Mean Older Brother. Scarred for Life?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (205805)
Walnut Creek, California
October 21, 2017 12:35pm CST
Do you think having a sibling that's mean to you can scar you for life? Yesterday, my 13-year-old kid client and I were shooting hoops when we were "challenged" by two brothers who were maybe 13 and 12.
My kid client, who launches long shots all the time and has trouble with teamwork (teamwork is one of by "behavioral goals" for the kid) actually did some passing, not just shooting, and we beat the "challenging" kids pretty badly.
But what was striking was how mean the older brother was to the younger brother. He was using a lot of "ghetto" terminology, some of which was unfamiliar to me, but he basically spent the whole game blaming his younger brother for everything, and berating his every move.
When some other kids came onto the court, I let them play with my kid client and the older brother, and I took the younger brother to the other end of the court. There, I had us be "teammates," and I set him up for outside shots, occasionally putting in a rebound myself.
Then I guarded him (loosely) and told him I was going to "pretend trash talk him" and got him to drive by me to "the hole." I got him laughing with my trash talk and also built up his confidence.
I don't know if this kid has a father, but I wanted him to have a good time, as well as reinforce his skills. If his older brother is his "male role model," this poor kid could be scarred for life.
20 people like this
18 responses
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
22 Oct 17
That was a good gesture on your part. I guess on one hand it could be detrimental to have an overbearing elder brother but on the other, it could build up the younger brother's grit and mental toughness.
2 people like this
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
23 Oct 17
@TheHorse who knows, maybe you get to see them again in the court.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (205805)
• Walnut Creek, California
23 Oct 17
@allen0187 Eeps. I hope not.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (74594)
• East Tawas, Michigan
22 Oct 17
@TheHorse You did the right thing, to separate the two brothers. The younger boy can relax and have some fun, instead of remaining beneath his older brother's criticism and overpowering need to control.
1 person likes this
@lokisdad (4226)
• United States
21 Oct 17
I guess it depends on the people. My wife for example is one of those people who hates hearing no, you can't do that being told to her. She wanted to get in shape and lose weight so I told her she wasn't going to do it that she would fail. I bet her she wouldn't last 30 days she got so mad and set out to prove me wrong just because.
Also something have different meaning for different people. My kids have their own mean nicknames for one another as pet names that only they call one another . To outsiders it seems awful but its the way they lovingly tease one another.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (73473)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
21 Oct 17
Never had siblings. I suppose there could be problems. I will tell you though that when I was a teen I wished I had older siblings just so they could engage my mom and I could be freer.
2 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
22 Oct 17
That brother could mean a sad life for the younger boy.
2 people like this
@kobesbuddy (74594)
• East Tawas, Michigan
21 Oct 17
I have an older sister, who did that to me. At seven years old, I thought I was a piece of trash, my parent found in a garbage bin. She use to kick, slap my face, scratch, throw me down, and verbally degraded me, daily. Then, she whines now, that I was nothing but a 'cry baby, who whined!' Yes, I did cry, because it hurt!
It's pretty hard to gain self-esteem, at 66 years old!
God help that poor young man, who desperately needs to get out from under that child abuse!
God help that poor young man, who desperately needs to get out from under that child abuse!1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (74594)
• East Tawas, Michigan
21 Oct 17
@TheHorse She was extremely jealous of her two younger sisters. Sona's attacks first started on our sister, who's four years older than me. Lyna grew bigger and stronger, than her big sister. When she fought back, the physical violence ended. So, our older sister turned all that penned up anger, onto me. Why? I really don't understand.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (74594)
• East Tawas, Michigan
21 Oct 17
@TheHorse Yes, it's called hate.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14741)
• San Jose, California
21 Oct 17
Yes, having a mean older brother can definitely scar one for life. I wonder who the older brother's role model is, because he definitely learned that behavior from somewhere.
2 people like this
@spiderdust (14741)
• San Jose, California
22 Oct 17
@TheHorse I kinda feel bad for both kids (although it's easier to feel worse for the younger boy).
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14741)
• San Jose, California
21 Oct 17
(On a side note, did the Dublin fire affect you? I've been away for a bit and am catching up.)
1 person likes this
@mikaelajuliet (638)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Oct 17
poor kid. I'm glad you were there to give they boy some support and encouragement
2 people like this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
22 Oct 17
my sister was always mean to me - totally disowning me about six years ago
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
22 Oct 17
@TheHorse she was very good at manipulating my mum to get her own way - she couldn't control me so easily so she often turned ugly with me, getting her three sons to be mean to me too - my mum just told me I was rocking the boat when I drew attention to it a she was afraid my sister might stop her seeing her grandsons - I'm glad to be out of her reach now
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (205805)
• Walnut Creek, California
23 Oct 17
@arthurchappell Sounds like she had some issues. Wonder what made her that way.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (21737)
• Canada
28 Oct 17
That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger....that line came up today...scarring was discussed.....I should be very strong. One day I will open the suitcase of emotional baggage that's tucked as far away as possible.
I watch my elderly parent blame everyone....I watch my siblings....older and younger pass the buck...
Where was I going with this? It's been a long day.
