I Don't Understand This...

Jacksonville, Florida
April 26, 2013 5:41pm CST
I was just talking with some of my friends and the guy is going through some health issues and he told his wife that he will be really mad if he dies and she decides to be with someone else... He said he would haunt her forever if she re-marries. My husband and I have had this conversation and I told him if I die before him I want him to be happy and find love again. I don't want him to be single and miserable forever just because I'm not around anymore... I think that would be unfair of me to want that! And my husband told me the same thing. What are your thoughts? Would you be okay with your partner/spouse finding love again after you passed?
14 people like this
29 responses
@alpha9180 (301)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 13
According to Biblical's principle, the bond of oneness, between husband and wife is broken and with this she is free to remarry as long as she keeps one condition: She must marry a Christian with same faith in the Lord and of course base on genuine love.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1179)
• Bhubaneswar, India
27 Apr 13
am not yet married. But, after I marry, i am sure we both will live together whole life till end. So, there is no necessity of re-marry.
@Deepak2J (1179)
• Bhubaneswar, India
28 Apr 13
Why should i die or my spouse die ! I just hope and wish that we both live together till the end. Thanks.
@Deepak2J (1179)
• Bhubaneswar, India
29 Apr 13
I know. But I love day-dreaming and wishing. What's wrong to have a wish like that and think like that !
@celticeagle (119166)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Apr 13
I think that love is selfless and not selfish. To remarry is really up to the person left. And to have your loved one tell you he/she forbids you to find love again after they are gone is selfish. This really shows the character of the person.
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Apr 13
I agree with you. He is super selfish and controlling. It is up to the individual, not the spouse! Yes it shows his true colors.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119166)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Apr 13
Yep. His true colors don't look so good does it?
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 13
If you love someone dearly, you would want that someone to be happy all the time regardless of whether you are around or not. There is no need to discuss between a couple if the one left in this world should or should not find another love. It just does not serve any purpose. What happens after something has happened nobody will know. It is not something that can be decided before hand. It is not that if you want to love again, then you can go out and search for someone to love. It is not a yes or no answer. For me, I won't mind that if it means happiness for my wife after I have gone.
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Apr 13
Exactly, I want my husband to be happy with or without me. It is something that can be talked about and I think it is a good idea to talk about anything with our spouse that we want to.
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 13
I agree that a couple should be able to discuss anything freely. What I was saying is that a question like "will you marry again when I am no longer around?" just don't have any meaning because the politically correct answer is no but the people who asks that question is actually wanting to convince his/her lover to say yes which is against what they feel emotionally.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
27 Apr 13
That is such a selfish and cruel thing to say to someone that you supposedly love. I am assuming these people are young. Now anything could happen where she would be come a widow very young. Those words would play on her mind any time she even considered moving on with her life. How unfair that would be.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
I agree with you. It is selfish and cruel. I don't think it is the right way to be at all. He is 30 years old and she is 27 years old actually, I don't really consider that young. You would think he was young because of his immature statement. It is truly unfair.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Apr 13
Well, as old as I am, I DO actually consider 30 and 27 to be young. Still, I was thinking much younger...like 19 or 20. He does sound very immature. When you are that young, you often have so so many expectations on what love and marriage is that it isn't surprising that love fails. By the time you are in your late 20's or early 30's, you would think that one would have become more realistic. To be honest, even when I was really young and as much as I believed in "ever after"...I never would have told my husband that I expected him to be faithful to my memory and never find love again should anything happen to me. It's just not a loving thought.
@ShyBear88 (17647)
• United States
26 Apr 13
As much as it hurts to thinks about it. Yes I would want my husband to be happy and to find someone that loves him as much as I do and our kids. I don't think I could be that heartless and keep my husband from moving on. Especially my kids I would want them to have someone share those mom moments with.
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Apr 13
I would want my husband happy as well. I would not want him to be miserable and lonely forever. I think it would be unfair to want him to be single forever.
@ShyBear88 (17647)
• United States
30 Apr 13
But over all I know that's my hubsands choice if he wants to move on. If he does move on he might not find a few love. As long as he is happy I would be happy for him.
@ladygator (3469)
• United States
26 Apr 13
I think that is very selfish of him really. Is he a jealous type already? And to say that he would haunt her forever! Wow, that's pretty crazy! I would want my husband to try to find someone to be happy with if I were to pass away. And he would want me to do the same. Although I love him so much I dont know how I would go on without him. I feel like there are no other people out there that would even come close. My moms husband passed away and she has dated a little about 2 years after he passed on. But I think that she misses him so much also and it just doesn't feel right to her to be with anyone else. I also told my husband that if I were on life support to live to just let me go because I want him to be able to have peace with me and then hopefully find someone else.
• Jacksonville, Florida
26 Apr 13
I agree with you, it is selfish and immature! Yes he is most definitely the jealous type. I would want my husband to be happy even after I am gone. I would not want him to be lonely and sad. If my husband doesn't want anyone else or doesn't find anyone else, that is okay but I would want him to be happy no matter what.
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
Maybe he just reacted, it's probably best not to talk about that issue until he has really hit the dust. probably it's best for them to live their lives before his time has come. maybe for his sake, we can easily say he's selfish but maybe he's not just jealous but also afraid to die. let him find his own peace and allow him to understand that his wife's happiness is also important.
@tiaram (2)
28 Apr 13
I feel the same way i mean unless we're old lol but i really dont think anyone would stay single forever. I wouldnt and if your spouse loves you they wouldnt want u to be lonely for the rest of your life!!!
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Apr 13
Yeah, no one should be lonely forever just because their spouse passed away...
• India
27 Apr 13
i think u should not left in our life because we got real love very typical case in our life i am very lucky so i got my real love i realy love her more ,,,,because she care me and love me take care my all time,,,i make me happy every critical situation so i am very thank full to god,,,,for giving me loving and caring life partner,,i have seen lots of example in my life husband and wife fighting to each other just stuff taking with friend its not fear,,,we should try to understand each other and never go other person comments and thought ,,,that is true relation???
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
We are different. I think that friend of yours is so possessive, I think he has his own reasons. If am going to die and I left my husband behind, I'll be first one to look for a new wife. Seriously, I don't want him to live in a miserable life.
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Apr 13
This friend is very jealous and controlling. To the point of being scary actually... I want my husband to be happy even after I am gone, with or without a new spouse.
27 Apr 13
It is really disgusting if somebody is saying like that, Even how a person can say like that , it is totally selfish and this means that a person do not care another one, No i would not be okay at any conditon
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Apr 13
It is very selfish, controlling and immature. He wants to control her even from the grave!
• United States
27 Apr 13
Yes, I am a giving loving person, so I would want my spouse to be happy and find love if that is what they wish to do.
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Apr 13
I want my husband to be happy again as well.
@Rick1950 (1565)
• Lima, Peru
27 Apr 13
I don't know whether someone can haunt other forever after passing away. Widowers and widows are allowed to marry again. From the standpoint of religious and moral is correct and allowed.
@Sreekala (23605)
• India
27 Apr 13
I heard from friends, their partner is telling, 'just think about our kids and don’t remarry..' They are telling it as a joke but I felt they may be telling the same seriously. Some partners are very much possessive and that may be the reason telling like that. I think females are ready to sacrifice their life for kids and may stay for kids without remarrying. However, people are different and may change decisions according to the circumstances.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
I think that is a little silly to only worry about the children and not being happy ourselves as well. If your miserable and never find someone else, kids do pick up on our emotions and that could hurt them as well. I love my children with all of my heart, if I am not happy though they will not be happy either.
@emily7339 (1339)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 13
I believe everyone has his/her right to decide whether one is in need of a companion after his/her spouse passed . I do not mind my spouse to find his love again if I do not survive before him. He is free to manage his life affairs and good for him to have someone he loves as his companion .
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
I feel the same way, it is up to the individual. No one else should say they should or should not be with someone again. I agree with you, my husband can also find love again one day and be happy with whatever he chooses to do. As long as our children are cared for I am okay with it.
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
It is not fair for my partner to be lonely the rest of his life simply I am gone. He deserved to be happy. My only request is to love our kids . Once he failed in this, then I will really haunt him.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
I agree with you. Why should anyone have to be lonely and sad forever? There is more life for them to live and they should be able to live it the way they want to. I agree with you about the children part too but I know he would do the best he could to take care of our kids.
@Paper_Doll (2375)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
My husband and I both believe in resurrection. In this regard, if one us would die definitely the remaining one would remain faithful to the other.
@KrauseHome (35522)
• United States
27 Apr 13
Personally this is heartless and you would think they would want the person to be happy and move on. I know when someone you love passes, especially a spouse, it is a hard time, and should be the person still alive if someone else comes along to marry them or not. I would always want the best for my husband if I passed first, and he the same for me, so if that meant choosing to marry again, then let it happen.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
I agree with you, it bothered me so much when I heard him saying this to her which is why I brought it up here. I had to get other's thoughts on this because I felt so strongly about it. I think it was so unfair and wrong in every sense for him to do this to her. If something does happen to him, he still wants to always be in control of her life, even after he is gone!
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
27 Apr 13
Well.... first I don't think you need a spouse to be happy. If anything, I think marriage makes people unhappy in our world today. You have something that is rather rare in our society. However, beyond that people in our society have lost a broad view of life. When you don't believe in something beyond our limited existence, and everything revolves around ourselves, and the here and now, then what they want is what they want. Mine. No one else's. You belong to me! Me, myself, and I! Selfishness is natural in a limited world of 1... the individual. So in his case, he wants her to be dedicated exclusively to himself. Of course, if someone is 'other' centered, then you want whatever is best for the other person. If that's for them to remarry, so bit it.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
I am not saying you need a spouse to be happy. I am saying I want my husband to be happy so if that means finding someone new I am okay with it. If it means staying single forever, than that is his choice as well. I would never tell him never be with anyone else again if he wants to re-marry. That is unfair in my opinion. I think it was very selfish of him to say that to her. If nothing else, she could possibly feel guilty forever if she does find another spouse in the future...
• China
27 Apr 13
I once talked about this issue with my wife. she hoped we all live to a ripe old age, she said, we would company each other for more longer time in our life. I said I doesn't hope you live lonely if I passed.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Apr 13
Yeah I would definitely not want my husband to be lonely forever...