Pumpkin's rant of the day: Almost Giving Up

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I'm doing a rant because I went to do a positive post and realised that there were ranty things that were relevant so I thought I'd just do a rant first, then I'll do a positive post and maybe link back to this for details. Sometimes it feels like everything goes wrong at once. I was rather stressed yesterday but, I think, it may have had more to do with believing everything was OK and allowing myself to be really happy. Well, I started off only being stressed because of having to get an assignment finished, thinking I wouldn't have time during the week. It turns out that I would have had time as I'm not working today. The reason I am not working today is that I'm having car problems again. I only bought the car about 6 weeks ago. Had to call out breakdown service but they said there was nothing they could do as it needed a diagnostic check. As I've not had the car for long, I've left a message with the place from where I bought it. Hopefully, they will take it back and get it sorted out. I need to wait for them to open at 9am before I know anything. I may not have been quite so stressed had the problem occurred sooner. I'd been driving the car and there were plenty of times when it could have cut out and still given me time to sort alternative arrangments for other things. As it happens, it cut out as I went to take Mini to his rehearsal. Usually, missing one rehearsal would not be too much of a problem but this time, they were having publicity photos taken. So I felt bad that Mini missed out on being in them, especially as I'd made sure he was dressed smartly in his Cubs uniform which I had ironed (and I almost never do ironing!). I have considered giving up with cars because I seem to be jinxed with them! I'm sure, if I got used to it, I'd get on perfectly OK without a car. The main issues would be getting to appointments in places that are hard to get to, or times when the boys need to be at places and times that buses don't run. I've also been considering giving up my job but, as I said to D, I don't want to not be working. Although he did say he's noticed that I'm struggling to study and that, at the moment, is important as it will, in theory at least, lead to better opportunities. However, I've been having money problems as well. Not serious ones but just having to juggle more than usual. Not helped with being told that the disability allowance I get for Mini might be stopped. As that, and the extra that we get in other ways because of it, currently a large chunk of our income, and I can't find a permanent job (everything is through agency so some weeks I have a lot of work, others I don't), that will be a problem. Another problem is that, while the agency started off OK, I now seem to be spending more on travelling to some jobs than I'm actually earning (which has been a problem with a different agency before) and there have been 2 separate weeks when they haven't paid me. They did pay the first one but a week later so I had two weeks' pay then. This week, I expect they'll do the same although the week they didn't pay was one where I barely earned anything anyway so won't make much difference. I have said that, with work, it wouldn't be so bad if I earned a decent amount or if I enjoyed the job. I don't even expect both, just one or the other would be nice! I've been asked if I earn a lot, and have had people say they know we, as agency workers, earn a lot per hour. Well, yes, we earn a good hourly rate but it's not great and it's enhanced because of the fact we aren't always guaranteed work. Also, earning a higher amount per hour sounds great. If you're regularly getting 30+ hours a week, it could be a decent wage but if you're getting 10 hours one week, 20 hours another, 12 another, it's not that good. If I quit my current job, I'd just get stressed with myself until I found another one. But then I would be able to take jobs such as the one I turned down because I couldn't start soon enough. I'd also have more opportunities to come here and I could set up an online second-hand shop as I've got lots of things to get rid of! Then again, I would have to change my internet provider to one that actually works properly if I'm going to spend more time trying to earn online. I told D that I would, ideally, like to be doing some kind of writing/journalism from home but he said he doesn't want me under his feet all the time! I mentioned before about having problems with Mini's dad (M). Well, I've asked him to start paying maintenance. He has offered a grand total of nothing since we left 2 years ago. He often complains he's got no money and has only recently started making sure Mini has breakfast when he stays over there. All M has said to me is that it'll be April before he can set anything up as he has other things he needs to pay off. That is all very well, of course, but he's had 2 years to sort something out and, as it's always been with him, he doesn't consider that I might be struggling and that's why I'm asking him to contribute to his own child. M has also upset his Mum again over money. He'd gone to her to borrow money and made it clear that that's all he wanted when she wasn't able to help. He also told her (although he hasn't said anything to me) that he doesn't think he will be able to manage maintenance payments as well as his bills. Well, he can't manage his bills because he spends at least a week's wages on beer before making sure bills are paid. He also lives on his own in a 3 bedroom house because he can't be bothered to move. It's the one we lived in together which the boys and I moved out of because M wouldn't. I'm also having health issues. Not serious. At least, I don't think it's anything serious. I'm not going to go into it because it's not the kind of issues that are appropriate for general discussion! I'll just say that I had an infection, I've had some test, etc. to see if there is anything more, and it's still ongoing with what we thought were effects of infection continuing after having antibiotics to clear it up. As I'm typing this, my computer has decided that it's not connected to the internet. There is no good reason for it except that my internet connection is rubbish. I've been trying to get some work done. I did finish my assignment yesterday but I've been having problems with that, and with another course I should be doing, because I don't have Word on my computer. I'm also having trouble with 'phones. My landline 'phone hasn't worked for ages. It is the 'phone and not the connection. My mobile is all cracked and fuzzy. I told D that I think I'll just give up with all technology and live in a cave as hermit. Now I'm off to write a positive post.