WHY can't people understand...

@velvet53 (17715)
Palisade, Colorado
July 19, 2017 9:02pm CST
I have a male friend that is a very nice man but I can't get him to understand things. I have explained to him numerous times that I have to treat my time during the day as a job. I am talking about taking care of my plants, writing, being on the internet, knitting and crocheting, among other things. He gets over half what I get from Social Security, doesn't have to pay rent, doesn't own a car so doesn't have to pay for insurance and other things. I can't get him to understand that I have to keep busy to make a little extra. He shows up all times of the day even though I have told him that I don't want to be disturbed. When he is here he is always looking for something to eat, looking at my mail, wanting a drink. It is getting annoying. I don't want to get mad at him but I don't know what to do. Does anyone have suggestions on how I can deal with this?
11 people like this
13 responses
@andriaperry (61173)
• Anniston, Alabama
20 Jul 17
First, why do you give him your money? let him go work and make his own living and feed his own self, you are enabling him to be a bum.
5 people like this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
I am the type that helps others but I just got a phone call from a real close friend here in town and what she told me is going to change things big time.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (61173)
• Anniston, Alabama
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 Helping people is fine but he sounds like he is using you for a free ride. I maybe wrong but that is how I see it.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@andriaperry Yes he is using me. I talked to a friend earlier who has known him for awhile. She said he is well known to use women. Guess what is going to happen tomorrow.
1 person likes this
@louievill (19944)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
Maybe it's not that he does not understand my guess is he is interpreting your signals wrongly, just tell him straight what you want, hope he is not violent or anything, how old is he if I may ask?
2 people like this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
He is 65, old enough to understand but maybe I am not getting the point out clearly. Last night I told him there would be no drinking in the house before six and he still went out and made a drink. Ugh!
1 person likes this
@louievill (19944)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 i was wondering how it got to the point where he became like part owner of your house and your income, something is not right, he's already taking advantage of your generosity
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
21 Jul 17
@louievill That came to an end today. I do believe that I got the point across loud and clear.
1 person likes this
@MarymargII (10697)
• Toronto, Ontario
20 Jul 17
Stick with your story but if he doesn't listen- you may have to let him go!
2 people like this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
You are so right. I am going to try and talk to him one more time today and see what happens.
1 person likes this
@MarymargII (10697)
• Toronto, Ontario
21 Jul 17
@velvet53 you can't have your day and your comfort level always ruined.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
21 Jul 17
@MarymargII You are so right. I don't like someone watching over my shoulder while I am trying to write. I don't mind him coming over once in awhile but not every day and spending hours here.
1 person likes this
• Mesa, Arizona
20 Jul 17
I think you need to sit down with him and tell him this. "I really enjoy having your company. But even though I may not have a "day job" I still have things I need to do. I need you to respect that. If you want to come hang out, just ask me first, and if I say that I'm busy, or not right now, then I will tell you the next time I can hang out. It's not that I don't want you around, but I do have to do these things so that I can make sure I have what I need."....or something along those lines. If he doesn't get it, and still comes over anyway, make a sign saying "Do NOT Disturb." Hang it outside, and don't answer the door. Sometimes you have to be a bit "cranky" to get it through people. I had to do that to my best friend. It sucked but now our friendship is still strong and she's doing much better at respecting my space and time, and when we do get together, it means more. I also suggest that you stop financing him. You have to take care of you. Good luck, and keep us updated.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
You have some great ideas here and they will make it easier for me to talk with him. He doesn't work and really doesn't do much. He needs to get a hobby or something. He is used to going over to where he used to live and staying there for hours. When he left here last night that is where he went. I probably upset him when I refused to fix food. I had just ate before he got here.I had two friends in Pueblo that would come over and want to sit around for hours. I did tell them that I was working and couldn't have that anymore. I even put a sign on the door that let everyone know that I was working.
1 person likes this
• Mesa, Arizona
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 that's great! Maybe you could help him find a hobby. I'm trying to help my hubby find a hobby and it's tough but not impossible. Just gotta keep switching things up. He might also have a lack of confidence which is why he isn't working.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@TraciDavis I think a hobby would help your husband and my friend. I am going to think on this today. Does your husband like to be outside?
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (43227)
• Greencastle, Indiana
20 Jul 17
well that can be VERY uneasy to deal with, do you LIVE with him? if not then does he help you with anything you need $ wise? If you live with him do you have your OWN room? give me some in site. Without knowing what the living conditions are I don't really know HOW to answer this IF you don't want to tell me here P M me & we can take it from there the best I can but it's no promise I can help but I'll try.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
No he doesn't live here. This is my place and that is the way it will always be. He doesn't help money wise except will buy a bottle of vodka once in awhile. When he came over today he asked if we could put something together for supper. I had just finished eating and I told him no. Any extra food I have goes to help my family.
@sharon6345 (142172)
• United States
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 That will stop him soon enough..
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@sharon6345 When he comes by tomorrow he is going to feel like crap when I get done. I found out that he is nothing but a user and I won't put up with that.
@Tracy04 (10815)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 17
Sorru cannot be much help. Perhaps putting a sign of don't disturb? Like others has given, you need to be stern. Like Cesar Millan says "calm and assertive".
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
I am going to sit and talk with him later and see what happens. He is a nice guy and I think he just doesn't have anything to do with his time so he wants to sit and visit. Wish me luck.
@Tracy04 (10815)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 although he is a nice guy at first but someone can take advantage of you if you keep being nice to them. Don't let him get into that or you'll be in trouble soon. Set boundaries so that he knows you not joking or let him take you for granted. Anyway, good luck! I'm sure you can do it! Fighting!
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@Tracy04 I plan to get it worked out today. I love your last comment and the picture.
• United States
20 Jul 17
Shape up or ship out I would say to him literally.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
Good way to put it. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend, just friends but i think he wants more.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 Good luck.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (38934)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
You have to tell him you are not comfortable with him and what he is doing. Tell him so he know what you feel
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
I am trying too but maybe I am not being forceful enough. I know that most people would of caught on right away.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (38934)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 that man thinks its just of you every time he comes to your house, until you didn't put some force or strong words he will not stop.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@ilocosboy That makes sense. I don't mind helping someone out but when I start feeling used I have to put an end to it. Today it will happen.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Aug 17
Unless you know this person really well, you should lock your door during the day when you don't want to be disturbed. This person sounds like the sort that uses people and that is not very good.
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@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
11 Aug 17
Over time I have learned a lot about him. Yes, he is a user. I always have my doors locked no matter what time of day or night. I think he finally got the message to stay away.
@paigea (22619)
• Canada
20 Jul 17
That can be tough especially if you want to stay friendly with him. Just firmly say, - Right now I am busy doing _____. My free time is at ______. Be firm but polite. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
I will give him one last chance to listen to me then I am done.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (142172)
• United States
20 Jul 17
If you are providing the drink and food then stop cooking enough for him. When he sees you are running on E he will figure it's time to leave. I would not want that either th good thing is my male friends barely eat here. The one that will eat left overs will give me money. so that iis not good for you. I understand. I can't afford insurance.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
He tells me that there is plenty of food where he lives so I don't understand why he asks for food here.
@Kandae11 (40358)
20 Jul 17
He needs to find something to keep himself busy. You will simply have to be a bit more firm with him - tell him what the rules are.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
After what I just found out he may not be welcome here anymore. I have family that comes first and things will be changing soon.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164471)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Jul 17
Youneed to get him to stop coming all the time so you need to olearn to s ayt no to hium and make it l=cear your timeis valuable to you. If you liejhim set a time whem jhe could come oterwse ease him oit of you r lfe.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17715)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
Good advice. He is just a friend and is very nice but he does need to respect my ways and what I am trying to do.
1 person likes this