Dont Know What To Do.

United States
May 6, 2018 2:19pm CST
If I live, I'll be 70 this year. My husband in a nursing home, both legs amputated, has dialysis three times a week. He go in social worker office worrying her about coming home. He call me all the time, wanting to come home. They can take care of him better than me. He don't see it. I can't get it through to him, that he's in the best place for him, because of his health. He calls so much til sometimes I won't answer.
21 people like this
20 responses
@Corbin5 (106593)
• United States
6 May
That situation is so hard on both of you. How long has he been in the nursing home?
5 people like this
• United States
6 May
About a year and 1/2. I mean I know he wants to come home, but I can't take care of him.
5 people like this
@Corbin5 (106593)
• United States
6 May
@popciclecold I understand. Our dad is age 97, and we were able to keep him independent until age 94 with my sister and me helping him, but there is no way we could care for him properly now. Sometimes we have to let the pros take over.
5 people like this
• United States
7 May
@Corbin5 That's what I keep telling him, but he does not want to accept, that I can't do it. Before he went to the nursing home, he didn't want me to go see my clients at the time I had 2. Can you imagine if he comes home in his condition.
3 people like this
@AKRao24 (18317)
• India
6 May
I can understand it is so sad...it is not easy for a 70 year lod lady to take care of person who is having physical challenges and going dialysis 3 times a week! from tyhe discussion one thing is very clear he misses you terribly and he loves you and your companionship! Just making him understand in a cool way that there can't be a better place for him than where he is now, can make a difference! Please for Heaven's sake please do answer him and talk with him when he calls...try to understand he requires you...your talking will make him happy! I sincerely pray the almighty to bless the best of what he can for both of you dear @popciclecold!
3 people like this
• United States
6 May
Thank you so much, I need all the prayers I can get
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (18317)
• India
6 May
@popciclecold , God bless you both!
@AmbiePam (49113)
• United States
6 May
Oh wow. That's quite a burden to bear. I don't know what to say, but I'll say a prayer for you two.
3 people like this
• United States
6 May
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@Starmaiden (5961)
• Canada
6 May
That is very difficult to have to watch a loved one go through. Maybe change your phone number and give it only to the staff so they can contact you of his condition. This way you can call him at your own leisure.
3 people like this
• United States
6 May
Thanks. I have thought of not renewing his minutes, but I don't want him to be cut off form everyone. I may just use your suggestion.
2 people like this
@Daelii (5637)
• United States
6 May
I'm so sorry. Sometimes its not a matter about being in the best place for health care but being with people who matter most. Thoughts and prayers healing comes to both you and your husband.
3 people like this
• United States
6 May
Thanks thoughts and prayers are much needed.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (40300)
• Germany
6 May
Can't the social worker and a physician make him understand?
3 people like this
• United States
6 May
The social worker has told him, if he leaves the nursing home he will lose his medicaid, this includes his transport. But he say he don't care, he only want to come home.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (18027)
• United States
7 May
Ah. Unfortunate that sounds about right. My dad, and my friend's dad are that way. They have both had major health issues and they have both insisted to go home as soon as possible so that family can look after them. It's a huge strain on family but they don't seem to know that or to care.
2 people like this
• United States
7 May
Exactly, we bought my husband home one time when he still had one leg, it was terrible, we had to help lift him, and now he has none. But you are right he don't care.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (18027)
• United States
8 May
@popciclecold It is a shame they can't understand that they will get better help this way - with trained professionals and that it won't be a stress on their loved ones. You're doing the right thing. I hope you keep your sanity through this
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May
@FayeHazel Sanity is right. Because sometimes I think I am about to lose it. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (12201)
10 May
Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your difficult situation. My prayers that both of you to find some peace and strength through your husband's hardship.
2 people like this
• United States
13 May
Thank you, we need it.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (28614)
• Canada
7 May
I went through that with my father. It is not easy to deal with it.
2 people like this
• United States
7 May
No it's not. It is really a hard thing. Never knew before I sure do now.
1 person likes this
7 May
He must be feeling lonely in the nursing home. Maybe you should answer his call. I am sure he terribly misses you.
2 people like this
• United States
7 May
Well, I don't know about that, you see we are from CA and we moved to MS. nearly 40 years ago. He was a good husband until we moved here. He was mean to me and my 3 sons a long time. His problem is that I get the check, which he use to rule. I have never been able to save money, or do things that I have wanted. He don't miss me so much, as not having control of his check.
• United States
7 May
I'm so sorry to hear that you have so much to deal with. I'm sure your husband misses being home but it sounds like he's getting the care he needs where he is. I know I wouldn't be able to care for someone with his disabilities
2 people like this
• United States
8 May
He does get the care he needs. We go see him three times a week, take him whatever he needs food, drinks, clothes, he has a cell phone we talk most of the time. He's like ET HOME.
@Tampa_girl7 (25721)
• United States
14 May
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. I know that it must be a nightmare at times.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May
Yes it is. I hope it will get better somehow.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (25721)
• United States
14 May
@popciclecold just know that you are in my prayers.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May
@Tampa_girl7 Thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (157723)
• Switzerland
7 May
This is a hard situation for both of you. Being in a nursing home is surely not funny and I understand he would like to come back home, but you cannot take care of him.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May
I have tried yo explain that too him. But he doesn't care just as long as he comes home.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (157723)
• Switzerland
8 May
@popciclecold It's hard when they do not want to listen.
@rakski (16322)
• Philippines
16 May
I am sorry to hear that he wants to go home but cannot because it is better for both of you that he atays at nursing home
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May
Yes it is better. But it's hard for him to accept.
@jaboUK (53940)
• United Kingdom
15 May
I'm sorry you are in that situation, it must be difficult for you both. He must surely see that he is being unreasonable to expect you to look after him, he needs specialised care.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May
Yes, but saw him today, it was one of the best days we had in along time. Someone is praying for us.
1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (14062)
• Corsham, England
8 May
That's so hard on you. Is your health good? I will be 68 this year but I am well at the moment.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99411)
• United States
14 May
My husband was 42 and had Lou Gehrig's disease. He asked to go to a nursing home, but almost immediately wanted to come back home. I could not do it. I spent most of every day with him there, but could not handle the equipment necessary to care for him at home. It is hard. That was twenty years ago. I do not want to do that again.
@bunnybon7 (36537)
• Holiday, Florida
14 May
if you have grown kids, i would have them help decide. if you live alone, perhaps you could go in there with him. he may just miss you or be lonely. or one of the kids could come help if he comes home. get a wheel chair so he can use his arms to roll around etc.
@YrNemo (12664)
14 May
Oh dear. It is a very difficult situation there. Sad isn't it, that when we age, all sort of things happens to our body in a bad way.
@Shiva49 (13033)
• Singapore
14 May
It is indeed a tough situation to be in. My health is not that good either. I see most my age, I will be seventy in two years, worry about our future. Medical costs are shooting up and we have to pick and choose what treatment we can afford. My mother is ninety and she has needed constant care for five years now - siva