The Birthday Remembrance
@CRK109 (14558)
United States
May 26, 2016 7:30pm CST
My husband would have turned 48 today. I've been down for a few days only because I so wish I could have celebrated with him today. I want to stomp my feet and scream that it's not fair, but then I realize that so many others have faced horrors in this world and those aren't fair either. So I cried the tears that needed to be shed and then I got to the business of celebrating his special day.
My nephew came to my apartment. He was my first official guest to visit me here, and that was wonderful. Thankfully, he loves my apartment, so he'll be back. I baked a cake so we could do something fun in memory of my husband. We had our dinner and then watched some special happenings on TV from Fenway Park (Red Sox baseball, if you're not familiar) and then we had some cake and talked about some of our favorite memories of my husband. That was really nice.
I gave my nephew most of the cake to bring home since it's way too much for me to have here just for me. He was thrilled! And then his ride came to bring him home. When I came back to my empty apartment, I cried some more. Just because. I can't hold it in all the time.
Tomorrow I'll see my nephew again. He's going to be in a play at the workshop where he's been doing quite a bit of theater and he wanted me to come and see it. It's one that's not really open to the public but something they have been working on for fun, but he got special permission for me to see it. So I'm excited about that. I need something fun.
We had a gorgeous day and before I go to sleep tonight I'll be remembering more special times with my special guy. I'm so grateful for Facebook today, too. Many of his friends in Texas left messages on my wall and on my husband's wall, and quite a few messaged me privately. One of my husband's oldest friends left quite a beautiful tribute on his wall, and that touched me deeply. It's always so wonderful when you realize how much your loved one was deeply loved by others.
-Claudia-
image from pixabay
19 people like this
21 responses
@kaylachan (57687)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 May 16
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it can be to loose a loved one. The first year is always the hardest. I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you'll feel better soon. It's great knowing he was loved, and that you've got a lot of support.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (57687)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
29 May 16
@CRK109 I don't think anyone would want to be in a club like that. However, you'll get through it, one day at a time.
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
27 May 16
I know how you feel as I have also lost my husband and I feel sad around that time of year. It has been 5 years now and I still miss him so much it hurts. I think of him often and sometimes wonder what he would say about this or that.
I am in contact with his half sister and we talk about him occasionally.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14558)
• United States
28 May 16
Let me say how sorry I am for your loss, as well. Being in love with someone who gets called home to heaven too soon isn't easy or fair. Nothing we can do but miss them and deal the best we can. I do hear my husband's voice in my head often telling me if I'm doing the right thing or not. I love when that happens! lol So glad you have his sister to talk with. I'm sure that helps, too!
@dodo19 (47066)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
27 May 16
I'm sorry to hear that it's been a rough day. I'm sorry you couldn't celebrate it with your husband, but at least you were able to do something special with your nephew. I'm glad you'll see him again tomorrow and will see him in a play.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48442)
• Canada
27 May 16
Tears are justified when your heart aches so much for someone taken so young. And you had the right idea by baking a cake, we always have birthday cake on what would have been our daughter's birthday. And we hold tight to the memories and this year. I think its wonderful that your nephew was over and that you spent time together, he must miss him also.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
27 May 16
aww I am soo sorry for your loss. He must have been such a wonderful man.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
27 May 16
Tears are healing. Let them flow. Love that you have a celebration for him. That is wonderful Claudia. I send big hugs to you.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
28 May 16
@CRK109 I think we all feel better after a good cry.
@CRK109 (14558)
• United States
28 May 16
I'm sure he'd be shocked that I'm still standing! I used to fall apart because I knew I had him to support me. Now that I need to support myself, I do what I need to do. Life is funny like that. And thank you. That means a lot to me.
@PainsOnSlate (21854)
• Canada
27 May 16
My heart hurts for you but you are moving on and that is good. We grieve as long as we need to. Take care of yourself and enjoy the memories.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
27 May 16
Special memories and special times @CRK109 .
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14558)
• United States
28 May 16
I understand your stomping and screaming. We all handle our pain in whatever way works for us. Problem is, nothing brings them back. I keep trying to find a way. xoxo
@paigea (35692)
• Canada
28 May 16
@CRK109 overall, I carry on. No one sees the stomping and screaming; it is inside. I just miss her so much.
I meant to say before that similar to what you said, thinking of others who have to deal with huge unfair losses helps me be strong enough to bear it some how. Take care.
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
27 May 16
I'm glad your nephew came over to celebrate with you the birthday of your late husband. It would have been a pity if you celebrated alone. Bless your husband's soul!
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14558)
• United States
28 May 16
I do know my best birthday memory with him. It was very romantic and beautiful. But nothing tops our wedding day. Thank you. Those are memories that warm my heart all the time.
Keep those happy memories ;)
@Jeanniemaries (8237)
• United States
27 May 16
It's hard to get through days like this. Don't worry about the tears flowing, it's a good release. You just never know when you'll dissolve like that. It's hard. Good memories though, how wonderful to have that.
1 person likes this
