When your life comes to a crash and burn...
By Jekca
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
Centralia, Missouri
October 3, 2016 6:57am CST
I'm sorry I haven't been on. I probably wont be on tons for awhile.
I found my significant other cheating on me yesterday. No way to deny, I have the videos he'd been getting from the one he slept with and many of their sexting logs as proof. Which I unfortunately have seen. I cannot get the imagines of the [insert bad words here] one he cheated on, with various things stuck in her, doing things to herself, to....ugg, out of my head now. I see it every time I close my eyes....He fell asleep in the middle of one of their "session" and I caught him literally and figuratively with his pants down.
It was someone I knew, someone I thought was a friend of both of ours. I got excuses such as "You went through my cell, you know I have privacy issues."
Which he used to hide his cheating lying ways.
Oh and the ever popular, 'but I still love you. I'm sorry."
This was a few hours after I caught him.
He's still trying to talk me into staying.
I still love him. Part of me wants to, because I do. Part of me knows I would be dumb for doing so,. You can love a person and know you can't be there anymore. Because, and here is what I am having trouble admitting to myself.
I can't stay.
I can't trust him.
Love can't solve everything.
I
I
I don't know what to do.
A horrible night later on a friends floor, I have a few conclusions. I need my dog Nibbler. I cannot go back to that house even if he leaves, EVERYTHING reminds me of him, and of him and her now. My home, my sanctuary, my life as I knew it is gone in fire.
I can't just quit my job. Five years, I need a reference. So going to talk to my sup today, I have enough vacation and sick time to almost hit 2 weeks, hoping they will take that as a notice.
I have family I prob will just have to go live with for a time.
I need......
Strength, wisdom....hope.
None of which I feel I have right now.
If it werent FOR Nibbler I would have already taken the easy way out. Living right now just hurts more than it is worth. But he wouldnt understand. I can't do that to my baby pup.
29 people like this
38 responses
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
3 Oct 16
This was the last thing I was expecting to read to day - my God girl....you have every right to feel the way you do. The only thing you don't have a right to is 'take the easy way out'...go stay with family, get your head screwed back on and continue living - you are tough you can do it. You say you love him - you love the him he used to be but not the him he is now. I guess all that time he wasn't working he found other things to occupy his time instead of finding a job. don't walk away - run as fast as you can.
7 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
thanks Abby, and you are right, I love the man I married. This cheater? I don't know him.
5 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
3 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt I'm telling you if I lived closer you could stay with us for a while. People change it happens but don't let his mistakes change you.
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Oct 16
I am so sorry, I cannot even imagine the pain your going through right now. I will be praying for you, for strength and comfort during this awful time in your life. Please stay safe and do what's best for you.
We are here for whenever you need to vent or talk. 
7 people like this
@LadyDuck (458689)
• Switzerland
3 Oct 16
Good grief, this is something I did not expect to read and I feel so sorry for you and disgusted for those things you had to see. I know that you miss your baby pup, but sooner you go away from this situation the better it is for you. Cheaters deserve a revenge.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (458689)
• Switzerland
3 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt Great, I am glad that your pup comes with you. Keep any proof you can show of his cheating, it will be helpful.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
@LadyDuck I have it, and have sent most of it on to a third party just to save
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
my baby pup is going with me, once I get things squared away, at least
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
3 Oct 16
And another thing - get a lawyer. You need help in what your next steps should be - what the laws are regarding property, etc.
5 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I had a consult with one today, and they should be calling me back tomorrow
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
3 Oct 16
(sigh!) 
I know exactly how you feel, Jess.... Been there, felt like my world ended.... I know this won't help you right this minute, but things will get better... you just have to give time a chance to work its magic on you/your life.
If there is anything I can do for you, you just have to tell me....
I know exactly how you feel, Jess.... Been there, felt like my world ended.... I know this won't help you right this minute, but things will get better... you just have to give time a chance to work its magic on you/your life.
If there is anything I can do for you, you just have to tell me.... 3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
3 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt Hon? If you come to your family in Missouri, you are welcome to swing by our house and stay for a day, week or whatever...
Our couch is comfortable and we can afford to feed you for a while if that would help... You KNOW this is a real offer!
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
thanks DE, I wish I knew what I needed..... right now it's all a big jumble of ouch
3 people like this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
3 Oct 16
I am sorry.
You will be strong and go on to lead your own life on your own terms. You already have strength, wisdom , hope inside you just believe in yourself .
4 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I wish I could, but right now all I feel is if I had been more he wouldn't have done this. I know that isn't the truth, but it is how I feel
2 people like this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
4 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt Don't ever feel the guilt for being what you are...this has been told to me many times by friends and its true.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159318)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Oct 16
I am so sorry.My heart is heavy for you right now. Don't even think the 'easy way out'. Ugh! Just take it a day at a time. Try not to think about him and her but of you and Nibbler and getting a life together for you two. Take it a day at a time and.......remember.... this too shall pass.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (159318)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt ....You are a smart gal and you will figure this out. All we can do is support you, you have to do the real work. Any help needed we are here for you. Stay strong and you will get to the other end of this. It is just one of those blocks in the road. You'll be fine.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
thanks, Celtic. Knowing I have friends here rooting for me, helps. I do need to do whats best for me, and NIbbler and prob giz too
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98898)
• India
3 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt ... No more serious than that...make him a pauper.
3 people like this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
3 Oct 16
Although it may feel good this is not advice I would use. @vandana7
Better things are coming. If I was wronged, to the person I love and who loved me and continues to say they love me I would say "you have a funny way of showing it".
If something hurtful happened to me after some time would rather think something good will come out of it, yes even something so hurtful. I wouldn't say, I wouldn't think or seek revenge but except for a temporary fix I know revenge will do too little. It feels good only for a little while. In the longer run revenge will do nothing but hurt me back. Don't you think it is better to stay the course and do what is right for me?
3 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I already broke most of the glass in the house and cut the cords on all the kitchen appliances. that was something
4 people like this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
3 Oct 16
You do have friends here. This is like or is a traumatic injury. Give yourself time to heal. It will. You can deal with this and everything in the future life is going to hand you. I know you no but I know you enough from being here you are strong!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157646)
• United States
16 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt When you are not strong, your friends have to hold you up to catch your breath and heal those wounds. There will be scars, but that does not mean life is not beautiful. Where are you headed in Missouri?
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I dont feel very strong right now
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
16 Oct 16
@GardenGerty Centralia right now, near Columbia
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
4 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt if it hurts too much try seconds or minutes at a time. Just close your eyes and deep long breaths, count your breath going in and out. It will subside after a few intense minutes
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
right now Im not at a day, Im at about an hour at a time. sigh
4 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I don't feel worth much at all right now
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
@Susan2015 I still love who he was. I have to come to grips with the fact he isn't that person any more
1 person likes this
@just4him (306710)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
4 Oct 16
Oh NO! I'm so sorry. I had suspicions, not that, but that he was just wanting out of your marriage, not that he was cheating. Oh my! That's too horrible! I hope you can manage and get the vacation you need. In times like this, your dog is your best friend. We're also here and I'll be praying for you, big time.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (157646)
• United States
16 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt I have broken things in anger, long ago, and it is true, you cannot leave the mess, you have to make things right and protect the innocent around you.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I'm trying, but it's not easy
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
@ChesneyM the cleaning up is a pain, as I did a bit of that and then had to clean up it because I was worried about the dogs cutting their toes
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
Yes and that makes it easier to handle the fact I still love him, love but can't be with
2 people like this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
17 Oct 16
I'm so sorry Jessica to hear all of this, take one day at a time, I hope you can get time away from work and able to sort out a few things. I know how hard it is, how difficult it can be, lots of hugs.
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
18 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt I sure does and the reasons were different to why. I hope things work out for you, I know you mind will be all over the place, but I know you are a strong person. I'm here if you need someone to chat too.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
18 Oct 16
@kevin1877uk thanks K, I know you have gone through the having getting used to be alone thing, and that's a whole separate issue from the cheating and betrayal. I miss being a part of a thing, I miss the hugs, the constant connection.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
18 Oct 16
pretty much, I didnt shift as far as you had too, but it all hurts and stinks
1 person likes this
@edorms36 (275)
• United Arab Emirates
3 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt, I feel for you the pain that squeezes the air out of your chest, I am going through about almost the same but not that grave, he's not my husband, he's my boyfriend and i found out he is corresponding and chatting with a Cuban girl and read his message to her calling her "baby", i am devastated and and heartbroken learning he is betraying my trust right under my nose, it hurts big time because I love him so, and I also am contemplating on which road I have to take, but I know for sure I wouldn't take the easy way out; my life is too precious to be wasted just like that, we have a higher calling and destiny, we may not know or realize it but in time we will, in God's perfect time. God gives His hardest battle to His fiercest soldiers, we'll be getting along this journey fine. In time. For now, we have to heal. I will pray for you.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
Sorry to hear it, this is a super horrible place to be right now
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Oct 16
I am trying, not used to being the sole decision maker for my life
1 person likes this
@sishy7 (27169)
• Australia
4 Oct 16
I'm so very sorry for what you're going through... 
I'm actually crying reading all this because I'm just so sad you are hurting so much. My thoughts are with you as you are getting out from what may be the most difficult place in your life right now...
I'm actually crying reading all this because I'm just so sad you are hurting so much. My thoughts are with you as you are getting out from what may be the most difficult place in your life right now... 2 people like this
@Butchcass4 (5895)
• United States
3 Oct 16
I'm so sorry for you that you are being treated this way. And your right you can't stay with someone you can't trust as trust in thee foundation in a realtionship, once thats destroyed there's no going back as it never goes away. I pray God will surround you with loving support.
2 people like this
