. I also want to earn own money so i wont be always asking for it when i need it.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
6 Apr 13
I agree with you. I really hate cleaning, cooking, and much more. Unfortunately for me, I get rather angry about cleaning for some reason I don't know. I wouldn't even know how to fully change that train of thought. I am sure it has something to do with my childhood and probably some sort of repressed memories but yeah. I want to earn more money just in case. I think being a stay at home mom is great if you are in the mindset that everything will go smoothly with your finances should something happen. I am not quite so optimistic.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
6 Apr 13
my husband's and I finances are great enough that we can both stay at home with our children. we all four share house hold responsibilities. for instance, i am down with a hurt foot. i have a boot cast and i am on crutches. my family has taken over most of the house hold chores while i can't be on my feet much. in our situation, the burden isn't just on one person. i do understand what you mean though. i hate cleaning, even though it has to be done. especially if the mess is someone else's .
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
6 Apr 13
I would say each has it's advantages. And it depends on what the family life and situation is like. I like being able to spend time with my daughter but I also would enjoy working outside the home more. It all depends on many factors. Like if the husband is able to really support the family alone, if the woman is happy being at home, and if she has what she needs to be happy and successful staying at home.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
6 Apr 13
No one really seems to touch up on the "if the woman is happy being at home" thing at all. If the husband has to work full time, then the woman is confined to her house especially if the family can only afford one car and the husband takes it to work. Many people who work evening or second shifts tend to sleep during the day since they have to stay up later into the night. Now if the husband is making enough to pay the bills, he might not make enough to pay for a babysitter and to take his wife out every now and then which can cause even more stress. It really all depends on the family and situation as you have said.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
6 Apr 13
well, this is not the case with me. me and my husband both have our disability incomes and are both able to stay at home with our children. i guess i would hate it if i were just living on his income.
@tehpau (340)
• Malaysia
5 Apr 13
I won't say life is easy for a stay home mom, but it is definitely easier than a mom who needs to work for someone and also take care of the children. There is no such thing as if you work, someone will take over your responsibilities as a mother. This is the life of women. If given a choice, most women will choose family over their jobs. Unfortunately they have to work to make ends meet. This is the true story.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
5 Apr 13
then again, i know some women who say they can't stay at home and just take care of children. i know some women who WANT to work outside of the home. i guess if that's what you want, but i still say staying at home is easier than having to work and take care of kids.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
5 Apr 13
I am with Moon on this one. I do know that some mom's NEED to get out and work because they could not stand being home all the time and they needed the adult interaction etc. I absolutly loved being around my kids as stressful as they could be at times. I gave up a very good job in order to be home for them during the day. I did daycare and other odd jobs as well as a part time job in the evening. I hated being away from my kids. For the most part...I raised them on my own(after the divorce) and so I did have to work a regular job. It was tough trying to find the time and energy to do it all.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
6 Apr 13
I am currently a stay at home mom. It is ok, but I do plan to transfer into being a working mom. I am one of those mom's who NEEDs to work.. well outside of the home as I already work at home. For about six years (as my oldest is six), I've had days where I felt like a prisoner in my own house. I don't live in a necessarily bad area, but it isn't a good area either. I'm not going to complain to a child if I am upset or anything, they are children. Being a stay at home mom is much harder than working, in my opinion. It is a 24/7 job with no real benefit other than you are there for your child. I thought it would be better and easier than working too. I had to leave work due to a complicated first pregnancy and ever since then I was a stay at home mom. It seemed great. I could sleep in a bit longer when they were babies (they are 14 months apart), get up, feed them, clean up my house, do laundry, and more each and every day. When they became pre-school age, it was get up, take my shower, get them up, send them off to school, etc. each and every day. I am more stressed now than when I was when I was working and pregnant. I am more stressed now than when I was going to a brick and mortar school (as opposed to online college) after my first child was born. I wasn't nearly as stressed when I was doing the things above (working and going to college) because they were like breaks from each. When I went to school, I had a break to just breathe, talk to others around the same age if not a bit older or younger, and the setting was most certainly different. Then I would come home and spend time with my first child as I became a stay at home mom fully when I got kicked out of school for a complicated second pregnancy that nearly killed me. After a while, the prisoner feelings started in which I desperately wanted to get out of my house and just not deal with the constant cooking, cleaning, etc. I've spent some nights crying myself to sleep and so much more. There is no real balance and it is extremely ridiculously nerve-wracking. At one point, I felt so trapped to the point where I wouldn't eat much. Food might as well have been poison and should one of their grandparents take them overnight, I tried to stay out as long as possible so I didn't have to go back home. Needless to say, I need to be a working mom. I know it may seem as though it is a bad decision and so on, but some mothers do need to work for other reasons than money. My children are happy, healthy, smart, etc. but I also know they might pick up on underlying feelings of me being stressed even if I don't present that in front of them. Children have a strange knack for picking things like that up no matter how hard parents try to hide them. My four (soon to be five) year old came and gave me a hug yesterday and said "It's ok mommy." and I wasn't even openly crying or anything like that. Just sitting there with my eyes closed for a moment. I was and still am thinking of my children when I made the decision of actively looking for work outside the home as well as doing accounting work at home. It took a while because I considered myself a failure because I couldn't just stay at home but even my therapist thinks it is a good idea and it doesn't make me a failure. She simply said some women can't do it and because of that their children pick up on and may become stressed themselves because they can sense their parent is stressed even if they don't see or hear it or anything like that.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
6 Apr 13
thank you for sharing your story. yes, there are two sides to the story. i see that now, through you. some mothers NEED to work outside the home. some women are just not cut out for it full time. it doesn't mean they don't love their family, either. i was just so stressed working because i was trying to work and go to school while my mental health was deteriorating. it just depends on what your needs are. i hope you get a chance to find work soon and get out of the home more. take care of yourself.
@jadoixa (1171)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
i think it is better to be a stay at home and to be truly there for our child or children as they are growing up. there is nothing like being able to raise them and truly guide them ourselves.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
6 Apr 13
we also home school our children. my husband stays at home too because he has his own disability money. we just our in what we consider a perfect situation.
@cttolledo (5054)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Maybe it is easy for you to be a full time mom because your kids and your husband is very cooperative with in comes household chores. I'm happy for you that you are able to take care of your family and I'm sure your children and husband are so happy with that..
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
6 Apr 13
well, my husband gets a chance to stay at home, too. he has his own income. it is great to be able to see our children growing up in real time. we never get tired of being all together. it's a blessing.
@srisahara (4147)
• Indonesia
5 Apr 13
Hi friend, one year ago, I decide to resign from my job in the private company and be a stay at home mom. I concerned with my daughter does not get good growth and development if I still work for someone else. Now, I make money online, although less than I work in the private company. When i still work, my daughter live with my mother, so have not responsible to treat her everyday, but I still stress with my job, because I have an angry boss, he always angry when I make a mistake in my job, I am really cannot enjoy my job, so I decide to leave the job and make money online from home. Now, i enjoy my life and give more time for my daughter and my husband.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
5 Apr 13
yes, it was very hard for to deal with that kind of stress and still not be able to see my children.
• Australia
6 Apr 13
I used to work when my boys were very young, admittedly it was only 1 to 2 days per week but it was great to be able to get out of the house and socialise lol! But that all changed when we found out both of our boys have autism. I made the choice to stay at home so that l could take them to Early Intervention 3 times a week as well as do all the other things required when you have children with special needs. It's been 6, nearly 7 years since our eldest was diagnosed. Although I miss the extra cash from working, I am glad that I made that decision to stay home and be Carer. Both boys are now attending mainstream primary school on a full time basis with only a few minors 'problems' here and there. Staying at home and looking after your children can be extremely demanding and it's not suited to all Mums. My Mum would never have been able to stay at home full time as it just didn't 'fit' in with her perception of what life is about.
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
6 Apr 13
If your family do not have a financial problem, being a stay at home mother is much better. You can have enough time to take care of your children, your children can have their childhood with mother and you can do some online job to earn some money. But you have to spend a lot of energy on raising your children and taking care of your family, all the housework will belong to you. While the work mother, you husband should have to share some housework, as you are also a breadwinner, you will have a high status in the home.
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
It depends on what you want to be a working mom or a full time mom. To be a full time mom is dangerous what if your husband will divorce you and find another woman who will hired you if you are already old and if you are a working mom you can hire somebody to take care of the children in your behalf that is striking both security as you go older and financial stability for the children.
@celticeagle (119881)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Apr 13
Kids need both parents and one of them at home and THERE FOR THEM. For too many kids now days day care is raising them. Its harder for mothers who work I think. They have the stress of getting to where they need to be, giving enough to both work and home, making the best of both. Its tough. I think you should feel very lucky to be able to stay home.
@Fishmomma (11451)
• United States
5 Apr 13
I think its harder when a woman has to work to pay the bills and we all know somebody that needs the money for rent and food on the table. I'm aware some woman work because they want to work and earn money for the extras that they feel their children would like to have now. Its not easy to work and be a Mom. I worked when my first child was born and the money was to help pay the rent, as we didn't have a lot of money. The second child I was able to be at home and did earn money online to help with the bills. Sadly, I know a lot of people trying to find a job that pays enough for just 1 parent to work, but if you make minimum wage in this state, then both parents will have to work.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
5 Apr 13
I feel the same. When my girls were younger (before I got divorced) I worked from home doing a variety of jobs and I also worked part time in the evening when my husband was home so that they were not left with a sitter. After the divorce I continued the work from home for a time but because of his lack of support and the fact that the income was unpredictable, I was forced to get a job where I could count on my income. UGH!!! It was so so hard!! Luckily, I got a 2nd shift job where most of my hours were on the weekends when the ex would have them. I still have that same job. It was 4 days a week so on one day, I'd get home after midnight and then have to get up at 5:30 aM to get them all off to school.I was exhausted! Luckily my oldest daughter was old enough to watch them on the one night that their dad didn't take them. It could have been much worse, I know. Monday's were rough too as I work Sunday nights. Tues. and Weds. I cherished so much. Once they reach school age...it is worse as you only see them to pretty much make sure they eat, do homework, shower and get to bed on time. It feels as if you miss out on so much. Yes, raising your kids is tiring and a lot of work but in my opionion the stress of working and still trying to spend time and do what needs to be done is more stressful. If you are working, you still have the obligations of all the household chores, seeing to it that the bills are taken care of on time etc plus fitting in time with the kids. At least when you are home, you are free to juggle your time as you see fit.