How Do You Handle Negative Or Destructive Criticism?
By Mike Page
May 31, 2017 7:23pm CST
Almost everybody knows that we cannot please everybody. And each one of us, one way or the other in our life have encountered or recieved negative or destructive criticism from others that challenges our ideas, character or ability. Yes of course, negative or destructive criticism is a big blow to our ego or it hurts our pride and has an unfavorable effect on our self-esteem and confidence if we don't handle it well. How do you handle negative or destructive criticism in such situation? What are the most effective ways to handle negative or destructive criticism?
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That is an interesting take. Not an easy one, but definitely an interesting one. The plus point, it will give the other person overconfidence - he or she may think his opinion matters ...and then ..make a blunder. It also renders that person vulnerable to criticism, due or undue, when we feel like it. LOL.
I think criticism in itself is an art. How it should be delivered differs from person to person and relationship with the person. Ego conflicts are inevitable but can be avoided by bluffing some. Like I would say...hey that person did like this, and everybody appreciated it, let us try like that..or can we try like this, I just had an idea this could work...something like that. It would not be criticism, but it would be gentle replacement of what does not work. My maid gets criticized and I notice that she becomes defensive. Persisting with it will ruin her day. But a follow up is needed so that she does not think I occasionally wake up so I do mention a couple of things the next day but in general, we are quite chummy (friendly). It works.
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
The best way is to handle it by thinking to yourself "The person who insults me cares for me." or Count to ten and that way your anger will calm you down. My late dad always advised "Water off a duck" or "In one ear and out the other."
No one likes to be criticize even when they put up a brave front and pretend it does not affect them. Response can be aggressive or passive-aggressive. I prefer the first rather than keep my resentment bottled up. A sarcastic riposte always come in handy.
I would say I am not good at handling destructive criticism... I am easily let down by toxic/negative people who attack my character and ability and even credibility. So, those are my life's current stresses. I still feel like a child who needs protection from the world or from some unhelpful, cold people. And make myself strong first while I hide, lest they wont stop until I am so depleted..And I don't know what it means except that I'm hurt and down and feel bad. It could be a relationship issue rather. And I don't know how I'd fix it myself. Wish I am an adult or my life was all smooth sailing. But some people are just so cruel to wanna attack you where you are weakest and are just unreasonable, in many areas.. and these are things I dont need to be burdened with...people's non-senses, people who take pride in believing they must be smarter grown ups...and they do have gangs.. and politics Don't know how I'd handle it. And I'm thankful for the relief that a positive caring person provides because he knows what's going on on my side which those kids don't.so that I don't believe that those negativity is all what is life really like. But those do affect me. because they have gang and supporters. What I really do is remove myself from the situation, but I am sometimes paranoid that they follow me to do me more bad things. Not sure if I related to your topic about criticism. Cos what I say does sound like bullying. It's actually like that, protected and twisted by some people. A little bit complicated, but it's real and it's been weighing me down for the past few years already.. Actually it's a bigger problem that have been bothering me for a while now...and I am just able to take it a little bit lighter by 1- staying as far as I can from those people, even if I know they wont disappear. And will always re-appear. But just stay away from them even in my mind.. and my plans. They did that thing to me during a vulnerable time when I was going through big changes and other life's challenges. So i hated them for wasting my time for no reason other than they make fun probably of some people, don't know for what reason, it feels to me that they like me to feel that they really know better and that I'm somewhat delusional to want changes that they don't believe I can make, or that I need to go through their own tests and trials and what-nots. Problem is I dont trust them much. They knew me differently when I was still with them, ie co-workers but his/her gang mates are not my past co-workers. Some people are just sick and they want to reign. Sorry for this rant.
I make those negative criticism , positive. I analyze if they are really true and do something to improve myself in that aspect. For destructive criticism, I confront the person, even if she is my boss. I want to know why she tells me that.
• United States
Interesting query @magnumopus Hmm let's see. I would first try to understand that person's point of view. Did he/she criticize me in good faith wanting to help or just wanted to criticize and run me down. If I thought it was the latter which prompted the criticism, I would approach that person and ask for an explanation.
Well, I felt a little down these days because I show my friends a drawing I made (it took me a long time) and they say that was horrible and it is not something I do, but I was thinking and remember that they always rather to find mistakes on my drawings. Anyways, I admit I cry a little and I couldn't draw anything at all last week. I can't handle with those bad trades, it's harder when your friends are the ones who hurt you. So time heals everything, an option is to find anything that can distract us from those critics, and just hear the constructive side of it, discarding the bad.
Unless I need to be around a person who gives destructive criticism, I will generally avoid him. If it's a loved one or friend, I will point out how the criticism is unhelpful and explain that it's hurtful. But even with people I love, if they continue to be negative, I will avoid them.