Finally Told My Ex How I Really Feel. (Long Story Included)

Phoenix, Arizona
November 23, 2015 11:24pm CST
I finally let my first husband know how I really feel. Let me kind of set up a bit of the past for you all, so you know why I had to let my feelings out. I met him when I was 17. He was 21. He was my first everything. We got married when I was 19. We had our daughter when I was 21. After Emily was born, things started to go a bit south for us. He started acting strange and when he started coming home at 2-3 am, I knew I wasn’t the only one he was with. I even left once. I don’t know why. I got on a bus with my daughter and took a 4 hour trip to my moms. (we lived on the other side of town and it took like 3-4 busses to get there) The funny thing was that my mom and brother were there at the same time. They just happened to be getting out of a movie. I was too chicken at the time to say that I wanted to leave. So I just acted like I was bored and decided to come visit. When my grandma saw my ex when he came to pick me up (20 minute drive as opposed to 4 hour bus ride) she had a bad feeling and knew something was wrong. She never had any odd feelings about him until then. The thing with my ex was, he was a neat freak. He was against any type of alcohol or drug use. Even prescribed medications. I wasn’t allowed to feel depressed. When I went through my postpartum depression, he told me to suck it up and that I had such a perfect life, I couldn’t possibly be depressed. He did stay at work and actually work when we first started dating. Even during our marriage, he always had the paychecks to prove he was working. But during those last few months, I could tell. The thing that tipped me off the most was when he came home at 2am with a gift for Emily and a gift for me. He was never the type to do things like that. I knew something was wrong. I think that was the night we got into our huge argument and he threw me out. He drove me to my mom and dads and left me at the doorstep. Before we left, he called my mom and told her he was done with me. He said I cost too much money and he couldn’t handle it. He said he had to take loans out to be able to afford to keep up with my spending habits. **This is where I will stop and explain a few things before continuing. ** When we first met, he was using his sister's car. She was getting fed up with him using the car all the time. So he bought a new car. I didn’t make him buy a brand new car. He could have gotten a cheap used car. He bought one that had all the bells and whistles. The money he is referring to me spending so much of… I had gotten a new job. I needed clothes for work. My grandma gave us $100 for work clothes. He took out a walmart card and used that for the clothes. I don’t know what happened to the cash. During his phone call to my mom, she pointed all of this out. He then said he had to take out a loan so we could move into a nice house. The loan he took out? $8,000. He gave half of it to his sisters and said they had to get a new fridge and washing machine. The rest was for moving expenses as well as to help his sister out as she had to be out of work for a surgery she had. Our half? It went towards the security deposit for the house and the first months rent as we were renting and not buying. My mom pointed all of this out as well. He took me to my moms. He filed for divorce a few days later. We ended up having to go to court for child support. He tried to tell the judge he shouldn’t have to pay child support because he was paying off all of the debt I caused. When he tried to plead his case, the judge told him that he was an adult and needed to take responsibility for his debt. It wasn’t my fault he spent any of the money he did. I found out a few months later that he had met a girl at work and gotten her pregnant. That is why it all hit the fan all at once. Anyway, this girl was a piece of work and I am not just saying that. She would message me horrible things, telling me that she hoped my daughter and I rotted. She messaged me when I had my tonsillectomy and told me that it was my sole responsibility to take care of the baby. She said that I was to send a new pack of pull-ups every time my daughter went there. My daughter was potty trained at 2. She was 2 ½ at the time. One time they asked me to send a nice dress so they could have family Easter photos done. I had just bought Emily a $60 Easter dress. I sent it and asked that they bring it back. It was a new dress. I never got the dress back. They said they didn’t know where it was. Guess what dress HER daughter was wearing in the Easter photo as well as several photos taken after that? Yes, that beautiful dress I bought. I bought it with my money. Not child support. I was so proud of the dress as well. So happy I could buy something that beautiful for her. In 2010 I got a call from my ex. He couldn’t take Emily, because there was a death in the family. The death? The woman he left me for. They had gotten married so she was now my daughter's stepmom. I found out, in the end, she died of a drug overdose. I had no clue she was even on drugs. I mean, yeah, she acted odd and crazy.. but I had never been around anyone who was a drug addict. Let’s flash forward to now. How did I tell this ex off? First off, he has been posting these statuses and photos on FB about divorce in America. And how it’s always the woman's fault. He also posts about how the government is “insert bad word here” him, because they are now taking child support. He is $37,000 behind. I had shared a picture. It was talking about the use of the word “Bae”. His wife who passed away was called “Bae Bae”. Now, I have never liked the word “Bae”. It has nothing to do with her, I just don’t like the word. Anyway, he commented asking when my hatred for the word started. He was insinuating that I hated the word, because of her. At that point, I was done. I may not have any feelings for him, but it still sucks to see posts about how the only person who ever cared for him is dead. He was homeless after she died and I was the only person who stood by and tried to help him out. I let him know how I felt. I told him that just because I hate the word, does not mean it has to do with her. I told him just about everything I said above. I told him that it wasn’t right for him to blame me for it all. It wasn’t all my fault. Now, with staying PG on this site, do any of you know what the word “Bae” means? If not, look it up and then continue to read. I told him, I hate to speak badly of the dead, but maybe she was called “Bae Bae” for a reason. I told him to grow up. I think all the stress just got to me. It breaks my heart to see what he turned into. We are talking about a guy who went from working full time, nice car, could financially keep himself stable, to a guy who started using drugs, lost his job and became homeless. After he met this woman it all changed. He doesn’t talk to his daughter. He changed into someone I no longer know.
6 people like this
5 responses
@celticeagle (118231)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Nov 15
It is so sad that he changed so much. Too bad he doesn't do better by his daughter. But, these are all choices he has made. He's a big boy, and, just like the judge said, he needs to start being responsible at some point. Do you feel better getting this off your chest?
2 people like this
• Phoenix, Arizona
24 Nov 15
Oh my goodness. I feel amazing now. I still am stressing out waiting for his response. But if he wants to fight, then fine. But I don't think he will. Who knows?
@Drosophila (16713)
• Ireland
24 Nov 15
Sounds like you had a lucky escape.
2 people like this
• Portugal
30 Nov 15
its sad that sometimes people change. and sometimes they dont really change. they were like that and we just couldnt see it. when we love someone we tend to create illusions about who the person is. and thats why sometimes we get disappointed anyway i really hope that he become the guy you met long ago again. his daughter needs him.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (47148)
• United States
21 Jan 16
Well know that you are better off
@dodo19 (32873)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
27 Nov 15
I'm sorry that things changed so much. It's a shame that sometimes people changed so much and for the worse. Maybe it's for the best. It seems like maybe you're better off, and that you deserve better. I hope you find someone to treat you well, and who will take care of you and your daughter.