The Portrait Of A Bloke Who Knew Dorian Grey

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Dear Dorian, When I congratulated you on not looking a day older than when we went to school together twenty years ago, you recommended an unusual beauty treatment to me, namely getting my portrait done by a good friend of yours. That portrait is in my attic, and now, a further twenty years on, I find that it looks exactly the same as the day I bought it, and rather abstract, with my face painted cuboid, and me lying on a badly made bed, surrounded by wildebeest. You remain in porcelain perfection, while I am covered in wrinkles, and losing both hair and teeth. Why pray tell, am I falling apart and going down with arthritis? Yours, Arthur Dorian replied; My dear friend Arthur, It seems you met my artist’s apprentice, Picasso Dali-Emin, who was fresh out of soul-stealing blood red paint. I am terribly sorry. Will you be attending my 205th birthday party on Saturday? D Grey. Arthur Chappell