Remembering why I didn't want to tell people about me getting married

@sissy15 (5012)
United States
July 12, 2017 11:54pm CST
Since I was last here more of my family has learned I'm getting married next month and I remember why it is I didn't want to tell many people. A lot of people feel like pressuring to have more when I don't want more. I want a simple courthouse marriage. I don't want a reception, I don't want to wear a dress, I don't want a lot of people there. I won't regret it because I hate dresses, and I hate attention on me. I have never dreamed about a big wedding or a wedding of any kind. As a kid, I never fantasized about how I would want my wedding because I never wanted one. I want a marriage but I don't want a wedding. No one seems to understand this. They think that every woman wants to have some sort of wedding or that they should want to. The truth is I don't. I don't like the idea of people staring at me and I hate the idea of a wedding dress. I have never liked dresses, as a kid, I was all about jeans and dirt and as an adult, I'm slightly less tomboy but I still don't like dresses, so why should I wear one to get married in? Why does everyone think you need a dress to get married? If anyone knew me, and I mean really knew me they'd understand this is how I am. Why should I be uncomfortable while getting married? Because it's tradition? I don't think so. I have flat out told everyone I'm happy with things the way things are. It's funny, most people are upset over something that has nothing to do with them. I get that they mean well, and they think that I'm going to regret my decision, but if they really knew me they'd know I won't. My boyfriend is excited but I'm not, not because I don't want to marry him but because I don't like the getting married part. To me that's anxiety, even dealing with the judge causes anxiety but getting married by a judge is free and I do want to be married. I'm fine with everything that comes after that part. My sister even made a big deal over me having a cheap ring, I didn't want anything expensive until I lose weight, otherwise, the ring will get loose and I could lose it. I can deal with losing a ten dollar ring but I'd rather not lose anything worth much more than that. My ring looks fine and it won't turn my finger green as it's a surgical stainless steel. It's not copper. Our rings will do for now until we have both lost weight and then we can invest in better rings. Oh well, I guess there are going to be a lot of disappointed people because I'm doing things the way I want them whether they like it or not and I refuse to feel bad about it. They'll get over it and if they don't that's not my problem.
6 people like this
11 responses
@vsai2008 (7632)
• India
13 Jul
Just be happy that you are getting married, forget about people's opinion. They tend to change every time.
4 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
I plan on doing just that.
2 people like this
@vsai2008 (7632)
• India
14 Jul
@sissy15 May I ask the date, please? Congratulations in advance
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
@vsai2008 August 3rd, and thank you.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (56881)
• Roseburg, Oregon
13 Jul
I just went to Las Vegas and got married with two friends as our witnesses. That was enough for me. No dress just wearing jeans.
4 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
I would get married like that if I lived closer to Vegas lol, I can't afford the trip there. I used to joke about a Vegas wedding all the time but in all reality, I would do a Vegas wedding if it were cheaper, because I'd have to pay for a hotel and a plane and then the cheap little packages.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (46803)
• United States
13 Jul
Who cares what they think you should do. This isnt 100 years ago, this is today. And more people get married by the courthouses today than by having a real wedding. Its a norm now. If yoy dont like dresses, dont wear one. If you dont want to have a lot of people then dont. If you want a cheap ring, have a cheap ring. No ones business.
3 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
13 Jul
I agree people make such a big deal out of nothing anymore. People get married at the courthouse because it's cheaper. Why waste money that could be going to other things? Especially, if it's not something you want. I think people think I'm going to have regrets but I know I won't. I would regret it more if I let people talk me into something I don't want. My mom has been ok with my decision and I figured she'd be the one to give me the most grief over my decision but she's just happy I'm finally getting married had has respected my wishes. After 8 years of being with the same man, I'm pretty sure I know what I want. Things are different now, not everything has to be traditional.
3 people like this
@Courtlynn (46803)
• United States
13 Jul
@sissy15 right.
3 people like this
• Lakewood, Colorado
13 Jul
Yes it is what you want that counts Sissy. Congrats.
3 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
Thank you.
2 people like this
@prashu228 (21890)
• India
13 Jul
Just follow your heart, be happy..
3 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
Thank you, I plan on it.
2 people like this
@sharon6345 (105782)
• United States
13 Jul
My daughter had a very nice wedding at city hall. I had the worse time in my hot over the ankle dress. if I marry again it will be jeans for me. Or a regular red dress. Nothing like a wedding dress. I hate them.
3 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
13 Jul
I think as long as people are happy that's all that should matter. I have always looked at wedding dresses and thought how uncomfortable they look and then thought about how I'd probably get dehydrated because I would hate to use the bathroom in one lol.
1 person likes this
@Srbageldog (4734)
• United States
13 Jul
Eh, they'll get over it, and if not, they must have some serious issues that YOUR wedding causes them distress. Do what YOU want to do. I know if I ever get married I won't be wearing some fancy white wedding gown. I won't ever have a big wedding either. I would be happy eloping in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator officiating. LOL
2 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
lol you're more than likely right. I imagine they'll be over it eventually but not without griping over it and going on about how I'll regret it. They seem in shock that someone actually doesn't want anything at all. If you get married in Vegas let me know, maybe I'll come and be a witness lol, assuming I'm not poor haha. Maybe we can write to Hugh and get him to be a guest or officiant and then you can look at him and say "I Hugh" (we can dream) lol.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Jul
@sissy15 Haha, maybe I will be marrying Hugh in Vegas someday. Or a lookalike. XD (Shh...don't tell Shawn.) I like your idea of not making a big deal over it. I think it's ridiculous how out of hand the wedding industry has gotten. Women going into their third or fourth marriages have huge weddings like they've never been married before. And it annoys me when I see women who already have children with their guy wearing white, since white is supposed to represent purity...now everyone wears it. In the past you didn't wear white if it wasn't your first marriage or you already had children. I've been with Shawn for 10 years already so if we ever get married I won't wear white. Most modern wedding dresses are ugly in my opinion anyway. I don't like the halter top look, especially if you're overweight (like me) and your chest and arm fat comes spilling out of it.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
@Srbageldog Haha, maybe just get some random guy with the name Hugh so you can say "I Hugh" lol. I agree, I think most wedding dresses are ugly, I'll hear people saying how gorgeous they are and maybe it's because I'm not a dress person that I can't appreciate them but all I can think of is how uncomfortable they look and also "How do they pee in those?" haha. I am just doing a nice shirt and jeans or something along those lines. Nothing fancy for me. I clearly am not a virgin, unless we adopted Brayland and I'm just imagining the whole labor thing, which I am not haha. I hate dresses, and I hate the idea of having to do things you hate just because of tradition. I am a modern woman darn it, hear me roar! Haha.
1 person likes this
@Shavkat (44845)
• Philippines
13 Jul
Congratulations! It is your special day and it should be with your desire to have on the wedding day.
2 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
Thank you
2 people like this
@Shavkat (44845)
• Philippines
14 Jul
2 people like this
@celticeagle (114068)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jul
Tell them to buzz off. It is your life.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
Thanks, I put it a lot nicer but I think they get it now, I haven't had a bunch of messages in awhile about why it is I don't want anything, so I'm taking this as they get it.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (114068)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Jul
@sissy15 .....Well, of course you should say it nicer. Glad you aren't getting so many messages now.
2 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
16 Jul
@celticeagle Me too, I have been tempted to say things meaner when pressured enough though, but ultimately I really don't know how to truly be mean as it's not really in my nature, I tend to sometimes be blunt but not downright mean. I will tell people I don't like them or whatever but I rarely ever insult them. I think there has only ever been one exception as to when I was actually that mean and it took me a really long time to get there.
2 people like this
@sishy7 (26608)
• Australia
13 Jul
You go girl! Right now I'm just so happy hearing the news about you're getting married so soon! Congratulations to the both of you and, of course, to your little man B too!
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
I can't say as it's soon in the span of how long we have been together, we've been together a little over 8 years, but yeah soon as in next month lol. Thank you, the little man is excited he is daddy's best man.
1 person likes this
@sishy7 (26608)
• Australia
14 Jul
@sissy15 Aww - the handsomest best man there is I'm sure he will be... Yes, I meant it's soon as in next month... I'm not sure how long you've been planning this, but the news was kinda sudden to me... I went back in case I've missed it from one of your previous posts, but I don't think you've mentioned it before... Anyway, I'm so excited and happy for you!
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
@sishy7 I've mentioned it in one other post in passing, it wasn't like the main thing mentioned but I did briefly touch upon it lol. It does sound sudden and in some ways it kind of is. We decided it at random a couple of months ago. We didn't tell anyone until we got the marriage license. I was like "I don't want to jinx this" because we've talked about it before and then had things fall apart, we went as far as planning and calling around and then I had to cancel them all. I didn't want that happening again so I just kind of kept it quiet. It's approaching soon though, the only people who are going to be there are my parents and some of my siblings, and thanks, the little man can pull off most looks lol, he's my ham, he loves the attention.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (6014)
• United States
14 Jul
In my opinion your wedding your choice on how it is done. I get married at a JP and we just had a very small get together after. We got remarried at my best friends wedding and I had to wear a dress, get my hair done all the stuff I dont like. It just wasnt me. Congratulations on your marriage!
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
Thanks, and I agree, everyone should have the wedding they want and not feel forced into something. I understand that my family means well but I refuse to give into something I don't want. A few years back I may have gone along with it to make them happy, but I've come a long way since then. I know some people like the dress and the hair and it makes them feel magical or something, but some of us are low maintenance and like the simpler things in life I guess.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (6014)
• United States
14 Jul
@sissy15 I agree I really hated getting all dolled up and stuff. Our first time I just wore jeans and a nice shirt. Just not my thing Im still like that too, my dressed up is nice jeans and a nice top. Not a fancy person I guess. Give me that, my garden and a good book along with my family and Im a happy person. LOL!
2 people like this
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
14 Jul
@Ithink You sound very much like me lol. I always wear a nice shirt and jeans too, I've shown up to weddings that way and I don't care. I am not big on gardening but I will definitely take a good book and family any day. Big ceremonies and things are like torture for me. I like the quiet and I like being comfortable.
1 person likes this