How to help my friend who is getting divorced

United States
October 26, 2015 10:05am CST
My friend is getting a divorce. SheHAS two young children and her husband has been cheating on her. She hasn't been working and is trying to find a job since she can't rely on his income anymore. We live far apart right now so I can't go see her, but I'd like to be helpful emotionally. I've never been through it and I'm not sure what to do or say. If you have been divorced, what did your family and friends do or say that helped you get through it?
6 people like this
8 responses
@Missmwngi (10783)
• Nairobi, Kenya
26 Oct 15
I think there are just times when one lacks words to say and don't know what do to make someone feel better. I wish i can be of help but too bad
• United States
26 Oct 15
Me too. I just worry I'll upset her more and accidentally say something wrong.
1 person likes this
@Missmwngi (10783)
• Nairobi, Kenya
26 Oct 15
@Samanthavv I also fear the same thing when i have someone i need to console. You just don't know what to say
• United States
26 Oct 15
@Missmwngi it's hard. Especially since I have never been in her position and I don't know how I can help her
2 people like this
@boiboing (12881)
• Northampton, England
26 Oct 15
I haven't been divorced but I've been in your position as the friend a few times. My main advice is to be sympathetic but never to be too nasty about the cheating husband. Just in case she takes him back and dumps you instead. And never knock the dad to the kids.
• United States
26 Oct 15
Good point. I do think he's a scumbag, but I thought he was a scumbag before she married him and she knows it.
@boiboing (12881)
• Northampton, England
26 Oct 15
@Samanthavv - my friends kids went through a horrible divorce and their dad was a pig but if they ever mention him, I can always find something positive to say about him.
• United States
26 Oct 15
@boiboing I think it'd probably better if I avoid that subject or just smile and ask them how their day is.
@skysnap (18039)
26 Oct 15
Getting a job and being independent is the best any man or woman can do. That way things like divorce or love issues doesn't matter much. I think that is the best way to restart life.
• United States
26 Oct 15
It seems to be pretty overwhelming for her trying to line up child are, pay for it, and find a job.
@skysnap (18039)
26 Oct 15
@Samanthavv Yes it is but if she gets enough support she will pull out of this and become more strong. This is the time to be strong.
• United States
26 Oct 15
I think the best thing you can do is be there emotionally for your friend. I got divorced when my children were very young and I doubt I would have survived if I didn't have a few good friends to lean on. Sometimes all a person needs is someone else to just listen and not try to solve their problems.
• United States
26 Oct 15
I am definitely trying to be there for her the best I can
@amnabas (10312)
• Karachi, Pakistan
26 Oct 15
Yes you should support her verbally and emotionally.
• United States
26 Oct 15
She gets really overwhelmed lately. It seems like she's about ready to crumble
• Canada
27 Oct 15
My kids were 6 and 9 years old when their father and I separated. That was followed by a very long, drawn-out divorce (for many reasons... most of which I could not control). I appreciated friends who brought a positive light to my days or evenings. Don't worry so much about "saying something wrong"... let your friend guide you through conversations, if that makes you feel more at ease :) But, please don't think that all she wants to talk about is her divorce - talk about yourself, talk about your day, tell her funny stories, etc. Sometimes, the LAST thing we want to talk about is ourselves, when we're going through a tough time. It's nice to have the chance to focus on something... anything... else :) Have the same conversations with her that you would have if she wasn't going through this... be the good friend you've always been and things will come easy.
• Eugene, Oregon
27 Oct 15
Assure her that things will get better for they will. I have been there more than once.
@cintol (7847)
• United States
26 Oct 15
Sometimes they just need someone to listen and offer support when they need them. I went through it with 3 small children and your friend will have to be strong enough to get through it. Just be there for her when ever she needs you just for a hug or ear to listen.