New year’s Day is a hard time for me

China
January 1, 2016 3:02am CST
Over here there is a saying “it is on the festival occasions when one misses his dear most .”Mum can’t celebrate New Year’s Day together with us now , Who passed away 20 days ago .I miss mum so much .Since then ,every day I walk into the room she once lived in ,sit in the armchair she used to sit in for a while and stroke the armrest where Mum’s arms rested on .I feel as if I put my hand on her warm hand .At lunchtime today ,I feel very sad that whole family but mum sit around the table . I am an atheist, however at the moment I think if only mum’s soul continued to exist.
15 people like this
13 responses
@scheng1 (24755)
• Singapore
1 Jan 16
it is hard to deal with the pain. If you want to cry, just cry. You can find a few photos of your mum, and talk to her through the photos. You will feel much better, and you will remember the lessons or words of your mum and carry on with your life.
5 people like this
• China
1 Jan 16
Thank you ! I knew you on personapaper.Yes ,now I frequently watch her video I made when she was alive ,which is a comfort to me .
3 people like this
@Auntylou (4318)
• Oxford, England
2 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 I often wish I had a recording of my mother's voice. treasure that video!
2 people like this
• China
2 Jan 16
@Auntylou Thank you ! Sure I will .
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 16
I am so very very sorry to hear of your great loss. RIP your dear beloved Mother. It must be very distressing for you in the new year. But I believe that our loved ones live on..this is what I believe. A very happy new year to you and family my friend. Sincere condolences once again.
4 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 Of course time, but all the same, we only have one mother in this life.
2 people like this
• China
3 Jan 16
@TiarasOceanView Yes ,we stay with mother longer than others and build up a deep feeling .
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 Yes, I understand it changjiangzhibin. I try to spend time with my dear Mother while she is with us.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 16
You know I have lost a lot of people in my life, from both my parents to a sister and some friends, so I know how hard the holidays are. I am so sorry you are going through this, the first year is the hardest and your mum's soul does still exist and she is in no more pain. Even though you are an atheist, I hope you won't mind if I send a prayer up for you during this time.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 I understand you want to stop feeling the pain, but I find the first year, and maybe a little beyond that, there will be days that the grief will overcome you again. Just allow it, it is natural and healing for you.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 Remember the good times.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (80400)
• Philippines
4 Jan 16
I know it's that painful to you my friend , because you love your mum so dearly . But just think that she is already in heaven with her creator and is happy . I know you are an atheist , but i think it will help you recover from your sadness if you think of it that way .
3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (80400)
• Philippines
29 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 Are you still grieving until now , my friend , that you can't still make a post here ?
• United States
2 Jan 16
As time passes, try to remember the good times with fondness instead of sorrow.
3 people like this
• China
3 Jan 16
Yes ,now I try hard to resign myself to it .
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 You might as well, since there is nothing you can do about the passage of time.
2 people like this
@much2say (39824)
• United States
7 Jan 16
I know the holidays can be difficult as I see it in my husband - he misses his father greatly too. There are reminders all around . . . his father's writings and artwork - talks of what his father did in his life. But what once felt like sad reminders now seem to be reminders that are comforting - he is missed, but certainly not forgotten. It takes time. Your mother will always be with you in your heart.
2 people like this
@much2say (39824)
• United States
8 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 But remember she has always been in your heart. The love for your Mother has always been there and will always be there. Perhaps, with her beliefs, she is now in a place above where she can watch over loved ones - and that she would want you to continue to be productive with your life and be strong for the loved ones around you now, just as she has. Step by step, your strength will help to bring you happiness again. You are in our thoughts!
2 people like this
• China
10 Jan 16
@much2say It is really a torturous process and hard to get over it ,but I have to do my best to overcome my grief.Thank you !What you said is a great solace to me !
2 people like this
@much2say (39824)
• United States
11 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 Many hugs to you ! I think it helps to talk about these things too . . . it's good to let it all out. And thank goodness for myLot - we never have to be alone in our thoughts. Hope you are doing better today.
2 people like this
@youless (92319)
• Guangzhou, China
2 Jan 16
I hope you will not feel so sad for a long time. After all, your mom is very old. It is natural for her to leave. And it doesn't mean that she is gone forever, since she is in your mind. I think she will feel better in the heaven to see you are happy rather than sad.
2 people like this
• China
2 Jan 16
Yes ,I know what you said are right ,only can't snap out of it at the moment .It takes time.Thank you !
2 people like this
@youless (92319)
• Guangzhou, China
2 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 I understand it takes time to feel better. I always think if one day I die, I would feel sad to see my family cry a lot for me. Then I couldn't go peacefully. I hope they will live well and be happy and then I can leave happily.
2 people like this
@marlina (75001)
• Canada
5 Jan 16
It takes time to grieve a loved one. Your Mom will always be there in your heart.
2 people like this
• China
6 Jan 16
Yes ,Mum 's memory will always live .Thank you !
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
4 Jan 16
I am sorry for your loss on the occasion of this new year.
2 people like this
• China
4 Jan 16
Thank you ! It is coming round to Chinese New Year again ,I dread to think it .
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
3 Jan 16
sorry for your loss - special occasions are always when we find ourselves most regretting the people we miss can't join in with us
2 people like this
• China
3 Jan 16
Thank you ! So right ,festivals always remind us of loved ones who passed away.
2 people like this
@UncleJoe (10303)
• Virginia Beach, Virginia
2 Jan 16
It is natural for us to grieve from missing loved ones who have passed. It took a while for me to realize that my mother, father, brother, and all the others would wish for me to get on and be happy with my life. Wouldn't you want those you leave behind to do the same?
2 people like this
• China
2 Jan 16
Of course, I want them to be happy with their lives .I also know Mum's soul in heaven ,if possible,doesn't want me to get down ,only I can get over it just now .
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (14264)
• United Kingdom
24 Jan 16
All major anniversaries like New Year your birthday and her birthday will be quite painful for you. After one year it becomes easier but do not worry your lovely memories will stay with you! They can not be taken away they are embedded in your heart and brain!
1 person likes this
• China
24 Jan 16
Yes ,on the occasions of anniversaries ,I may feel heart-broken .I miss her so much so that I frequently watch her video I made when she was alive .
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (14264)
• United Kingdom
24 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 I have a video of my mother but I can not watch it as she is talking in it and it breaks my heart too much. I am just happy with my memories!
1 person likes this
• China
25 Jan 16
@garymarsh6 I understand how you felt then.Yes,I am sometimes on the verge of tears as I watch some of the videos . .
@artemeis (4057)
• China
17 Jan 16
It is sad for me to learn of your mother's departure this late and I can understand how you feel and what you are going through. However, please remember that life goes on and I am sure your family will be looking for support from you too. Be strong and hope that you will all recover soon.
1 person likes this
• China
17 Jan 16
Thank you !I have lost my mum for more than a month ,now I know I have to face up to reality and try to get over the grief .I think mum will live in my heart till I leave the world .
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4057)
• China
18 Jan 16
@changjiangzhibin89 Hold close to those memories and closer with your family. Take care.
1 person likes this