Fiction - short story - Bon Appetit - Part II

@JudyEv (73217)
Bunbury, Australia
March 19, 2017 11:51pm CST
Here is Part II of a condensed comic short story I'm entering in a competition. Bon Appetit - Part II I didn’t think I did too badly as a basic cook – although my dearly beloved kept presenting me with cookbooks with titles like ‘Simple Cooking Made Easy’ and ‘Recipes Using Five Ingredients’. And I bought myself ones with titles like ‘Cooking for Dummies’ and ‘Bluffing Your Way Through a Dinner Party’. So we went on our merry way for a while until I splurged on this flash French Cookbook. I spotted this glossy French cookbook in a bookstore. It had a mouth-watering concoction on the cover. It was love at first sight. I was smitten. I paid my money and rushed home with ‘the food of France – a journey for food lovers’. As I turned the shiny pages I came across such magical titles as ‘bourride’ described as a rich fish soup, and ‘aioli’ which is a really interesting dish as it has four vowels and only one consonant. Quentin was interested enough to have a flick through it and came across ‘Paris Brest’, petits farcis, and tarte flambé. Isn’t it amazing how such titles just jump out at men? “Cripes, Suzette” he said. “You’ll have to try some of these. I could do with a hot tart.” He’s the pits sometimes, is Quentin. I thought it was a bit strange to have ‘mushrooms a la grecque’ in a French cookbook but maybe it was just the right size for the gap. Or perhaps it helps sell the book in Greece. And they’d included Holland in the sauce section. But if they were just trying to make the book more marketable in other countries, how come there were no ‘sheep’s eyes in yak milk soup’ or ‘venison with vegies’? And absolutely no sign of kangaroo kebabs. Irish stew didn't crack a mention either. But back to my book. I thought I’d have a go at the raw oysters first. My husband loves seafood so off I went all the way to a fish market and bought some oysters. Unfortunately when trying to shuck them I sliced my hand open and had to go to the hospital to get it stitched. We bought a pizza for tea while we were there. A few days later, it was Shrove Tuesday – Pancake Tuesday. I tackled ham, mushroom and cheese crepes (‘craps’ Quentin calls them). Anyone can make a crepe. Quentin doesn’t like cheese or mushroom so I just left them out of his. I think maybe his serve was a bit small as he was prowling round the kitchen later. He eventually sat down in front of tellie with two slices of bread and Vegemite. But he sometimes eats odd things at odd times.
I've entered a competition for a short story, up to 2,500 words, with a 'funny' theme. I've managed a 'highly commended' once before so I'm having another go....
16 people like this
14 responses
@bagarad (7001)
• Paso Robles, California
20 Mar
OK. Your characters are funny, but I think "vegies" has two g's. I probably have more cookbooks than the average person, but I have to get rid of most of them now because the we eat has changed a lot in fifty-three years. I could probably keep them down to two shelves now -- especially when I print so many recipes out from the internet. I wish you well in the contest. I enjoyed the story.
5 people like this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
23 Mar
@RubyHawk They do - and often ingredients that I don't have. I hate buying a big can of something just to use a dessertspoon of it.
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (42176)
• Banks, Oregon
20 Mar
Very funny story and, I hope you win. I prefer my oysters fried.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
Thanks for the good wishes. Do you get oysters very often? I love them.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (25009)
• Gainesville, Florida
21 Mar
Fried oysters are great, but I mostly prefer them raw, or steamed. But I never met an oyster I didn't like! haha
2 people like this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Mar
@moffittjc Me either but I do know someone who became very ill from bad oysters. It's left him with permanent problems - but I try not to think about that!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar
Okay, considering the titles of recipes he called out, yeah, don't tell him about my husband stunt...
2 people like this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
He comes up with enough without giving him ideas about turkey necks!!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Mar
@JudyEv Make sure he doesn't rad this then.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (24862)
• Portland, Connecticut
21 Mar
lol I do love my tarts and cripes lol
2 people like this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Mar
I'm pleased you picked up on the 'cripes'.
2 people like this
@pgntwo (15991)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
20 Mar
Oh, a classic at a posh restaurant once: "Do they do the crêpes at your table?" - I'd never seen the Heimlich manoeuvre performed on someone who'd inhaled a half glass of Chilean Malbec before...
2 people like this
@Fleura (4500)
• United Kingdom
20 Mar
I was going to say 'Surely you can't cook raw oysters badly?' but I see even that went wrong!
2 people like this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
Haha. It is based on fact - well, some of it is - but highly exaggerated.
1 person likes this
@Gillygirl (9893)
• Sutton, England
21 Mar
Another funny installment. The character's dialogue is brilliant. I will read the final installments tomorrow as it's very late here now.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Mar
Thanks. It is always a worry whether people will find it funny or not.
1 person likes this
@Gillygirl (9893)
• Sutton, England
21 Mar
@JudyEv It's very funny especially the raw oysters and then slicing the hand open lol.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
22 Mar
@Gillygirl That bit is definitely fiction!
1 person likes this
@ChesneyM (6055)
21 Mar
I have three volumes of French cookbook here. We tried a few dishes once, but I can't bear the amount of butter the book told me to use (and the taste was too creamy) so I stopped using it.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Mar
Some recipe books have some very strange ingredients in them.
1 person likes this
@ChesneyM (6055)
21 Mar
@JudyEv I have a suspicion that the old French cookbooks might be a bit too heavy in the butter department. The world these days is very self-conscious about health, cholesterol etc present in certain foodstuff and ingredients. (Just my guessing here.)
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Mar
@ChesneyM A lot of older recipes have a lot of sugar and/or butter in them. They are not particularly healthy.
2 people like this
@Inlemay (16336)
• South Africa
20 Mar
All these posts have me drooling . . . thank goodness we are going out for dinner - I would not have been able to say at home and feel satisfied!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
None of them have actually got made yet. At least I don't think so. Not successfully anyway.
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@Inlemay (16336)
• South Africa
22 Mar
@JudyEv well hopefully you will give them a go soon! The stories are satisfying anyway
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
22 Mar
@Inlemay Thanks.
1 person likes this
@silvermist (16353)
• India
20 Mar
@JudyEv I used to by so many cookbooks.But never tried those recipes.The story is progressing nicely.Waiting for the third instalment.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
They're all up now. I gave away some cookbooks but the photos are always so lovely. :)
1 person likes this
@silvermist (16353)
• India
20 Mar
@JudyEv I always enjoyed looking at all those photos of many dishes.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (12698)
• Canada
20 Mar
On to the third instalment. You should see my cookbooks.. I think it's time to thin them out again...I swear they breed on the shelf.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
It's the beautiful photos that always get me in but I've used mine so rarely, it's just stupid.
@Morleyhunt (12698)
• Canada
22 Mar
@JudyEv there are some I use all the time. Looking at the shelf you can tell at a glance which ones they are. They are battered and dirty.....
@voyager11 (1367)
20 Mar
Cool cooking.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
Thanks. Do you like cooking? :)
@voyager11 (1367)
22 Mar
@JudyEv Yup.
1 person likes this
@RubyHawk (8410)
• Atlanta, Georgia
23 Mar
That's hilarious. You had me laughing. the Vegemite reminded me of the old Lucy shows.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
23 Mar
Vegemite is very Australian of course but the site is Australian so they'll know what it is.
@Jessicalynnt (46359)
• Centralia, Missouri
20 Mar
a hot tart, ehehehehe
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (73217)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Mar
I like the 'cripes (crepes) Suzette'.
1 person likes this