WHY can't people understand...
July 19, 2017 9:02pm CST
I have a male friend that is a very nice man but I can't get him to understand things. I have explained to him numerous times that I have to treat my time during the day as a job. I am talking about taking care of my plants, writing, being on the internet, knitting and crocheting, among other things. He gets over half what I get from Social Security, doesn't have to pay rent, doesn't own a car so doesn't have to pay for insurance and other things. I can't get him to understand that I have to keep busy to make a little extra. He shows up all times of the day even though I have told him that I don't want to be disturbed. When he is here he is always looking for something to eat, looking at my mail, wanting a drink. It is getting annoying. I don't want to get mad at him but I don't know what to do. Does anyone have suggestions on how I can deal with this?
11 people like this
• Mesa, Arizona
I think you need to sit down with him and tell him this. "I really enjoy having your company. But even though I may not have a "day job" I still have things I need to do. I need you to respect that. If you want to come hang out, just ask me first, and if I say that I'm busy, or not right now, then I will tell you the next time I can hang out. It's not that I don't want you around, but I do have to do these things so that I can make sure I have what I need."....or something along those lines. If he doesn't get it, and still comes over anyway, make a sign saying "Do NOT Disturb." Hang it outside, and don't answer the door. Sometimes you have to be a bit "cranky" to get it through people. I had to do that to my best friend. It sucked but now our friendship is still strong and she's doing much better at respecting my space and time, and when we do get together, it means more. I also suggest that you stop financing him. You have to take care of you. Good luck, and keep us updated.
• Palisade, Colorado
You have some great ideas here and they will make it easier for me to talk with him. He doesn't work and really doesn't do much. He needs to get a hobby or something. He is used to going over to where he used to live and staying there for hours. When he left here last night that is where he went. I probably upset him when I refused to fix food. I had just ate before he got here.I had two friends in Pueblo that would come over and want to sit around for hours. I did tell them that I was working and couldn't have that anymore. I even put a sign on the door that let everyone know that I was working.
• Mesa, Arizona
@velvet53 that's great! Maybe you could help him find a hobby. I'm trying to help my hubby find a hobby and it's tough but not impossible. Just gotta keep switching things up. He might also have a lack of confidence which is why he isn't working.
• Greencastle, Indiana
well that can be VERY uneasy to deal with, do you LIVE with him? if not then does he help you with anything you need $ wise? If you live with him do you have your OWN room? give me some in site. Without knowing what the living conditions are I don't really know HOW to answer this IF you don't want to tell me here P M me & we can take it from there the best I can but it's no promise I can help but I'll try.
• Palisade, Colorado
No he doesn't live here. This is my place and that is the way it will always be. He doesn't help money wise except will buy a bottle of vodka once in awhile. When he came over today he asked if we could put something together for supper. I had just finished eating and I told him no. Any extra food I have goes to help my family.
@velvet53 although he is a nice guy at first but someone can take advantage of you if you keep being nice to them. Don't let him get into that or you'll be in trouble soon. Set boundaries so that he knows you not joking or let him take you for granted. Anyway, good luck! I'm sure you can do it! Fighting!
• United States
If you are providing the drink and food then stop cooking enough for him. When he sees you are running on E he will figure it's time to leave. I would not want that either th good thing is my male friends barely eat here. The one that will eat left overs will give me money. so that iis not good for you. I understand. I can't afford insurance.
• Garden Grove, California
Youneed to get him to stop coming all the time so you need to olearn to s ayt no to hium and make it l=cear your timeis valuable to you. If you liejhim set a time whem jhe could come oterwse ease him oit of you r lfe.